Dont care

[budd55]

First i know other may have more serious problems and i cant pm my friend for advice since i dont have 100 posts yet, but i need to tell someone this, so i decided to make a post which might be dumb, but anyway today in spanish i just lost all interest of life, everyday just about, i loss interest in everything and wish i could just die, but not kill myself but for someone to kill me, as if someone shot me in school. it might sound strange, but i hopefully would never kill myself, but i would like at times for someone else to kill me, preferable in school so everyone knows im dead and how i died. im taking honors spanish II, which i hate because i suck at spanish but my mother who i love to death, wanted me to take it and i cant switch out now, but i have a C, in that class which is extremely bad from what i usually get, but honestly i dont care, i dont care about that. i dont care about my grades, except for accounting and math, but im lossing interest in things i once loved, im still a happy person, you will see me talking really loudly in the hallways, and i am just full of life(i kinda sound full of myself now, so im sorry). but i have some anger issues toward people, and im not gay but when people say "wow, this kid is a fag", and i do use the word "fag" alot, i know im not perfect, but sometimes even the slightest thing either ticks me off but i keep it to myself or i get really into a depressed-like state and just stop talking. or "what a creepier"( as i do stare at people in my math class alot), but i do it to entertain the class. im a fun-loving person but lately im just lossing interest in things in life, not all the time, but more and more recently. i know this was long and i apologize, but i needed to tell someone and im sorry.(i dont know why i say sorry alot either, but i dont like when people get mad/disappointed in/at me so i containly apologize over the dumbest things)

[Iron Man]

Don`t apologize for it being long. I understand the Spanish thing because I feel the same way. I fall asleep partially almost every day in there ;-). I am not quite sure how Spanish and anger towards people are connected. Spanish can be boring, but I don`t know how people lose hope because of it.

[peaceloverugby]

Well that is quite a lot, sorry you're having to deal with all this.

You talked about apathy quite a bit, so we will start there. Everyone experiences it at some point or another, it's just part of life. You need to find something you care about passionately and focus on that. Don't obcess, but occupy yourself. You sound rather close to your mother, so you might try talking to her about how you feel, if you think that would help.

If you start feeling suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately. I'd go to a therapist if I had what you described, but that's just me. If you think therapy would work, talk to a couselor. It's done wonders for me.

If you ever need to talk, I'm willing to listen. Hope this helps

[budd55]

i'm not lossing hope because of spanish, its just people in general, kids are assholes these days, people in school, in society, in life, im thinking about the future, what will happen, how this country may be going to hell, just a whole bunch of stuff, but kids make it worse when they open their mouths and say the most BS stuff, 10 years ago for me, people weren't like this, they were nice and friendly, now some people are nice, but what they say make them look stupid as hell, the words kids say make them look dumb, i dont know, im sorry i need help.

[Atonement]

Hi. I kind of feel a similar thing, only my feelings came differently.

I am a perfectionist. I want to do my best, always. If I got a C, I would be upset. I am a straight A student. To not get an A is to fail for me. To me, this sounds how upset you are. I get that. I hope you don't feel so bad that you get to the point of suicide or any real action. If you ever do, let me know ASAP so we can talk. Also, when you do get to 100 posts, PM me and I can help you out with Spanish and mini tutor you.

[budd55]

Connor it did help a little bit, but i wouldn't go and talk to my mother about it, she is a nurse and has been for many years so if things get worse (grades) she will notice, therapists, then if people find out, they will think im wierder, and i can tell a therapist what they want to hear, so i dont really want to do that. i volunteer at the firehouse near me, but only get to go once a week, so that is keeping me going alot during the school week. but im not sure about what to do, i'll think about this and answer more 2morrow

[budd55]

addison, thank you very much, once i get to 100 posts, i'll pm most of you.