Fat.

[Wish]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be wasting space like this.
It's just, I'm so distressed right now.

I didn't realise I'd been purging for as long as I have...
I haven't purged for two days and it isn't a good thing.
I'm fat, my Mum keeps telling me that I am and I can't take it. I need to do something.
The food, it's in me, and I need to get it out.

When did this damn eating problem take over me?
I used to be in control of everything but now it is out of my grasp.
I don't know what to do. I wish I could stop complaining and just shut up but I can't.

I'm no use to anyone like this, no use at all.

[Obscene Eyedeas]

Hun take a deep breath working yourself up will just make things worse right now. you believe you are fat note i say believe because it is a common problem caused by an e.d. you want to stop? take it 1 day at a time and find someone close to you can talk to. also maybe try a rewards system and treat yourself for everyday you beat this

[Wish]

Thanks. I just am struggling because every time I look in the mirror I just look horrible. The scales just don't lie and they show that I'm fat :/ I do want to stop throwing up and everything but it is just so hard because I am so ridiculously disgusting and everyone hates me for it.

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

I know what you mean, about looking in the mirror and seeing yourself, being displeased. I feel like that everyday. It has come to a point where I put hairspray on the mirror to distort my body image so that I don't see myself and start cutting my hips and thighs again, to make all of the fat go away. I'm sure you aren't fat, you just need to work at yourself, one day at a time and get better. You should talk to a friend or school counselour about it. It might seem weird and stupid, but once you get a grip on your life by talking it out with them, things will settle and be okay.

[DragonflyBec]

You are in control; you have recognized what you are doing and that takes control. Don't think of yourself compiling; your seeking advice and thats a very wise and responsible thing to do.

Possible idea for you is to sit down and explain to you mother about how you feel when she calls you fat; tell her the situation, how it makes you feel, and the outcome you want to happen; eg. When you call me fat; or put me down with your comments; I feel insecure. I understand and feel what your saying to me; I would like you to please stop calling me fat.

If this does not work; realize you mother is just wanting to help you and "let you know" in a rather unpleasant way of how she sees you; maybe she's unsure how to tell you otherwise?

Exercise is best for you; Maybe ask your mother or a family member/friend to start coming on walks with you; it'll be social.

I understand from my own personal experience how it feels to have food "sitting" in your stomach and having the urge to chuck it. But eat healthily and feel your body thank you for food? burn if off with a quick pace walk. With slow actions you'll get through

Hope this helped. PM me if you need

x

[Wish]

Thank you for all your replies.

My Mum is nicer now than she was. I told her (possibly rather heatedly) that I was upset with her calling me fat and ugly and everything all the time. Now she says more complimentary things... which make me feel uncomfortable really.

I'm feeling a bit confused right now. I know that destructive eating behaviours aren't recommended. I know that, honest, but the more I seem to want to lose weight the worse they get. It is infuriating because I haven't seen any actual weight loss. I know all about these healthy diets and them being better sustainably and everything, but I can't seem to get it out of my head that purging is theraputic, that everything is painful and damaging- though I know that actually scares me.

I don't understand what I'm doing right now. It seems I've got so much worse in the past week than I ever have been.

Thanks again :)