Obscurity

[Aspiringanonymous]

What do you do when the only thing you want - and seem able to do - is to lie in bed all day and sleep the days away? When you can't seem to find the right words to write anything, and nothing read seems to be comprehensible. When there is so much to do, so little time, and absolutely no motivation. Nothing that seems to usually work when fatigue hits, does, this time. It's frustrating, I don't wish to fall behind and waste all my time away, but I'm not capable of much else right now.

It's all so tiring. Existing is tiring. I've only been doing what I can to salvage enough energy in order to make it through each day without collapsing in my own inner weight, but it never works anyway. Energy borrowed is energy that must be returned, but I've gone bankrupt a long time ago. So, what goes up comes down, and at the end of each day I notice that I am more exhausted than the last.

I think so, anyway. Everything is disturbingly obscure right now since I'm too tired to focus.

[myskias]

so deep.. i agree.. im feeling the same way and it is killing me. like, i cant stop thinking about how fucked up our world is. and how unimportant it is to do anything because it wont matter. and just earlier today someone stole like 400 dollars from me. its like. what the hell is going on. why must people be so dishonest and greedy... its horrible..

[Sith Lord 13]

Maya, I know what you're talking about. I have a medical condition that can make extremely tired as well. When you add that to depression, I could very easily not get out of bed for a week. Might you be able to find one day were you just let yourself sleep? That might help.

[Aspiringanonymous]

I'm just a little better now after coming across something that unexpectedly shook off a lot of negativity, but aside from that, today was terribly concerning. Certain people over the past little while have all been saying the wrong things at the wrong time, and a fragile consciousness struggling to stay afloat beneath all the stress and great disparity between energy supply and demand takes very little to implode on itself.

Today seemed to be the last straw; suddenly the old and familiar feelings of worthlessness is back, and so is the desire to self-harm. I'm not at all surprised that it happened, but it's really annoying when I'm trying to concentrate on something productive, and given the current prospect of events leading up to and after exams, I can honestly, logically, see how external circumstances would only help to perpetuate it. Hence why its occurrence is of little surprise.

It's very concerning. Maybe it's time I tried to actively do something rather than my usual position of silent observation, but what exactly, and how would I sustain it in my current state of being?

[Sith Lord 13]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm not sure Maya. I'm here for you if you want to talk though.