Eff it

[simpleasthat]

I feel close to giving up, i'm fed up of people in and out of school using me. I'm so worthless and i just hate myself so much, ive just hurt people. and yeh 90% of the time im upset because a girl or something stupid like that. im far too emotional for my own good. i cut last night because i hated myself, and now i hate myself more for doing it. i just want to end it so that people can live there life without me fucking it up. no one would care anyway, no one would notice, people would carry on their happy little lives. wats the fucking point in being nice to people if they are just hurtful back. the only thing that stopped me last night is my fear of death, which is huge, it brings me to panic attacks thinking about death, im hardly gunna go for it head first. i just want someone to prove to me im not worthless, i just want for once someone to say good things about me, then dont behind my back say they arent true. i hate being lied to, it hurts more than the truth. im fed up of being pushed around because im loving and trusting, im told they are good qualities but they just mean that im the one that ends up in tears, im the one that ends up cutting, whilst the other person is happier without me. be hurt that im gone for fucks sake, somebody. i cant stand this, i just wanna run away, start fresh, the only thing keeping me going is familys & very close friends, but i see both rarely, and they know nothing of wat im going through because they cant be bothered to ask. im privileged, go to a private english boardning school, although i dont board, yet i still hate my life, makes me more annoyed at myself, makes me want to cut more, i cut as a punishment. ugh, im just ranting/rambling, i really dont care if no one reads this or replies to it, in fact i find advice annoying because no one really is in my situation so doesnt understand really, which is stubborn and selfish i guess, but tht's me.

[nick]

Dont you ever think nobody cares about you. I may be some miles away and unable to hug you and comfort you in the way I would really like but that doesnt change the fact that I love you Sam. Do you really think I wouldnt care if you killed yourself, do you really imagine I could just carry on as if nothing had happened? Dont you dare give up.

[TigerLily]

You really think your friends and family wouldn't care, that they wouldn't think about you constantly, always think of things they could have done differently, wrecked with guilt?
Just take care Sam, it will all be okay, I promise. All these emotions, problems.. they're all temporary. But that, that is permanent. Just think about it.
You'll be out of school in like, a couple of years right? Then you can do whatever you want really, make your life more the way you wish it to be. Things could be soo much different by then Sam, like you have no idea.
You have hope, and a future, always<3
I know we haven't spoken, but if you ever want to talk, I'm here.
:hug3:

[simpleasthat]

Thanks, leaving school is what keeps me going

[steve1234]

Life may be bad for you know, but you never know how it would change in the future. You may get to a point in the future and wonder why you ever considered suicide.

I often feel suicidal. And to be honest, I think the only things stopping me is that im scared of what happens when you die, and also it would badly upset by parents and close friends.
I know this is nothing compared to suicide, but I decided to deactivate my Facebook account, mainly for attention seeking. Guess what, no one even noticed. Well, one person did after about a week. I was upset about this for a few weeks, but I just think that I may find friends who actually care for me in the future, so thats whats stopping me giving up.

Anyway, I hope my advice was at least a little helpful. Hope your life improves for the future. :)

Steve

[Duskofdawn]

you aren't worthless, because everyone has worth. Take a $100 dollar bill, crumple it, use it, stomp it, get dirt on it, how much is it worth? It's still worth $100. It's still worth just as much as the bill straight out of the mint. I know you don't feel as if you have worth, but you do. There's someone out there who will love you for the rest of your life, who will love you for who you are, you just have to find them.

[simpleasthat]

Thanks for replies, as some of you may know, I never would commit suicide, life is priceless, why end it?
As for cutting and depression, im going to the doctors, i cant take it.

[Harley Quinn]

Well I don't want you to die, never do I want that, and you know that. I've been in your position and I know how hard it is. And when you just want to turn your back on everyone and when you want to just curl into a hole and bury yourself. I know what that's like, and i when you feel alone, an you have no-one to reach out to remember I'm always going to be here Sam, I know how damn hard it is and how much it hurts, I was there, and I still am.

We're fighting, we all are, and Im never going to let you feel alone, because I know how much this hurts and how much your mind takes over what you feel and everything you used to know changes into something that isn't you. And I won't let you feel alone not now, and not ever, because Sam, you mean a lot to me. And I know I don't show that often, but I do mean that. When it feels like nothing is ever going to brighten up and change into something good, you just have to realise you're not alone, not ever. The longer you think there's no light, the longer this will hurt you, and the longer you'll shut yourself off, and the longer you'll feel like this. When you need someone to lean on, you can lean on me, I'll always be that shoulder if you ever need it.

Many people have cried on my shoulder, and I'd be honoured to have you cry on mine if you need to. And when you feel like a burden, you just gotta remmeber, just because one person turned you away, doesn't mean that everyone will. I know I won't, and when you think you're surrounded in the darkness, remember, that from darkness, light will form. May take time yes, but it will form and you'll feel less emotionally, physically an mentally drained of all feelings. When you feel like dying and just walking in front of a car or jumping from a bridge, remember that there will always be someone at the bottom to catch you, and to stop you, whether you se eit now or not doesn't matter, in time you will and when you do, you'll find that life throws us shit like this to challenge us.

Everytime we beat one, we face a new one, and when we beat that we're stronger people, you may not realise now but depression make us who we are, gives us character and makes us who we are. We are all great and we all who we are meant to be, depression is an something that shouldn't stop us, shouldn't make us weak, shouldn't make us hate ourselfs, but instead should make us strong, make us fighters and make us see that all the shit we're goung through will soon change into something that will motivate you and push you towards great things. And when we reach those great things, we realise that, those that were there for us, those where the people that truely cared and truely wanted to help.

