Letting it out for all to see.

[maximum]

Hi, this is my first post on these forums and I saw this. I am depressed. Some call emo. I want just to let it out in one go. I want all to see my depression and maybe help me get through. I have cut myself, it doesn't feel good but releases pain for me. Here we go.

My friends, what I call my friends, don't seem to care, I ask them questions and they reply with "Hmm" or "Yep" none seem interested in talking to me. My girlfriend Sam broke up with my and she will not tell me why, when I ask she calls "Faggot" and "Gay" to me. My friend Abbey, she liked my in a sexual way but I didn't know about my feelings for her, she told me some days ago and I flicked her off, I don't know how to fix it. There were rumors at school camp of me and Abbey in the tent, she was hitting on me and I was getting aroused in a way I had never felt, this was before I went out with Sam. When I went out with Sam she tried to get me to break up with me, and it broke my heart. I think of me and Sam in the bushes on the way back to home from school and cry, I think of us kissing on the ground, getting aroused my it. I get sad when I think of stuff like that. I tried hard to keep it from my parents and succeeded. I think I like Abbey and I might see what she thinks of me. I want someone to know how I feel. Sam was not as interested in me as Abbey I see now. I asked Sam if she loved me the day she broke my heart and she said yes. Going back further into my life, my dad got Septicemia in 2008 and almost died. He got it again 3 times since then. All my brothers came to our house from as far as London away. One even moved from London to Sydney. My parents argue a lot and I get sad from hearing them at night laying in my bed. Sometimes I want to die, and some people even offered money for me to kill myself. According to a boy James at my college I have more enemies that want to hurt me than thought. I take a 3 form Commerce class and Abbey, Sam and James are there inclusive of my other so called "Enemies" but I have Zach my friend there also. Zach gets annoyed to easily and doesn't like to be friends with me when he is annoyed. I turn to Jesse and Caleb, my other friends when Zach is like that. Jesse shares my interest in WWII and the 101 Airborne whereas Caleb just tries to "Bandwagon" with Jesse and me. Josh, my other friend from my primary school is also there. He is very rough when we play and I get hurt when he rams us over.

Someone help me with my depression :(

None of the rumors are true from camp, one is my and Abbey had dry-sex in the tent. What is dry-sex?

[maximum]

Hello? Is anyone there?

[PatrickZii]

Hey. First, we are all on different schedules and in different time zones, so it takes a while to get replies.

Second, your story is really hard to follow.

Third...dude...there is no simple way to deal with depression. If there were, no one would ever be depressed. You need to find something that makes you happy and hold on to it for dear life.

[ExEmoBlood]

there is no simple way to deal with depression. If there were, no one would ever be depressed. You need to find something that makes you happy and hold on to it for dear life.

That's about the only thing you can do, sadly. They make medication, but it only helps to an extent. It's really up to the person.

I'm not trying to sound mean, so I'm sorry if it comes off that way.

[Aceso]

There are ways to deal with depression. Its a matter of will-power.
I have been very scuicidal over the last few days, yeah, but after yesterday I remembered what an awsome few weeks I had before, and if I put my mind to it, I can sort things out.
What I do is sit down and ask myself what the main problem is, and if there are any, the smaller problems and if the scource of these is the main problem.
If the main problem is easily solveable, solve it. If it is not, think about ways you could a) Destract yourself from it, It should probably solve itself with time, or b) Find away around it without doing any damage to anyone/anything.
If the smaller problems are not linked, do the same for them. If it helps you you could wright an action-plan or a list of things to do.
Also, I found that seeing a councellor (or I know in some countries its called a shrink?) is also very beneficial.

Last but not least, Onto your friends. I had someone who told be that being depressed around them is bringing them down and please could I stop it or we cant be friends. I know it sounded really harsh at the time, but its probably true. Many depressed people do have an effect on others around them. Now this certanly is NOT our fault, if anything it is sometimes comments like these that make us like that, but I thought about it a lot and I realised that its probably better for both of us if I do pretend to be, or force myself to look/feel happy. When I did this, pretty soon I naturally began to feel relaxed and happy around people, and started to enjoy things more. See how it goes, and good luck :)
Also, feel free to message me any time :hug3:

[Zeh Crazy]

Third...dude...there is no simple way to deal with depression. If there were, no one would ever be depressed. You need to find something that makes you happy and hold on to it for dear life.

And run like hell with it so no one can ever take it away from you!

[ExEmoBlood]

And run like hell with it so no one can ever take it away from you!

Haha. Indeed.

Well, I hope you read all of this. Just remember: Rise through the pain~ Like the sun will rise again.