1_21Guns
May 19th, 2010, 12:17 PM
last night, i quite literally had my blade in my hand, i kept going to cut, but then stopping just as it got to when it would've broken my skin.
i know that's good but it was close.
i know i could get away with it, because people i dont want to see wouldnt have to for a while.
but i couldnt do it.
why?
me and my mum had another argument. i just had that much going on in my head at once, i wanted it all to go away.
stupid way of getting it all to go, but it works.
luckily a friend talked to me while i was in the middle of all this, i explained to him. the things i was saying just seem so unreal, i was after killing myself.. again.
everyone just seems so far away, i feel so numb to everything. i'm just so drained. i just feel empty, it feels like i cant feel anything anymore. like i'm just dead inside. pretending to live. so i want to make sure i'm alive again, i want blood. but ofc i can't get blood because it hurts everyone.
everyone around me thinks i'm still strong, but i'm not.
i havent felt like this in a long time.
ill just be sat there and i'll just get lost in my thought, then i dont even remember what i was thinking about.
i just dont know. i cant cut, but i cant feel anything but pain.
this is stupid and crazy.
sorry for the long rant post, i just kinda needed to vent a little.
i know that's good but it was close.
i know i could get away with it, because people i dont want to see wouldnt have to for a while.
but i couldnt do it.
why?
me and my mum had another argument. i just had that much going on in my head at once, i wanted it all to go away.
stupid way of getting it all to go, but it works.
luckily a friend talked to me while i was in the middle of all this, i explained to him. the things i was saying just seem so unreal, i was after killing myself.. again.
everyone just seems so far away, i feel so numb to everything. i'm just so drained. i just feel empty, it feels like i cant feel anything anymore. like i'm just dead inside. pretending to live. so i want to make sure i'm alive again, i want blood. but ofc i can't get blood because it hurts everyone.
everyone around me thinks i'm still strong, but i'm not.
i havent felt like this in a long time.
ill just be sat there and i'll just get lost in my thought, then i dont even remember what i was thinking about.
i just dont know. i cant cut, but i cant feel anything but pain.
this is stupid and crazy.
sorry for the long rant post, i just kinda needed to vent a little.