Syvelocin
May 17th, 2010, 11:49 PM
While in the hospital, I got up the courage to tell the only cool counselor about my alternate reality. He seemed to understand and said he's seen many patients who do that.
Basically, I created... an alternate reality. =P I didn't purposefully do that, but somehow I went from knowingly playing pretend to always being a different person with people who don't exist surrounding me.
Rith is my name. Or rather, her name. But she isn't separate from me. She's me, and this "Alex" is the one that doesn't exist. She's bipolar, too, and a self-harmer. Though the problem, the counselor said, is that I convince myself about things that are only true about Rith. I've convinced myself that my mother physically abused me, and isn't my real mother. That I'm three years older than I really am. That I have a boyfriend. That I'm famous. That I used to have a drug addiction. And too often I'll talk about something with my friends and know exactly what they're going through or discussing, when in reality I couldn't even attempt to put myself in their shoes, but Rith went through it.
It makes it tough in therapy, because I'm two people really. I have one set history that sometimes surfaces, and another that's there 80% of the time (Rith takes up that big chunk). I always think like she does. My friends don't exist, but hers do.
I truly believe this. I go around talking to people that aren't there about things that never happened. I call it my conscious multiple personality, for lack of a better name, until I heard of someone else that called it an alternate reality.
Basically, I created... an alternate reality. =P I didn't purposefully do that, but somehow I went from knowingly playing pretend to always being a different person with people who don't exist surrounding me.
Rith is my name. Or rather, her name. But she isn't separate from me. She's me, and this "Alex" is the one that doesn't exist. She's bipolar, too, and a self-harmer. Though the problem, the counselor said, is that I convince myself about things that are only true about Rith. I've convinced myself that my mother physically abused me, and isn't my real mother. That I'm three years older than I really am. That I have a boyfriend. That I'm famous. That I used to have a drug addiction. And too often I'll talk about something with my friends and know exactly what they're going through or discussing, when in reality I couldn't even attempt to put myself in their shoes, but Rith went through it.
It makes it tough in therapy, because I'm two people really. I have one set history that sometimes surfaces, and another that's there 80% of the time (Rith takes up that big chunk). I always think like she does. My friends don't exist, but hers do.
I truly believe this. I go around talking to people that aren't there about things that never happened. I call it my conscious multiple personality, for lack of a better name, until I heard of someone else that called it an alternate reality.