want it all to end.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

right, this post may not make sense, all my thoughts are jumbled, so sorry if it doesnt make sense :/

but recently i've been feeling so...so distant, low, angry, numb. i don't know. i;m finding it very hard at the minute to find the energy to be bothered about anything. i have my gcse exams within the next 5/6 weeks and i'm not revising, i'm not listening in classes. i'm just not bothered anymore. i seem to be always tired. i've acxtually managed to not cut in about a month... but i scratch myself, dig nails into my skin etc. so still self harm. i'm such a failure, worthless, useless, fat, ugly, miserable cow. can't go on like this, i've actually been thinking about how much easier it would be if i weren't here anymore, i dont see what i have to live for. i actually don't want to live anymore. i'm not wanted by my 'best' friends, they walked off and left me on my own today, didn't even look back or slow down...glad i mean such a lot to them, they want me to do some revision tomorrow and i was like hmmm not sure which they said oh its not like you've got anything better to do on a friday night... well yeah i do actually.
but the urge to cut is too strong, i actually want to go downstairs and get one of our sharpest kitchen knives and just slash my arm open.. not just a little cut but a proper full on down to the bone cut. i hate feeling thnis. i hate my life. i actualy do want to end it. end it all.

not sure why i'm posting this but ohwelll...

[ExEmoBlood]

but recently i've been feeling so...so distant, low, angry, numb. i don't know. i;m finding it very hard at the minute to find the energy to be bothered about anything. i have my gcse exams within the next 5/6 weeks and i'm not revising, i'm not listening in classes. i'm just not bothered anymore. i seem to be always tired.

Depression. One way the body deals with it is to sleep.

i've acxtually managed to not cut in about a month... but i scratch myself, dig nails into my skin etc. so still self harm.

I've done that in the past when I was going through the process of ending my cutting habbits.

This sounds weird, but I found that digging my nails into my flesh very relieving. BUT! I thought about that, and I found that I could dig my nails into just about anything soft and get the same satisfaction. Try that.

i'm such a failure, worthless, useless, fat, ugly, miserable cow.

No. Bad. No self-pity. And don't give me the "But it's true!" statement. I don't want to hear it.

The word "failure" in my dictionary means "to give up." You never fail at anything untill you give up.

Wortheless/useless: Now, that is just an ignorant thing to say. If you were indeed "worthless," or "useless," you wouldn't have been posting this. You posted this because you subconciously know that there is still hope. And you just need help finding it.

Fat/ugly: That's a matter of opinion. Not fact. Disregard those thoughts.

Miserable cow: You WILL be miserable if you keep thinking negatively. Now, I doubt you're a cow... it would be hard to type with hooves. So, I know you're just bullshitting me on that part.

can't go on like this, i've actually been thinking about how much easier it would be if i weren't here anymore, i dont see what i have to live for. i actually don't want to live anymore.
i hate my life. i actualy do want to end it. end it all.

Then, don't go on "like this."
Force yourself to make it better.

And suicide may seem like an easy way out-- but you know what? In those last, dying moments that you have... You'll regret it all. You'll know fear beyond comprehension. You'll laugh-- You'll cry-- You'll be angry at yourself because you made that foolish decision. And you won't be able to take it back because you're dead.


Now, as for your friend(s), I suggest you lay it out for them in private. Let them know how you feel. If they don't take it seriously, fuck 'em. Find new ones.

[Scarface]

You have already gone a month without cutting, so why give up now? Don't let you're friends rent space in you're head it's just another drama and you certainly do not need that. Concentrate on school and keep a positive mind as hard as that may seem at the moment. If you like digging you're nails into something you could always try a stress ball those really helped me out. Keep yourself distracted and move forward if you're friends are supportive and have you're back then you don't need friends like that. You can always find new friends. Remember that death is a permanent solution and in the end it's not worth it. You have a future ahead of you, so get motivated pick yourself back up dust yourself off and move forward. You can do this don't give in you have already gone a month rid you're life of this nasty addiction for good. If you need someone to talk to shoot me a VM anytime I'm always here.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

This sounds weird, but I found that digging my nails into my flesh very relieving. BUT! I thought about that, and I found that I could dig my nails into just about anything soft and get the same satisfaction. Try that.

its the pain that helps me, not the actual feeling of digging in my nails...get what i mean?

