Why can't fathers actually be fathers?

[TravM]

Anybody else with me?

[Scarface]

I'm not exactly sure exactly what your asking, but my father is no longer part of my life and was never a part of it. I wish he would have been, but I don't like to wallow in my past. You can only look forward.

[TravM]

What I mean is, is that some fathers don't have a paternal bone in their body. I'm glad of the life I've lived. If I have children, I'll definitely be the dad I didn't have.

[Scarface]

I'm glad that's what your going to do. It's the right thing. Children should have both parents that way they learn from each of them. It makes things a lot less complicated. I had to choose between my parents more than once growing up. It cause a lot of tension.

[nick]

My dad is just great. Now my mum however, that's a different story.

[TravM]

I had to choose also. I usually chose my mom and my sister chose my dad. That didn't make things any better.

[Blood]

My dad sucks. He's not meant to be a father or a husband.

[Aspiringanonymous]

Neither of my parents were truly competent parent material - my mother recognized this all her life, but was pressured into giving birth by my father who would take many more years of trouble and regret to come to that same awareness. That's not at all to say they were bad people, they're absolutely wonderful people to associate with as adult mentors and friends, but I was never able to appreciate them as 'parents'.

I do believe that not everyone is meant to become a parent; I know well that I am not. It's only very unfortunate that so many people out there are left unaware - parenting is a very demanding task, especially now that the parental role of the mother is no longer fixed in society - raising children has become just as much of a lifestyle choice as pursuing a specific career or getting married. To everyone; Please, please, think carefully. Don't make the choice if you have noticeable doubts of your ability to live up to its expectations.

[Jess]

yeah. I love my dad but sometimes he needs to be like my mom.

[Atonement]

This is true for most, not for me.

I live with my mom and she is fantastic. I love her sooooo much and she is my biggest support in this world. I could ask for nothing more.

My parents divorced shortly after my first birthday. My mom remarried when I was four. I visited my father until I was about 13. I saw him at least once a month because we moved a good 200 miles away.

My relationship with my dad has never been complete. He check out of my life. I don't see him often anymore, I have no desire to. He kind of quit trying. I was open then, but he would make these attempts to make a relationship then just crush my hopes. So, I stopped. I was fed up with what he was doing to me. It was ridiculous and honestly, I don't feel the need to know him. In my opinion, I've done well enough without him and to try to make a relationship is to open myself up to failure and disappointment, which doesn't sound like fun to me.

Moral of story: I don't see a reason why I need my dad to act paternally.

[Tarragona]

I just count my lucky stars, both my parents are wonderful to me and my brother and sister.

[Sith Lord 13]

Well, my biological father left when I was six months old. Haven't seen him since. I hope he knows what he's doing now since he has another kid.

My Dad (Mom married him when I was like 3, he adopted me) OTOH, has tried his best. Managed to fail pretty spectacularly some times, but he's always tried. And to me, that makes him a good father. Because that's what matters. The effort.

[Zeh Crazy]

Mine denied me until I was 11, then we had a DNA test done. I was 99.99 % his. So many wasted years of suffering. All I wanted was for him to love me. I didn't have a father figure because my grandpa had to work all the time when I was a kid. I would scream and cry everytime he had to leave and when he came home, he was too tired and went to sleep. Even now, my dad lives 20 minutes away. He never calls, writes, or comes to see me.

Mother figures are kinda dead, too.

[Ryhanna]

Skye - No mother or father figures? Thats so sad, I'm sorry. You'll always have us though :)

My bio father tried to bash me as a baby so my mum kicked his sick ass out. He now has another son with another woman who kicked him out for a similar reason.

My step father is okay. But he's rather annoying, I would sometimes like to duct tape him.

So he can't talk, just for clarification incase you got the wrong idea from that!

[Zephyr]

I've been fairly lucky.

Considering my dad is an alcoholic, and had an extremely abusive childhood, he still did a good job at being a father. He's a bit authoritative and lacking in the emotional needs department, but he's my dad, and the only one that I'm ever going to get. He's somebody that loves me wholeheartedly no matter what I do, even if we don't see eye to eye on most everything, so I couldn't ask for more in a dad. I wouldn't trade him for anything :)

I've also been lucky with my step dad. Being a step parent is a very hard role since there are some boundaries that you just don't cross, and he's done a very good job at it. He treats me right, and he's always there with love, support and understanding when I need it. He's a great man, and my step siblings are very lucky to have him as a father.

The only bad experience that I've had was with the man that my mum almost married before my current step dad. His name was Darrell. He was abusive towards me emotionally and physically. He'd hit me when my mum wouldn't look, and always felt the need to tell me how terrible I was, even when I didn't do anything wrong. One time, he kicked me out of the car in Lebanon (my hometown's neighboring town) for no reason, and I had to call a friends mother to come and get me. These sorts of men should never be allowed to be around kids. After all of her denial, I got through to my mum when I simply disappeared one day; My dad helped me pack all of my things while she was out, and I got out of there without telling her a thing, moved in with my dad.

[Antonioc]

The only bad experience that I've had was with the man that my mum almost married before my current step dad. His name was Darrell. He was abusive towards me emotionally and physically.

My mom left my dad and took me, and married a guy named Darrell as well. He's now my stepdad, and a huge asshole :(

[Zero Beat]

I have no father, he left when I was young (about 3) so i never knew him. I don't care much. I have a cock head of a step father to step in his place...

