i'd give anything to be dead right now.

[1_21Guns]

too much stress.
too much pressure.
too much pain.
too much to do.

too little time.
too little energy.
too little patience.
too little strength.

i cant do this anymore. i was about to cut 2 minutes ago. only didnt because i couldn't.
i just want to die. literally just die.
then i wont have to do these stupid exams or live my stupid life.
i think i'm suicidal again, those voices are pushing me to the edge.
i'm 15 years old, and i swear i'm going to be alcoholic before long. going getting a mouthful of vodka whenever my mum goes out. wtf?
i've never been afraid of death. about the only fear i've never had.
i'll never kill myself. i'm not selfish enough. but i wish i was dead.
suddenly everything went right for a day. now its all gone to shit again.
its not the first time i'll of tried to kill myself, probably won't be the last either.
someone just kill me, please.

[MadManWithaBox]

Don't give up. Please. Life should be worth more than this.

[UnknownError]

Your better than that.
Honestly where I live there is teen alchoholics everywhere, and honestly the state of them is horrible.
You exams will be over soon, then you can just relax.
Just push the voices to the back of your head.
Or even talk to yourself.
Some people think its a sign of madness but I do it and it usually helps.
So please just relax and push the stress away.

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

So many think Death is the only way out..When truly..It's running away.
I used to cut, but I started facing my problems one at a time. You can't let the past hold you down. "There is no future, there is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only this, there's only us. Forget regret, or life is your's to miss."
Posting here, and not killing yourself, has already proven you're strong, now you just got to gather your strength together. Take one one problem at a time, and don't rush. Things do work themselves out, if you give a little push.

[1_21Guns]

So many think Death is the only way out..When truly..It's running away.
I used to cut, but I started facing my problems one at a time. You can't let the past hold you down. "There is no future, there is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only this, there's only us. Forget regret, or life is your's to miss."
Posting here, and not killing yourself, has already proven you're strong, now you just got to gather your strength together. Take one one problem at a time, and don't rush. Things do work themselves out, if you give a little push.

i know it's running away, i've always seen it as that. which is why ive never done it to the point i knew i'd die. the times ive tried i've more hoped it would work than anything.
im just getting tired of facing problems that come up. i've always faced them. its just draining. i'll be okay though. i know its no way out.

[TigerLily]

What are the problems getting you down atm, Natalie?
I hope I'm not being nosy, it's just sometimes recognising and identifying these things helps make them seem more manageable issues, as opposed to one big load of shit, for want of a better explanation =P
Alcohol abuse is just another step on the road to self-destruct (yeah, yeah, hypocrite), but you know that.
Just take care of yourself. You have more going for you than against you, I promise you that - even if you don't see it.
Take care<3 xx

[Mike321]

Dont give up Nat, your stronger than this, you might not feel it now but you are.
I know exams are stressful but you only have to do them once or twice, then they're over.
Atleast you know that its not a way out and it really isnt worth it, I know you've got alot of pressure on you and it is draining.
As Rachel said, you have alot going for you, your a great help to people on here and your friends, just dont give up
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk
Hope your okay x

[1_21Guns]

thanks guys.

[ThomasB.]

Don't give up now. You never know in 10 years time your life could be so much better if you keep it right now!

[Hanyo]

Natalie... please never think like this again. I've seen first hand, its very damaging. The more you talk and think about how much you just want to die, the more you solidify that point of view. It builds and reinforces itself, so if you continue like that it'll only get harder and harder to overcome it.

Instead of thinking about how much you would like to die, please think about how much you would like to be in control of your life and to be happy and relaxed. Every time you start to think about how much you would like to be dead, stop the thought from finishing, and say in your mind how much you wish you were strong and could handle anything and be happy.

Now, identify what is causing you the stress and feelings that its too much for you? From what I can see of your posts, I think that class is not going well for you, and that the final exams are coming up and you've been so stressed out and tired that you haven't been able to study well and are worried that you will not do well. If there's more, I think its helpful to make a list of the things that stress you out.

Now think about it... in the big picture, what of these things is really important? Your grades? Your test score on a few exams? No... in a few years, these things will be almost meaningless. Suppose you were able to push yourself hard and manage a decent grade out of the exams and your classes... what good would that do you if you were incapacitated by fatigue and depression?? It would have been completely pointless. This world is backwards and emphasizes the wrong things. Its good to learn things, but the score on the test itself... its just a number. It only reflects how well you were able to retain information during the window of time that you took the test. Even if you study hard and cram for a week or two straight before your exams, what real value do you gain from it? Your test score may go up, but really, won't you forget everything you memorized after a few months? I hope this doesn't depress you more... the point is that your grades and the test scores hold very little actual value. What's valuable is the knowledge and wisdom and insight that you gained from the study.

For now though... your mind is in a very unhealthy condition. The MOST important thing for you to do now is to make progress on reconditioning your mind to be happy instead of depressed. So I recommend for you to not worry too much about school and focus more on relaxing and rebalancing your mind.

Let me tell you something interesting; "Better is a handful of rest than a double handful of hard work and striving after the wind." That's from the Bible. Yeah, it actually has a lot of useful stuff in there. God is way smart. What it means is that its good to take a rest when you're tired, because if you push yourself extra when you're already too tired, you're just over working yourself, and for what? Some numbers on a piece of paper that have such fleeting importance? Its like trying to catch the wind right? Kind of pointless.

So instead of killing yourself trying to study every day, focus more on your health and wellbeing for now. Lack of sleep is a huge stress factor. I don't know how you're sleeping, but some things that should help a little are to make sure to eat healthy meals, exercise regularly, and allow enough time to sleep. Try for 8 or 9 hours, or 7 minimum every night.

Think about what takes time away from you being able to do this. Are there things you can cut from the daily routine that can give back more time? Watching TV, chatting with acquantances about nothing in particular? I'm not saying you're doing this, I'm just throwing out examples. Try to simplify your life and cut out the things that aren't that important, and then you should have time to attend class on time, sleep enough, exercise and eat right, have a few hours to study.

Still worried about the exams though right? Well, what's the worst that can happen if you don't do well? You fail the classes and have to take them again? Ok, so maybe you'll graduate HS a bit late... so what? Its far more important to be healthy and safe, then on track with some man-made schedule and on the edge of death.

So, recognize that your physical and mental health are your first priority, and arrange your life from there.

Please be safe, and take good care of yourself.