Shout For Help

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

I posted to my blog about this about twice, and people told me to post it in the forums, so. I don't eat. If I do, I use excessive excersize to burn off all the calories. If I can't excersize, or I ate a lot, I will start cutting down my chest and stomach. On a bad day, I will cut my thighs and hips. Everyday when I stand in front of the mirror, I see an overweight girl. When I look at my thighs, I don't see bones, I see couches oozing with fat and when I look at my stomach, I think I am looking at my pregnant aunt, who in my eyes seems a lot thinner. My school psychiatrist says I have an eating disorder, but I think of it more as being the only thing I can really hold onto. The only thing I an control. People ion my school say that I am pretty and thin, but it hurts me to hear that because I don't see myself that way and I want to see what they see. I am glad I get no attention, but at the same time I am starved for attention and don't know what to do with myself. I can't eat. I can't sleep without medicating myself. Help.

[ShatteredWings]

the only thing I can really hold onto. The only thing I an control
That's kinda a charecteristic of an eating disorder.

I saw your photo album. There is no way in hell you're fat. And i think part of you knows something's wrong with what you're doing.
You want out of this? Cause.. it's hard.

:hug:

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

I guess I do know that something is wrong with what I am doing, I just don't know how to stop, and something tells me I won't be able to.

[ShatteredWings]

Do you want to stop?

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

I don't really know. I think I probably should, but I don't think I want to. It's just that I think if I start eating again, I'll turn into something I don't want to be, and then I will start it all over again. I don't even like looking at people who eat, it makes me feel sick and fat.

[ShatteredWings]

I don't even like looking at people who eat, it makes me feel sick and fat.
...i know that feeling. I still don't like being around people who eat (particularly those without table manners), and for the most part I'm healthy [er... weight-wise anyway]

But eating itself isn't the problem. It's the extremes that cause issues.

Admittedly, if you try to get out of this, it won't be easy. From personal experiences you can't just go right back to 'normal', it doesn't work. Your stomach shrinks when you don't eat and stops producing the stomach acid to digest a lot of food. You'll have to start with lighter foods (sorry, cant reprhase that to avoid the pun :|).. anything that's mostly water, really.

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

That could explain the sharp pains I get in my stomach when I try to eat, but that's just another reason not to eat. It literally hurts to eat.

[ShatteredWings]

Yeah. It does.

The problem with getting out when you're that deep in is it probably takes just as much diet control to work your way to healthy as it does to stay where you are.

Is there anything you can eat without pain, or at least minimal pain?

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

I don't really know, I haven't really tried. Sometimes I'll try to eat like, soup or something, and it still hurts, but not as much as other foods.

[ShatteredWings]

Well go for that then. It's something, at least.

soup, fruits if you can... have you ever tried any of the protein shake/meal replacement stuff? Some of it's rather thick, but there's this stuff image (http://www.adadc.com/assets/images/special-k20-water.jpg) which is more like gatoraid or juice.

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

Juice has too much sugar and waaay too many calouries.

[ShatteredWings]

You need the calories.

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

I think I need to keep cutting down on my calourie intake.

[ShatteredWings]

No, that's the exact opposite of what you need to do.
:hug:
yeah, it's scary.
but you need to do this.

[xXDyingToBeReedyXx]

I don't know if I want to anymore though.
I know I need to get better, but I also know I need to get thinner.