1_21Guns
May 19th, 2010, 12:48 PM
i can't get it out of my head.
what she said to me.
what he said to me.
what i said.
what i did.
what i put myself through.
what everyone put me through.
the decisions i made and came to regret.
the people i loved that i came to hate.
the people i hated that were once enemies are now friends.
my whole world is just the oposite of what i ever expected.
who the hell am i?
what the hell am i doing with my life?
what am i going to do with my life?
why did i agree to let my whole world cave in on me?
why did i agree to destroy someones life for my own selfish needs?
maybe i was young and stupid, troubled and confused.
i mean, i was 12 years old, my mum gave me the chance to get away from my fathers abuse, what had torn me apart for 12 years. what was i going to say?
but now i remember the months before she asked me this.
and we were at my aunties and the family had a big argument, i just drank my way away from it. but then i went into the kitchen and my mum and auntie were talking about them leaving thier partners. i hoped for weeks it was true, but when my mum never mentioned it or did anything, i figured it was just drunken words which had ment nothing.
but when my mum asked me this i was overjoyed, i thought i was finally going to be free.
now i wish she'd never mentioned it.
i just keep thinking about the past, everything i should've done differently or should've said. i know it wont change it, but i just can't help myself.
what she said to me.
what he said to me.
what i said.
what i did.
what i put myself through.
what everyone put me through.
the decisions i made and came to regret.
the people i loved that i came to hate.
the people i hated that were once enemies are now friends.
my whole world is just the oposite of what i ever expected.
who the hell am i?
what the hell am i doing with my life?
what am i going to do with my life?
why did i agree to let my whole world cave in on me?
why did i agree to destroy someones life for my own selfish needs?
maybe i was young and stupid, troubled and confused.
i mean, i was 12 years old, my mum gave me the chance to get away from my fathers abuse, what had torn me apart for 12 years. what was i going to say?
but now i remember the months before she asked me this.
and we were at my aunties and the family had a big argument, i just drank my way away from it. but then i went into the kitchen and my mum and auntie were talking about them leaving thier partners. i hoped for weeks it was true, but when my mum never mentioned it or did anything, i figured it was just drunken words which had ment nothing.
but when my mum asked me this i was overjoyed, i thought i was finally going to be free.
now i wish she'd never mentioned it.
i just keep thinking about the past, everything i should've done differently or should've said. i know it wont change it, but i just can't help myself.