i thought i was strong, to find one thing would make me weaker than ever

[1_21Guns]

him.
one laugh, i heard his laugh and just broke down in the middle of the street.
it was on the way home, i was alone, and had spend most of the 5 minute journey prior to walking past where he was praying he wasn't there, that life wouldn't be so cruel. but it was.
i really thought he wasnt there. but all it took was me hearing him laugh, and suddenly everything became real again. flashbacks shot through my head and i just began crying and walking faster.
screaming at myself for it all to just go away, get out of my head.
sure. i was on the other side of the road. but he was drunk, and could've shouted me. i couldnt face that.
i couldnt face him.
these past few months i thought i had alot more strength. i didnt realise one thing would cause it all to crumble away.
i hate myself for what i did, on the way past after that happened i just wanted to carve 'twat' into my leg to go with the rest. but i can't do that. i can't get away with it anymore.
i wish my friend had never told me it was him when we first walked past.
she told me not to look, and that it was my dad.
i started to panic there and then, saying what?
i thought he was looking at me, going to shout, anything.
i was scared. he often got more abusive when he was drunk.
maybe i should've walked the backstreet.
but i didnt. i walked the main road, thinking he wont possibly be there.
i dont even want to live anymore.
i really dont. i keep trying to leave myself in dangerous situations. hoping it will go wrong. but nobody will let me stay in them, they won't leave me there. alone.
i just want to be invisable.
i just want to disappear.
i just want to die.
i just want to be anywhere but here :/

[Sith Lord 13]

Natalie,

I know what it's like to be where you're at. It was for different reasons, sure, but that same dispair, that same hopelessness, I know that pretty damn well. That thought of death as escape, oh I know it too. But I've started to realize something as of late. Life gets better. Sure it's slow, but it get's better. But you have to stick around to see it out. I've come to realize the pain we experience at times is always met by happiness later on. You may not see it today. You may not see it tomorrow. But you will see it get better one day. Just have to stick around to see it.

[ExEmoBlood]

All right. You're only 15 if I go by your profile. Let me tell you, you won't always be in the boat you're in. Time doesn't stand still. Time flows like water. Sometimes it rushes past us like a raging river. Other times it trickles along like a meager stream.

You have 2 major choices in life. Be a victim, or take charge. You're being the victim here. You're honestly going to let things kick your ass? You're going to give in? Hun, you're 15. 15!! Three years from now and you can be away from it all. But you have to play your cards right. Perservere. When you look back in the future... you'll be glad you never gave up.

Another thing. To give up is to fail. To fail is to give up. But as long as you keep going, trying, enduring... you shall never fail.