Friends With Benefits?

[murderousflower]

So, lately I've been wondering about this. I mean, I know how it works. And I've got this friend, (lets call him X). X had a "special friend" until just recently. And I like him.
-long and pointless explanation would go here-

Anyways, I'm wondering how I would really tell X that I want to be closer. I'm not sure how these things work.

[Hollywood]

Well, does this mean you have romantic feelings towards him? I don't agree with the whole "Friends with benefits" thing because I believe that passes the "friends" threshold. If you want to do those things, you need to be in a relationship.

But, if that's what you want, here's what you should do. Just sit him down and say that you want to be a little more than just friends, but you don't want to get serious.

This also works over the internet or over texting, but I believe saying so in person is better. He may not, however, feel like he wants to do this because he just got out of that sort of relationship. Nonetheless, ask him if that is what you really want. That's all you can do. Also keep in mind that this could put a strain on the friendship if he says no. Make sure this is what you want to do before saying anything.

Best of luck.

[murderousflower]

One of the reasons we both like the idea (and we've discussed it all before) is that it doesn't complicate things with labels.
And thanks for the reply. : )

[Gumleaf]

i don't agree with the concept of this. in my view the only way this would work is if you disconnected all emotion from it. a line has to be drawn in the sand before anything happens where you talk about where if you do this, where the boudaries lay so that the friendship doesn't turn bad from expectations from one person that the other person doesn't share. ideally the benefits part should be kept for relationships, but if you want to do this just make sure the boundaries are set before hand otherwise it's nearly certain that things will end badly.

[Sage]

If you want to do those things, you need to be in a relationship.


I disagree. Love and sex are like nachos and cheese. Better together but still pretty good on their own. My advice? Go for it. It'll be an interesting experience you won't forget, err, whether that's for the better or worse.

[My_Toes_Are_Cold]

Deschain actually makes a good point. While I encourage everyone to have sex with a person they love (and use a condom, for fuck's sake), regardless of what the future holds it will still give you some experience, and that feeling of experience will give you confidence.

My preferred method of admitting my attraction to girls is asking them out on a date. This has never worked. All of my relationships have happened due to a series of events that lead up to making out and eventual romantic relationship.

One method would be the old "hang-out-make-out"; you schedule a time to hang out, get close, and make out. This is how I began my most stable relationship. It may not work, in the off chance one party is not interested.

I don't recommend friends with benefits. I may be doing it wrong, but I've always had negative results from those relationships. They only work if both parties are on the same channel.

[AllieBama]

Me and my bff tried this out for a while, and it was great honestly. It's amazing for all those sexual frustrations and whatnot. You just have to have an extremely close friendship already. I know friends of mine that have tried it and it backfired big time. So yea, you need a really close existing friendship, and if you try it out, kinda keep it under wraps, it might get awkward if alot of people know.

[DayBreakArt]

If you're williing to take the risks with the f.w.b. thing then go for it. Tell him that you would like to be more than friends without being in a relationship. It might be easier for you if you did it over text but as Tyler said, it's better said in person.

[Art_dude]

I think it's a difficult balance to achieve, but it's certainly possible. And like Deschain said so eloquently in his nacho analogy, put together, having a sexual relationship with a friend makes it all the more special - you know the person, you know their intentions, and you can have fun with it.