Those that pushed us away when we needed them the most, those people aren't the people you thought they'd be. Who are we not to stand up and say " you know what? Fuck you depression you're not running my life, not anymore, you've hurt me enough and I'm done being in your trap" we can do this. I know you can, and I know that when that light of your own is flickering between dark and light, it'll settle, and it'll settle into the light because this feeling won't last forever.

[simpleasthat]

Thank you, so much...

[ExEmoBlood]

I i just want for once someone to say good things about me

Really? Is that it? Attention?
Jesus christ.
*slaps the fuck out of you*
That's for making me read all that.

Now, I'm not usualy insensitive, but all this is insane. You want people to think well of you? Well, stop being so down.

I was like you. Word-for-word. That's exactly how I felt! AND I GARUNTEE YOU THAT IF YOU KEEP IT UP, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT ANYWHERE!

I can empathize with you. Ok? Understand that much, at least. Now, calm yourself. I have a quote that I learned a lot from. I have to find it. I want you to read it.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So, LOVE the people that treat you RIGHT, and FORGET about the ones who DON'T. And believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance-- take it! If it changes your life-- let it!
There comes a time in your life when you have to LET GO of all POINTLESS DRAMA, and the PEOPLE who CREATE it-- and surround yourself with people who make you LAUGH so hard that you forget the BAD, and focus SOLELY on the GOOD.
After all, life is too short to be anything but HAPPY.
Nobody said that it'd be EASY. They just PROMISED it would be WORTH IT.
__________________________________________

I don't care if you hate me for the harsh words from before, but you needed it.

So, your call. Friend? Or foe?

[Harley Quinn]

If you felt exactly like him, shouting at him and making him feel even more shit does not help, if you didn't like what he was posting, you're not obliged to read it or even comment. The guy needs stable help, not "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT YOU IDIOT" that doesn't help; sure you may have the best intentions, but it's rude. Sure you're entitled to your opinions, but don't make it that rude. So what he looking for attention the least he deserves is actually help not the "oh, I'll make him see sense" because nine times out of ten, that makes the person worse.

[simpleasthat]

You do realise that most people that are suicidal or self harm do just want attention. When the people close to you and everyone else in the world ignore you, you just want someone to care, that's all, why do you think people cry out for help on VT, they just want someone to say don't worry it'll be alright. I understand, wallowing in self-pity will not get me anywhere, but I've been in this situation time and time again, and I've never made it out alone. What I wrote was only a small portion of problems in my life, there are many more but to be honest what I wrote was more of a rant because I didn't want to cut that night you know? So if you're going to be pathetic and as bad as the other people in my life who just shout 'why be sad?! be happy!' at you and call you emo for being depressed and self harm, Fuck. Off.

[ExEmoBlood]

Sorry to say, but I'm not like most people. Nor am I like all the other people in your life.

But if you won't even take what I said into consideration-- well, then, I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you the best.

*"fucks off"*

[DarkWingedAngel]

Dont give up, you seem like a cool dude, and im sure people care, on and offline, keep going you will find things get better.

[simpleasthat]

Sorry to say, but I'm not like most people. Nor am I like all the other people in your life.

But if you won't even take what I said into consideration-- well, then, I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you the best.

*"fucks off"*

Lol you make it seem like I need you in my life
I took into consideration, and rejected the idea of simply 'being' happy, for if you had actually been in a real depressed situation, not down for a few weeks, you would understand a bit more. Don't talk about stuff you don't know about.

[ExEmoBlood]

Content deleted. Please don't hijack the thread, if you wish to make a thread of your own then do so. - Kaius

-----------------------------------------------------------
Look, all I want is for you to avoid becoming-- descending into a self-loathing state which is extremely hard to recover from. I want you- and all the other people that have problems- to rise above. I want to help. I realize that I may not have handled it the right way. And I apologize.

"MY HAND"
When someone calls out
I want my hand to be there
Anytime
Anywhere

When you're in pain
Down in the dirt
Struggling to get up
And obviously hurt

As you look at the ground
With tear-blurred eyes
You'll hear my voice
And look up with surprise

You'll see a concerned face
Extending a gentle hand
Offering a shoulder to lean on
And I pick you up out of the sand.
[Joshua Sapp(me): 1/27/10]

[Kaius]

Oh, witnessing your cousin's death; your father abandoning you at the age of 13-- your mother becoming a violent bitch; 3 of your best friends commiting suicide; being cheated on 8 times in a row; then, finaly finding a girl that means a lot to you-- only to find out that she had cancer of the heart and died 2 months later. That? You don't think that would depress someone? Now, who is the ignorant one.

And no, you don't NEED me in your life. But I've been through rough times. And I edured throughout my endeavors. Tried to kill myself twice before I realized the pain I'd cause on the people that STILL CARE. I realized that things could always be worse-- that things would only improve if I focused on here and now-- worked toward a better future. And how far have I gotten? I have a new girlfriend that I love with all my heart, and that loves me back. I'm over my asshole father that could never hold a job and support us. I'm doing better as far as being motivated. I've used my experiences to fuel my inspiration toward my art and poetry.

Sam has made this thread asking for help, not criticism for it. Not many actually get the courage to do that. Just because you have been through some bad times doesn't mean others haven't. Everyone deserves the help they need and they deal with things differently than others. If you have nothing helpful to say then please don't post it. If you're going to help, then do so, keep the thread on topic.