Painted_Indian_Horse
May 10th, 2010, 05:57 PM
uh... this is my first post, so here's a little background. i have been cutting on and off since 8th grade. i started on my wrists, then moved to my upper arm/shoulder, my forearm, my stomach, my thighs, my calves and the back of my hand. i live in a place where it's hot out most of the year, so i had to move them around to keep them from getting noticed. i will cut for about a week, then stop for a month or two before i do it again. i just use a regular shaving razor cause i don't have access to anything else, really. i also have thoughts about suicide a lot as well. i just don't give a shit about anything anymore. i know i should care that i am failing three classes with two weeks to go cause i know it's important to the people around me. but i don't care. at all. i just want to lay in bed, and every time i think about all the things i have to do i just want to kill myself. :( i don't know what to do anymore. i do see a psychiatrist and i take Prozac for dysthymic disorder. but nothing works.... ever.. i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i don't want to live. i'm afraid of growing up. i'm afraid of what's going to happen, but i also couldn't care less. it's strange. i just want to permanently lose myself in my daydreams and the stories i write, but i know i can't do that. everything is so complicated. my mother has been in the process of divorcing my step dad for over a year, but he's a dick and won't settle for anything. he's still in the house. my home life is shattered, not that i ever even remotely like my immediate family, anyway. it doesn't help that they're always fighting. i just want to punch my step dad in the face and tell him to shut the hell up and leave my mom alone. but he's hit me before. that's the only thing that's keeping me from doing that. if there's anything anyone can say to me to make anything seem important or worth living for, besides cutting and weed, say so now....