1 year of hell

[pixie1234]

Right, so it's been a year as of 15 mins ago and I promised my mates and my bf I would stop.... I'm not strong enough to though... Me and my bf split up yesterday and all I want is the comfort of my razor..... I have now doubled my ammount of scars/cuts to 200 and I now feel really weak.... Don't know why I'm posting this..... Just letting it out I suppose :/ xx

[HeroesAndCons]

aww things will get better for you
i promise

[Scarface]

I know how hard it is to stop. Maybe you could find an after school activity or find something with friends to do that could distract you. Talking about this is not easy, but maybe if you tried talking to a therapist could help you cope with everything that is transpiring in your life. I hope one day that you do stop because it's only creating more problems for you. It never helps just try to keep a positive mind frame and keep your head up. I hope everything works out for you. If you need someone to talk to I'm always here.

[fohawk]

you know why your weak?, do you even see this as a problem

[pixie1234]

Fohawk - yes I do see this as a problem but atm I need this to help me.
Goose - I'm going to start going running with my mates and cycling with my sister
IchigoXx - sometimes it seems the opposite :/
xx

[Haven]

Heyhey. :)

Promises are really, really easy to make to people. The only issue with them is our ability to keep them and do our best to actually commit to making a better us, and sometimes when we make these problems we don't always realize how hard it's going to be to stop self harming ourselves. Words are a lot easier said then done, and with that sometimes we allow our actions to take the best of us when life gets rough. No one is ever going to blame you for resorting back to something full of familiarity and comfortability, and no one is ever going to get upset at you for just trying to make yourself feel better. I can tell that your intentions are good, and that you truly care about perhaps stopping a nasty habit. And this is all well for you. (:

The one thing that stuck out in my mind was you saying "I'm not strong enough", when in reality you're a lot stronger than you may think. Sometimes it's an idea of mind over matter. By this, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you continue telling yourself that you're not strong enough, than you're truly never going to be strong enough. However, if you keep your head held high, think as positive as you can (despite what may be going on in your life), then you might.. just maybe, be able to continue down a path of recovery. Once you start doubting yourself, it'll become a lot harder to actually stop. I hope this makes some decent amount of sense, but we only allow ourselves a certain amount of ability. Once you think "I'm not good enough, I can't do this or that." then you'll end up putting yourself into this mindset of not being good enough for anything. It's a spiral of untrue, hurtful lies, and we both know that we can do anything as long as we put our best effort and have a healthy mindset towards it.

Break ups are always hard, and I don't want to say too much since I don't necessarily know what happened between the two of you - just know that things have a way of working themselves out. Life is a lot like the lottery, just with the odds a lot slimmer. If things are meant to be, they'll last. If not, perhaps someone else might be behind the next door waiting. Who truly ever knows, but when things like this happen, you have to know that you also have people such as your friends to resort to for comfort. Other people in your life who care for you on so many different levels. There's always going to be people in our lives who are there for us, and through it all we have the ability to adapt and manipulate situations in order to help ourselves in the best ways possible. Life isn't going to be easy, and the odds might not come out in our favor all of the time. But happiness is never more than a street away, and it will return to your life again in the future. I can promise this. <3

You're not weak by any means, you're just upset, confused, and hurt by everything that has happened. You've turned to something you know that has helped you out in the past, and while it might not be a constructive source of help in the long run, it's helped you temporarily. In the future, try to resort to something bigger and that allows you to have a healthier way of solving problems. Whether this be blaring music, writing in a diary, sketching, typing a rant, whatever. Anything that makes you feel better that doesn't inflict pain upon yourself. Might I ask you a question; why exactly do you feel weak? You have all the power in the world in order to control your life and help yourself in the long run. <3 This may not have helped a ton, but I'm hoping it does slighty.

-Wayne

[pixie1234]

- The Mixed Tape - thankyou for taking time to post on my problem, i spoke to him yesterday and he said that he needed tome to clear his head and then in the near future we would get back together but thats obvs gone and now he said he never wants to get back with me.... its cos of the SH and thoughts of suicide however i have not cut since thursday which is good, for me. i hope it is mind over matter cos if it is im defo thinking to myself that everythings ok and that this never happened..... maybe ill forget? who knows xx

[Atonement]

It saddens me to hear it, but it happens all the time. I'm not saying that to make you feel like nothing, because its bad, don't get me wrong there. But know that you are not alone. There are maaaaany people whether it be here or elsewhere who want to help you because they've been through what you're going through and just want to be there. Personally, I'm going on a year self-harm free in about 4 days. I'm excited to be able to say that I've been self harm free for a year. But it still seems like only yesterday I was doing it daily and couldn't believe I could do this. But I did! I did it so far! It is a day to day battle that only you can fight. You can have some help, but you're still the one fighting it.

I found out a long time ago that a lot of bad things happen everyday.
In one day, two of my relatives died, a friend got in a car accident resulting in a comma, another filed a law suit against their abusive husband.

Know what else I found out? Good things happen all the time too. Marriages, new children, old friends get back in touch, people do the little nothings that make someone's day! And it is goooooood!

I tell you all of this because I'm in the same boat with you. I've been going for a while, and it might be a shaky ride sometimes, but I will never get out of this boat. I will struggle with this most my life, and some day, just one day, I hope I can say I am past this problem. Because I know that no matter what shit happens in my life today -- tomorrow, something marvelous might happen that will make me know that yesterday was just a fluke. Yesterday was hard, but yesterday is over. Today is new, today is good, and today will keep my safe.

When we are depressed and in the bad times, our vision is clouded by the bad. When we are in the good, we look past the bad. We need to have a clear vision to notice the bad but not stare at it. I hope this metaphor right here makes sense. Just live in the good, know that bad is there, but be certain that the good can surpass anything bad that might be on the side.

If you ever need help, let me know, I love to help. :)

[pixie1234]

RomanCandle, thankyou for taking time to write this, first of all congrats on passing your year free mark!!! hopefully that will be me one day. my mind over matter theory is proving correct as im still going ok.... i was in london yesterday and took all my blades in a little box so i chucked them all in one of the bins so as im not tempted. since i have been trying to will myself happy with my thoughts its proven sucsessful and i think i may be able to get my life back from here. thanks again.

ashleigh xx