i cant do it, but i have to. *rant!!*

[georgiamay]

i burnt myself the other day, and i have a few small scratches that barely even broke the skin, and all i want to do is cut myself so deep that i bleed A LOT! i know i shouldn't and i haven't done it yet, because i know if i do, the scare will take FOREVER to heal, and i might not be able to hide it, but while i was scratching, all i kept thinking about was grabbing the knife downstairs and just going fucking crazy at my arm, but i was scared. i'm a fucking coward, i cant even cut myself.

i dont want to cut, or burn or anything, but i just want to hurt myself so much that i have to scream because it hurts so much. i put a metal pen lid into the tongs of my straighteners (if that makes sense), and then dropped it onto my wrist and pushed it down with the edge of my straighteners, until i heard my step mum come through the front door, and i dropped everything and locked myself in the bathroom and left it under the tap for a few minutes.

all i want to do is cut so fucking deep that it bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. i dont care if it kills me, i just want to, but i'm scared, because i'm a fucking coward. i dont want to hurt my family, so i dont do it, but it kills me not do, if that makes sense.

major rant, sorry, i just needed to get it out.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

i'm exactly the same way to be honest, apart from i'm not too bothered about hurting my family, its my boryfriend that i;m worried about hurting. and i would offer you some advice but i actually have none atm... sorry... but i spose i just replied on this thread to et you know your not on your own... PM or VM if you want to talk about anything, and i'll try and help, or just listen :hug3:

[Amyxoxo]

Your not a coward for not cutting yourself. At this point in time you are being very reasonable.
Just think about the good points about cutting and the bad, if you write it down you see that there are a lot more cons.
As I said just try not to do a really deep cut, this will just make things get really bad.
You must have heard of things that may give the same feeling, so why don't you just try one of them.
Amy x

[georgiamay]

thanks both of you :)

amy, the only problem is that nothing seems to give me the same effect, i mean, i quite like watching myself bleed, but i keep stopping myself because i'm scared about what it might do to my family, and the only cons i can think of really are that its frowned upon, it'll hurt my family, and i might die. sometimes i dont care if i die or not, and the pros are that i feel just a little bit better about everything, and sometimes it just makes me feel something i'm trying to think of more cons like you said. thank you :) maybe i'll think of one that will actually put me off it for life. think possitively right?

[Amyxoxo]

Yes, think positively.
It might hurt your family.
It may hurt yourself so that you are not able to use a part or your body anymore.
You may hit a vein and die, if you really think about it, you know deep down that you don't want to.
It will effect you in the summer coming up.
It will stop you from doing swimming, bathing stuff short selves in public.
You will end up having the scars for life, think about your shildren, what if they see and ask?
You may not be accepted for a job (I know that this on is controversial however the employee would not tell you that you didn't get the job because of that, but they may think it!)
There are many more, the only pro I can think of is that it will release you for a few seconds/minutes. Now for me the cons outweigh the pros.
Well that is my opinion.
All I can do is know that I have informed you, however in the long run it is your choice.
However I have learnt from experience, please think before you act.
Amy x

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Yes, think positively.
It might hurt your family.
It may hurt yourself so that you are not able to use a part or your body anymore.
You may hit a vein and die, if you really think about it, you know deep down that you don't want to.
It will effect you in the summer coming up.
It will stop you from doing swimming, bathing stuff short selves in public.
You will end up having the scars for life, think about your shildren, what if they see and ask?
You may not be accepted for a job (I know that this on is controversial however the employee would not tell you that you didn't get the job because of that, but they may think it!)
There are many more, the only pro I can think of is that it will release you for a few seconds/minutes. Now for me the cons outweigh the pros.
Well that is my opinion.
All I can do is know that I have informed you, however in the long run it is your choice.
However I have learnt from experience, please think before you act.
Amy x

all the cons you just mentioned normally always make me feel really guilty and it makes me want to do it more cause of the guilt i feel, so tbh its a lose, lose situation with me :/

[georgiamay]

thank you :) i really will try to stop, you made me realise the other other cons that i forgot about.

i'm going to try, but it might take a while. i've said before, sometimes i dont realize i'm doing it until its too late, but i'm really going to try this time to control myself properly. thank you xx

[Amyxoxo]

Well I have learnt that if it isn't directly your fault then don't feel guilty about it.
Now trust me, it has taken me years to drum that into myself however I feel much more better for that.
I'm trying to stop cutting as I want to be at my best for summer.
I have just come out a really depressing patch and tbh all the guilt I felt was really pathetic.
I'm not saying that your the same, pathetic, however you will look back on these times and wonder to yourself why you are doing this. But to look back on things you have to move on. Everyone needs to get through this and be the strongest you have ever and may ever be.
I'm sorry that your guilt controls so much however there is a fix to the problem, you just have to try and find it.
Amy xx