javs262
May 19th, 2010, 09:50 PM
ok, things have been going reasonably great in 2010 - i met a girl, i had great friends, i was getting good grades. and me and my family have been getting along... i thought that things were looking up for a change, but i should have known better, because good things dont last long for me, because something always happens to make my happiness < sadness
1. the girl i like met another guy, when i was sure she had a thing for me... we are still friends, but i had my hopes up too high (should have known better >.>)
2. my dog that i have had since i was in 3rd grade got a tumor, it is cancerous and it is inoperable. i have had him for half of my life and now he is going through pain, to add to it, he has a cataract in one of his eyes, so only one of his eyes works... and hes overweight. i always thought of him as a happy dog because he would be in a cheery mood whenever i saw him, and this is because we saved him from an abusive family, he would be scared whenever he peed in the house and would hide somewhere. he is just kindest dog ever (hes a bischon frise) and we have another dog the same age as him who is a shih tzu. i never really planned for him to go this way because they are always hanging around each other like best friends, and the fact that we are a struggling family with money problems, i dont think Tino (my dog) has much longer to live. lately he has been just laying on his pillow and hasnt been eating as much as he used to, and the tumor is huge now. i always think "what will Toby (my shih tzu) do when Tino goes? will he be depressed? what would he think when he sees Tino leaving the house to be put to sleep and never coming home ever again?" I love my dogs so much because whenever i felt helpless, they were always there to nap with me until i felt better. I love my dogs more than i love my family, they have caused me nothing but depression and a waste of a child hood.
3. school drama >.> that is resolved right now but it got to the point where me and some guys i used to be close friends with were getting ready for a fight.
4. school work is getting more stressful because i used to have no interest in school, so in 9th and 10th grade, i let my GPA get as bad as 1.2, by the end of this year, it should be up to a 2.1, then next year is my last year in high school but im taking normal classes next year, because this year i was in easier classes. im scared that i will get overwhelmed and i dont want to go back to lower classes because i dont think colleges will find that very impressive. i really want to try to get into a descent college because i want to be able to be stable in a career and get the money to move away from my family.
5. my family targets me to get me mad on purpose so they can ground me for a reason... being the youngest sucks
thats just the stuff that has been bothering me lately, this morning was really good because Tino finished his whole breakfast which he normally does not finish :) i almost cried from happiness because i love the sound of his little chomps when he bites his food and the face he makes while hes eating. i havnt seen that face in a month.
its really hard to go by my day sometimes because whenever im with my friends having a good time, something will usually get me sad, but i dont tell anybody because i dont like to feel like im complaining about it because other people have it worse than i do. i dont bottle it up because i talk to some really good friends sometimes when im super sad (like the girl i met) so i dont bottle too bad. i have other things about myself that really depresses me, but i have learned to deal with it because i am emotionally stable and have really good self-control
(by the way, i am NOT religious, i believe in an afterlife and a god, but i do not love god... i have some reasons to my dislike of god, but i had/have Christianity forced on me by my parents and they punish me when i resist the religion)
1. the girl i like met another guy, when i was sure she had a thing for me... we are still friends, but i had my hopes up too high (should have known better >.>)
2. my dog that i have had since i was in 3rd grade got a tumor, it is cancerous and it is inoperable. i have had him for half of my life and now he is going through pain, to add to it, he has a cataract in one of his eyes, so only one of his eyes works... and hes overweight. i always thought of him as a happy dog because he would be in a cheery mood whenever i saw him, and this is because we saved him from an abusive family, he would be scared whenever he peed in the house and would hide somewhere. he is just kindest dog ever (hes a bischon frise) and we have another dog the same age as him who is a shih tzu. i never really planned for him to go this way because they are always hanging around each other like best friends, and the fact that we are a struggling family with money problems, i dont think Tino (my dog) has much longer to live. lately he has been just laying on his pillow and hasnt been eating as much as he used to, and the tumor is huge now. i always think "what will Toby (my shih tzu) do when Tino goes? will he be depressed? what would he think when he sees Tino leaving the house to be put to sleep and never coming home ever again?" I love my dogs so much because whenever i felt helpless, they were always there to nap with me until i felt better. I love my dogs more than i love my family, they have caused me nothing but depression and a waste of a child hood.
3. school drama >.> that is resolved right now but it got to the point where me and some guys i used to be close friends with were getting ready for a fight.
4. school work is getting more stressful because i used to have no interest in school, so in 9th and 10th grade, i let my GPA get as bad as 1.2, by the end of this year, it should be up to a 2.1, then next year is my last year in high school but im taking normal classes next year, because this year i was in easier classes. im scared that i will get overwhelmed and i dont want to go back to lower classes because i dont think colleges will find that very impressive. i really want to try to get into a descent college because i want to be able to be stable in a career and get the money to move away from my family.
5. my family targets me to get me mad on purpose so they can ground me for a reason... being the youngest sucks
thats just the stuff that has been bothering me lately, this morning was really good because Tino finished his whole breakfast which he normally does not finish :) i almost cried from happiness because i love the sound of his little chomps when he bites his food and the face he makes while hes eating. i havnt seen that face in a month.
its really hard to go by my day sometimes because whenever im with my friends having a good time, something will usually get me sad, but i dont tell anybody because i dont like to feel like im complaining about it because other people have it worse than i do. i dont bottle it up because i talk to some really good friends sometimes when im super sad (like the girl i met) so i dont bottle too bad. i have other things about myself that really depresses me, but i have learned to deal with it because i am emotionally stable and have really good self-control
(by the way, i am NOT religious, i believe in an afterlife and a god, but i do not love god... i have some reasons to my dislike of god, but i had/have Christianity forced on me by my parents and they punish me when i resist the religion)