The word "failure" in my dictionary means "to give up." You never fail at anything untill you give up.

i know but i have given up, in a way. :/

Wortheless/useless: Now, that is just an ignorant thing to say. If you were indeed "worthless," or "useless," you wouldn't have been posting this. You posted this because you subconciously know that there is still hope. And you just need help finding it.

okay, i may not be worthless and useless but i feel it

Miserable cow: You WILL be miserable if you keep thinking negatively. Now, I doubt you're a cow... it would be hard to type with hooves. So, I know you're just bullshitting me on that part.

i can't help but to think negatively. but that last bit made me laugh, thank you. i needed that :)


Then, don't go on "like this."
Force yourself to make it better.

And suicide may seem like an easy way out-- but you know what? In those last, dying moments that you have... You'll regret it all. You'll know fear beyond comprehension. You'll laugh-- You'll cry-- You'll be angry at yourself because you made that foolish decision. And you won't be able to take it back because you're dead.

forcing myself to make it better is easier said than done, and i know suicide is the easy way out but i dont know... :/

Now, as for your friend(s), I suggest you lay it out for them in private. Let them know how you feel. If they don't take it seriously, fuck 'em. Find new ones.

yeah this is already like my 4th set of friends in the past 5 years :/



You have already gone a month without cutting, so why give up now? Don't let you're friends rent space in you're head it's just another drama and you certainly do not need that. Concentrate on school and keep a positive mind as hard as that may seem at the moment. If you like digging you're nails into something you could always try a stress ball those really helped me out. Keep yourself distracted and move forward if you're friends are supportive and have you're back then you don't need friends like that. You can always find new friends. Remember that death is a permanent solution and in the end it's not worth it. You have a future ahead of you, so get motivated pick yourself back up dust yourself off and move forward. You can do this don't give in you have already gone a month rid you're life of this nasty addiction for good. If you need someone to talk to shoot me a VM anytime I'm always here.


i dont WANT to give up, just not strong enough to fight it. i absoutly suck at thinking positivley, i also see the negative side of things. but at the moment, they;re the only friends i have, cause i fucked up with my old friends.


and ive just found out my uncle is in hospital and we cant get hold of my mum so everythings like.. i dont eveythings getting too much atm

oh and i'm giving you both +rep for that thank you :)

[Scarface]

i dont WANT to give up, just not strong enough to fight it. i absoutly suck at thinking positivley, i also see the negative side of things. but at the moment, they;re the only friends i have, cause i fucked up with my old friends.


and ive just found out my uncle is in hospital and we cant get hold of my mum so everythings like.. i dont eveythings getting too much atm

When the going get tough the tough get going. I remember going through some pretty tough times myself when I quit. I was just sick and tired of all the scars and being hot all the time because of the long big clothes i had to wear. I was just tired of the misery and I knew there was hope for me. As for these friends what is the point of having friends who truly don't care about you? You need to find some people that really care for you and have you're best interest at heart. Maybe if you talk to a school counselor they could help you. Just deal with everything one thing at a time, because when you have all of these thoughts going through you're head at one time you'll get overwhelmed and that leads to a breakdown. Just slow down and breathe. I hope things turn around for you. keep you're head up and keep a positive attitude you're on the right path just stay on it. Good luck and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

