Art_dude
May 8th, 2010, 05:34 PM
I don't know where to start other than that I feel absolutely numb and devoid of all happiness. I'm having a rough day after a rough week, during a rough time in my life, and my one friend can't even get herself to care.
Anyone who knows me on VT, knows I'm home-schooled and thus, I don't have a social life. I have ONE friend (Audrey) I see about once every week, sometimes once every two weeks. She lives about 30 minutes away (not bad) but she has an extensive social circle and doesn't have a lot of flexibility. We're close, she shares pretty much everything with me, and we balance out our different personalities in a great way. I'm extremely reflective, and tend to be a deep thinker, calm, balanced etc. She's funny, loud, outgoing, (pretty much everything I'm not.) Anyway, like I was saying, after having a long rainy depressing day, after a rough week during a shitty time in my life, I text her an hour ago asking what she's doing tonight. She responds, "I'm home cuz my mom is going to the beach house... gotta watch the dog haha. u?" I know her sister isn't home neither is her dad (and again, after having a terrible day and just wanting to see my friend) I respond, "great. Want some company? I can bring us pizza ;)"
"omg alex i would love 2..... but atoch is comin over ): we're trying to 'fix' shit"
Atoch is some friend she's been going on and off with for the past couple weeks. He asked her out to prom and being in the highschool drama bullshit that she is, they're already having 'issues.'
"So, that doesn't mean he's gonna be there all night? Come on Audrey, he's not worth fixing it with anyway" And then she responds,
"No! not all night but alex semi is in 6 days. I'd like to get stuff straight. I know it seems dumb>
Dumb doesn't suffice. Selfish is a better word. A TEENSY bit selfish that you can't hold off your intellectually wasted conversation with your pseudo pussy boyfriend until school (you know, the place you see him every fucking day) while your best friend attempts to see you on the one day he can. You know - your friend - remember me? That kid that is alone every day, which you don't seem to pity? She's pretty much describes her idea of friendship. I'm really sick of it. And the worst part is, that she's the ONLY person I can talk to, so now I'm basically getting this lovely anxiety attack that feels reallllly solipsistic "my mind is the only one that exists, no one can understand me" thing. So I just decided to be an ass and wrote, "have a fun night." Mean perhaps, but partially deserved. I feel so incredibly lonely. No one can listen......
Anyway, it's amazingly therapeutic just to vent here on VT where I know that at least I have some sort of 'rock'. A community of thoughtful, like minded teens who suffer through the same things and compassionately commiserate. I thank all of my friends on here - you're all amazing. ((HUGS))
Anyone who knows me on VT, knows I'm home-schooled and thus, I don't have a social life. I have ONE friend (Audrey) I see about once every week, sometimes once every two weeks. She lives about 30 minutes away (not bad) but she has an extensive social circle and doesn't have a lot of flexibility. We're close, she shares pretty much everything with me, and we balance out our different personalities in a great way. I'm extremely reflective, and tend to be a deep thinker, calm, balanced etc. She's funny, loud, outgoing, (pretty much everything I'm not.) Anyway, like I was saying, after having a long rainy depressing day, after a rough week during a shitty time in my life, I text her an hour ago asking what she's doing tonight. She responds, "I'm home cuz my mom is going to the beach house... gotta watch the dog haha. u?" I know her sister isn't home neither is her dad (and again, after having a terrible day and just wanting to see my friend) I respond, "great. Want some company? I can bring us pizza ;)"
"omg alex i would love 2..... but atoch is comin over ): we're trying to 'fix' shit"
Atoch is some friend she's been going on and off with for the past couple weeks. He asked her out to prom and being in the highschool drama bullshit that she is, they're already having 'issues.'
"So, that doesn't mean he's gonna be there all night? Come on Audrey, he's not worth fixing it with anyway" And then she responds,
"No! not all night but alex semi is in 6 days. I'd like to get stuff straight. I know it seems dumb>
Dumb doesn't suffice. Selfish is a better word. A TEENSY bit selfish that you can't hold off your intellectually wasted conversation with your pseudo pussy boyfriend until school (you know, the place you see him every fucking day) while your best friend attempts to see you on the one day he can. You know - your friend - remember me? That kid that is alone every day, which you don't seem to pity? She's pretty much describes her idea of friendship. I'm really sick of it. And the worst part is, that she's the ONLY person I can talk to, so now I'm basically getting this lovely anxiety attack that feels reallllly solipsistic "my mind is the only one that exists, no one can understand me" thing. So I just decided to be an ass and wrote, "have a fun night." Mean perhaps, but partially deserved. I feel so incredibly lonely. No one can listen......
Anyway, it's amazingly therapeutic just to vent here on VT where I know that at least I have some sort of 'rock'. A community of thoughtful, like minded teens who suffer through the same things and compassionately commiserate. I thank all of my friends on here - you're all amazing. ((HUGS))