Poem about self harm

[rubyred91]

ok so its rubbish never wrote apoem before was supposed to be a song but welll....

I AM REAL

as i look in the mirror,
i pray for the pieces to crack,
as i feel the burn,
the mirror slowly mends,
but my heart stays cracked and broken,
as the rose petals weep,
my emotions finally sleep,
i start to feel alive,
im slowly mending,
as my red tears fall,
im slowly leaving this place,
but theres no flowers left for me,
i keep myslef alive,
as i drive the blade,
i start to feel,
i am real,
i see people dressed in black,
but i know its not my time,
i slowly bring myself back,
i carve a smile on my face,
as i look upon the world,
i am real.

ssoo be nice to hear feedback x

[Kaius]

Cutting and Self harm :arrow2: The Open Book

[dizzydinosaur]

That's pretty good :) esecially as it was your first poem :)

I think there are too many connectives, so it sounds like it should be a story rather than a poem, try to get rid of the but's possibly?

Also the more you write the better you'll get, but this is a great starting point :D xx