When the going get tough the tough get going. I remember going through some pretty tough times myself when I quit. I was just sick and tired of all the scars and being hot all the time because of the long big clothes i had to wear. I was just tired of the misery and I knew there was hope for me. As for these friends what is the point of having friends who truly don't care about you? You need to find some people that really care for you and have you're best interest at heart. Maybe if you talk to a school counselor they could help you. Just deal with everything one thing at a time, because when you have all of these thoughts going through you're head at one time you'll get overwhelmed and that leads to a breakdown. Just slow down and breathe. I hope things turn around for you. keep you're head up and keep a positive attitude you're on the right path just stay on it. Good luck and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here.

thank you :) i know it leads to a breakdown... i was out with my best friends and boyf and we got bit tipsy/drunk and while them two had gone off i ended up just breaking down in front of my boyf, it was just before he found out about me cutting. and my bloody friend thought we were sat there shagging, but yeah... she and other best friend needed me, so like i always do i just pushed my problems aside and went to help them. but it seems i'm always there for them but they're never realy there for me...then again it might ve cause i dont really trust them that much but i dont know. but i just dont feel like i fit in with them anymore. i've changed, and i'm not sure if its a good change or a bad change. to be honest i cant wait ti lseptemeber when i start college, it means i can start over

[ExEmoBlood]

You're welcome for the laugh. //..,^

You sound a lot like one of my favorite songs. Here's a verse from it:
Focus here, focus there
Cannot see the light
Falling down through the night
Sprawling everywhere
Searching left, searching right
Panic setting in
I can no longer fight
WHEN WILL THIS END?!
Accelorate, dislocate
Set to "crash and burn"
Haven't got time to waste
Not planning to return
Aggrovate, aggitate
When will I ever learn?
There's no way out of here
NOWHERE TO TURN!
Obsessive yearning
Compulsive burning
Still not yet learning
Insane- RANDOM THOUGHTS OF NEAT DISORDER!
Scattered wasteland surrounding me
Tattered memories of what use to be
Apocalyptic mind debris
Until we meet again
OOGH!
_ _ _ _ _
Thoughts? (and I'm not trying to change the topic, I want your opinion on the verse before I explain something about my interpretation of the song, and how it somewhat inspires me.)

[LoveMe_HateMe]

well it kinda sums me up...what song is it? and i like it :)

[ExEmoBlood]

Uh-huh. You THINK it sums you up.

Constant Motion- Dream Theatre.

The chorus of the song is:
Traveling through both space and time
Out of body, out of mind
Out of control
My wheels in con-stant mo-tion
Spinning round and round they go
I can't let up, I can't let go
Can't stop this flame from burning
FOREVERMORE!
INTO THE NIGHT!
BLISTERING!

Pay attention to the last few stanzas. The ones in italics.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

i'm not sure i get it.... the hot weather is making me slow >_< :P

[Amyxoxo]

I would like to say that I am going through EXACTLY what you are going through, however I still have one more year of it!
Although you are feeling bad at this point the main problems are the exams.
They will determine the rest of your life so sadly you do have to forget about everything apart from school work.
Amy x

[ExEmoBlood]

Well, at least you seem a bit more cheerful.

I'll attempt to explain.
The lyrics from before (not the chorus) seemed somewhat sad in a way-- yes? Well, that's just the point. First impressions on situations usualy seem bad. But when you view the situation (chorus) more carefuly you realize that it isn't always what it seems.

Now, I realize that that probably confuses you a bit. I'll elaborate a bit more.

The words in italics-- to me, "I can't let up, I can't let go" means you're determined not to give up; even though you've endured so much.
"Can't stop this flame from burning," represents the burning will to succeed.
"Forevermore- Into the night- Blistering," forever continuing onward. The night: the troubles that come with life. Blistering: Again, your will to succeed, but with this it emphasizes how determined one can be. The will you can have becomes so blisteringly hot that you can forever "blister" determination into your mind.

Now, it's up to you.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Oh I get what you mean, thank you :) that's actually quite a meaningful song.

I'll try and keep everything you've said to me in mind :) thank you again ^_^