[Jess]

I am lucky to have both my parents. although we don't agree on everything and my dad can do a better job, and my parents get into arguments a lot, I am still lucky that they did not divorce

[Bridgett]

I think my friend has an abusive dad and her mom left. i want to help but i dont know how. Any advice?

[Truth]

My dad was great, until I found him after he commited suicide in our garage..

[BlackBetty]

My dad has always been good to me. He use to drink (but dosen't now, and it wasn't never out of control) and we would wrastle with each other. One time he spilt beer in my hair. xD

My mom, is a good person, and means well. I just don't like the way she comes across, because she can be rude, hateful, or just mean sometimes.

[karl]

That's a bloody good question!

[jaydawg729]

my dad was really never in my life due to drugs and alchohol. he is my inspiration to never do drugs because he was and still is a big ass

[BeautifulDisaster]

My biological father is a classic narcissistic & throughout my life, he's neglected, abused & abandoned me. He's been absent on & off in my life. At age 9, he refused to return me home & brainwashed me & he used me as a weapon against my mother. He did this often. Obviously this has affected me. I have not seen him since 2006 (the year in which I overdosed for the first time because of an incident involving him & his two sisters) & I have told him that he is not my father & to get out of my life.

The things he's done & said to me has stuck with me & always will stick with me. They distress me severely & at times, I do want to harm myself / take my life because of it. But, I won't let him destroy me anymore. I won't let him win.

I honestly have no idea why fathers can't be fathers, it's not really a matter of can't though, is it? It's more a matter of won't.

For me, the question would be "Why can't parents actually be parents?" as my mother is also abusive/neglectful & an alcoholic.

The plus about this is that I can understand & relate to others who have unfit parents & abusive/neglectful parents, & alcoholic parents/absent parents etc.

I can also use it to my advantage & support/help others who are/have been in the same position as me. (This is something I intend to do when I hopefully become a psychologist.)

Counseling & therapy can however help with abuse/neglect/etc from parents/carers & I think it can be very helpful & part of the healing process. You would need to discuss what happened to you though, & that may trigger some locked memories and/or cause a lot of distress.

I do find that dwelling on the past & on what happened doesn't help much for healing if you dwell on it too much. I think that you need to focus on the present & the future.


Now though, I do have a dad. He's not my biological dad, I wish he could be, but he's my surrogate dad. It's been 3 years & 8 days since we first met & we've become extremely close. I've become very dependent on him & unfortunately, that is due to my mental health difficulties, however, he's very understanding of them & he takes care of me a lot & he's very supportive of me. He may not be my blood dad, but I'm still very grateful & appreciative that I have a dad in my life, blood or not. :)

Your biological father doesn't always have to be the one who is your dad. It's not about relations & blood. It's about how you are with them, your bond, your connection, what you do for them, what you would do for them, loving them for who they are, taking care of them, caring about them, etc.
That's what makes a parent.
So, even if you don't have your biological parent in your life or they are not being a parent to you, there is still hope & a chance for you to have a parent in your life. :)

I believe so anyway.

I'm rambling now, sorry!
x

[Legend of Zelda]

My father was a troubled man. He definatley had some mental problems like depression, ocd, rage was alcoholic (i think). He also hoarded everything to a unhygenic level. We can;t blame our parents for everything, they are human beings and not perfect. I hated my dad. He was a little bit abusive slapping me and my brothers and on bad episodes he threatened to kill my mom, waved a godamn knife at her. He was sick, i like to think. Me and my younger brother lived with my mom while my older brother lived with my dad.
My older brother has recenly been diagnosed with some lesser version of autism. thats no excuse for what he did.
Last summer, the exact date is unknown, but within days or on my birthday my older brother brutally murdered my father. Now that hes gone i can see he was crazy but he loved me.

he loved me.

and now my brother is in juvy awaiting a trial. And every night my brother calls the house to talk to my mom and everytime i see his number i am reminded of my dads untimly unfair death.

Remember human beings are flawed. Fathers are far from perfect.

[Ryhanna]

My dad was great, until I found him after he commited suicide in our garage..

Oh my god, I'm so sorry :(

[Continuum]

My dad, imo is great. He may have left me with my mom since I was born (which resulted in my overall isolation from the world), but he left me so I can go to school. He's here with us now, he may have an occasional emotional hiccup due to drinking, he's still the best.


My dad was great, until I found him after he commited suicide in our garage..

I feel so sorry for you. If he was my dad I would join him.

[CaliKid24]

My dads in prison. My moms a loving person but she isn't responsible to take care of me. Her husband is a dick who tries to run my life. I hate him. I always get into arguments with my mom about him and she tells the rest of my family how rude and dissrespectable I am. My whole family pretty much thinks I'm going to be a fuck up like my dad is. I'm pretty much taking care of myself. So yea I have an idea on how it is to have a bad father.

[smile]

My dad left my mum when i was about one, i havent seen him in a year and haven't spoken to him in about a month. My mum never married my father and is still unmarried but has had a new boyfriend for about 10 years, like mist 'step'dads he is a complete asshole and i hate him with passion :P! I'm not sure why i am saying this but everyone else has said what their father is like so i thought i would. Apart from not seeing my father he is a great father to my half-brother and probably to my soon to be half-brother/sister. I agree with the title tthough some men should never me fathers. Ever.
Im also very sorry to hear about everyone elses 'story's' :/ im grateful for what i have.
Im sorry to hear

[TravM]

I feel as if my life before May was lived in a previous life. It's good to forget painful memories.

[PowerHungry]

my father is gone for like weeks at a time, but he really does the best he can so i cant say he ISNT a real father

[MyNameIsJack]

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