my strength's fading. i dont know how much longer i can pretend.

[1_21Guns]

i'm so close to relapsing again.
i'm only not doing so you don't lose hope completey.
i don't exactly want to stop.
i'm doing it for your sake.
when our friend had to take me out of lesson because you'd broken down.
then i saw you. i didnt want to know.
i knew exactly what you were going to start saying, i saw it all coming.
because i've been there before.
it was hard enough to watch myself go through this.
but now i'm watching you, and it hurts.
i'm running out of energy to fight for myself, nevermind you.
but i can't just leave you to hack yourself to pieces.
i keep wondering if i said if you cut i cut, and visa versa.
but i'm scared you'll stop telling me then.
i don't want to go that far. but i will.
does doing that really work though?
i'm getting too tired to hold onto my own life, i keep thinking about killing myself for no real reason.
what's going on?
I want to cut, frankly I just want to die.
I have so much to live for, but I still wish I was dead.
Summer's coming up, it makes me happy. Till I remember what happened last summer.
I can't cut. I can't die. You won't stop. I can't win.
What the hell am I supposed to do?

[Mike321]

I take it your talking about your friend who you are helping through the same problem as yourself.
I can sort of relate to that, as I helped my friend though cutting while I was still doing it myself. I agree it does take alot of your energy up and its really hard dealing with another persons problems as well as your own. You said yourself you've got so much to live for, and killing yourself won't solve your or your friends problems (which i am sure you are aware of).
She surley knows what you are going through and how hard it is for you to cope with both. Shouldn't that be a sort of insentive for her to think about stopping if she knows what this is doing to you.
I dont really know what else to say, I just hope your alright and your free to PM if you need someone to talk to
x

[1_21Guns]

I take it your talking about your friend who you are helping through the same problem as yourself.
I can sort of relate to that, as I helped my friend though cutting while I was still doing it myself. I agree it does take alot of your energy up and its really hard dealing with another persons problems as well as your own. You said yourself you've got so much to live for, and killing yourself won't solve your or your friends problems (which i am sure you are aware of).
She surley knows what you are going through and how hard it is for you to cope with both. Shouldn't that be a sort of insentive for her to think about stopping if she knows what this is doing to you.
I dont really know what else to say, I just hope your alright and your free to PM if you need someone to talk to
x

thanks, she doesnt really know i'm running out of energy. it's like im using 90% of it to support and help her, leaving me with hardly any to keep holding on myself.
I can't tell her i'm getting too weak to keep helping her, she'll blame herself.
she already thinks she's a problem as it is, i can't make her any worse...

[ExEmoBlood]

Helping others is an emotionaly-draining thing. Mentaly, too. I think 99% of the world population can relate to that in some form or fashion. God knows I can, for sure. I tried helping a couple of my friend with their relationship, and a few other things that I'm sure they wouldn't want me to talk about. But I helped them SO MUCH that after a while I couldn't even function. I couldn't even think of a single reassuring word to say for the longest time. When you sympathize with people too much you become somewhat numb.

Now, don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way: I suggest you stop sympathizing so much. Offer her your empathy. Your understanding. If knowing that she has someone that understands her isn't enough... Well, then, she IS being insensetive.

Best of luck.

[1_21Guns]

thank you Joshua.

[Mike321]

As Josh said, it is really emotionaly draining helping out other people, especialy close friends. I used to, and still do, put nearly everyone else first before myself and have been in a position similar to you a few times.
But I think it comes to a point where you need to get your own problems under control, before your spending all your time helping out other people. I know you care about her and want to help her, I understand that, but you shouldn't run yourself into the ground.
Just having you there to support her and help her should be a good insentive for her to maybe trying to stop.
I just feel really sorry for you, its not an easy thing sorting other people out as well as yourself, but you need to take some time to yourself and get back on track.
Hope this helps
x

[1_21Guns]

thanks mike

[ExEmoBlood]

thank you Joshua.
No need to thank me.
*pats your shoulder*

As Josh said, it is really emotionaly draining helping out other people, especialy close friends. I used to, and still do, put nearly everyone else first before myself and have been in a position similar to you a few times.
But I think it comes to a point where you need to get your own problems under control, before your spending all your time helping out other people. I know you care about her and want to help her, I understand that, but you shouldn't run yourself into the ground.
Just having you there to support her and help her should be a good insentive for her to maybe trying to stop.
I just feel really sorry for you, its not an easy thing sorting other people out as well as yourself, but you need to take some time to yourself and get back on track.
Hope this helps
x

Exactly.


I hope you're seriously taking what we say into consideration, hun. I don't want you to exhaust yourself more than you already have.