and now dying doesnt feel so cruel..

[1_21Guns]

i nearly ran away.
i nearly killed myself.
i nearly cut.
im on the edge.
i'm bottleing things up again.
then destroying myself by putting myself through things i know i shouldnt.
listening to songs that kill me.
listening to songs that trigger me.
all to make me feel worse than i already do.
all because its all my fault.
im sinking again.
my best friends gonna end up like me.
and everythings just going to turn to shit.
im going to become emotionless once again.
and everything will repeat.
i'm losing everyone around me.
i want to push them away.
frankly. i want to die.
i'll never kill myself.
i'm selfless. and a friend got pissy with me over it.
yeah, maybe its a curse and not a blessing.
but its me. what do you want me to become?
____

i just picked up my cat and completely broke down.
i feel worse. its made me worse.
im weak. i hate this feeling.

[Scarface]

You have to think more positively. You are overwhelming yourself with these thoughts. You seem to be really down with all of these things happening to you. Don't ever feel like you have to bottle up your feelings. If you do then all of these thoughts will marinate in your head making yourself worried and anxious, and it never helps.

Don't do things to make yourself feel worse. Get out and do things listen to happy songs and try not to think so pessimistically. I know this all seems like it is easier said then done, but if you put yourself in a positive mindset and motivate yourself to be happy. No one is making you forcing you to be miserable.

I'm glad you will never kill yourself because that is a permanent decision and it would devastate the people around you. I'm certainly glad to hear that you wouldn't. This is not your fault this can all be fixed, just try and have a more positive outlook. I think everything will work out for you.

If you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here send me a VM/PM anytime. I hope this helps

[dbrkk]

I totally get how it feels to be completely buried in negative thoughts. I'll admit, I've felt that dying is the only solution.. but it's NOT! You don't have to bottle up your feelings either. Heck I don't, and I'm a guy (people always tell me that guys shouln't show feelings), but I don't give a crap what they say! This might sound weird, but I think it's good sometimes to just cry it all out. Try doing something you enjoy or that makes you feel good. You CAN turn these thoughts around, you just have to try. I know I've only talked to you on a few occasions on here, but you really are a wonderful person, and you don't deserve to feel this way. :)

[Sith Lord 13]

You have to change your thought patterns. There is no way it could possibly all be your fault. And you can't bottle stuff up. Trust me, if you keep bottling it up, you're going to forget how to let go. How to let your emotions flow. And trust me, that is hell.

[1_21Guns]

You have to change your thought patterns. There is no way it could possibly all be your fault. And you can't bottle stuff up. Trust me, if you keep bottling it up, you're going to forget how to let go. How to let your emotions flow. And trust me, that is hell.

i know. i've been there before.

[Sith Lord 13]

i know. i've been there before.

Did you figure out how to let it out again? Because I'm still trying to figure that out.

[1_21Guns]

Did you figure out how to let it out again? Because I'm still trying to figure that out.

i didn't. a friend helped me. put me in situations where i couldnt be numb to my emotions. worked. until everything went to shit, and i slowly started going back to my old ways.

[Sith Lord 13]

i didn't. a friend helped me. put me in situations where i couldnt be numb to my emotions. worked. until everything went to shit, and i slowly started going back to my old ways.

Like what? I can't really think of situation where I couldn't be numb.

[1_21Guns]

Like what? I can't really think of situation where I couldn't be numb.

talking about things that hurt. to the point they hurt. wouldnt let me shut off from them and forced me to talk about them. things like that pretty much.

[Sith Lord 13]

talking about things that hurt. to the point they hurt. wouldnt let me shut off from them and forced me to talk about them. things like that pretty much.

I've tried. I've talked until it hurt. But I still couldn't let the hurt out.

[1_21Guns]

I've tried. I've talked until it hurt. But I still couldn't let the hurt out.

i think i never did let it all go. just some of it. it was confusing feeling again. so i kept shutting myself off.

[Sith Lord 13]

i think i never did let it all go. just some of it. it was confusing feeling again. so i kept shutting myself off.

I still haven't managed to let any out. Just added more in the attempts.

[1_21Guns]

I still haven't managed to let any out. Just added more in the attempts.

what've you tried to do to let it out?

[Sith Lord 13]

what've you tried to do to let it out?

Talk it out with people. Two people who are very close to me to be specific. Talk about some of my biggest issues. The ones that give me most of my baggage. We talk till I feel pain, but I just can't seem to let the pain out. So it ends up bottled up inside too.

[Gps108]

look iv ben to hell and back twice and i know how you feel you just feel like letting go and geving up becuse it seems like the EZest thing to do.but some times the ezest thing isent always the best thing to do.