listen to her screams

[goneghost]

----

[deadpie]

listen to the screams of the youngest child
watch for the tears every once in a while
look at the drawings that she draws
and youll discover something more
sit in silence everynight
watch the tears flow from her eyes
walk behind her as she walks down town
see her smile turn into a frown

No offense, but it kind of bored me. Lines like "the drawings that she draws", "tears flow from her eyes", "...the tears every once in a while", "the drawings that she draws" are kind of generic and not that descriptive.
The last line is really cheesy.

Go ahead and negative rep me for this.

[Jess]

I really like it :)

[1_21Guns]

i like it, and its almost like i can relate to it too.
well done :)

[The Joker]

No offense, but it kind of bored me. Lines like "the drawings that she draws", "tears flow from her eyes", "...the tears every once in a while", "the drawings that she draws" are kind of generic and not that descriptive.
The last line is really cheesy.

Go ahead and negative rep me for this.

This.

[goneghost]

No offense, but it kind of bored me. Lines like "the drawings that she draws", "tears flow from her eyes", "...the tears every once in a while", "the drawings that she draws" are kind of generic and not that descriptive.
The last line is really cheesy.

Go ahead and negative rep me for this

yeh i see what you mean i wrote it a few years ago so its a bit rubbish, i just wanted to see what other people thought.
im not going to neg-rep you for just saying what u think.

i like it, and its almost like i can relate to it too.
well done

thank you :)

[Kaya]

I, too, can relate to it. Its really nice.