Rant

[delta]

I last cut nearly two weeks ago, and the urges didn't come back until yesterday. Today, they are worse than ever. One thought leads to another, and here I am, feeling below the bottom.

I don't like lying. Yet I do, every time anyone asks me how I do. "I'm fine." "I'm ok." I smile, when I'm crying inside. And no one notices. Why can't you see the hell in my head? Why can't you see I need help? Why don't you help me? I want to scream at their obliviousness. But I don't. I pretend I'm fine. I don't want to worry anyone. I don't want to be a burden to anyone else.

I'm tired of struggling to survive. I'm tired of even trying. There is one solution, but if I do that, there will be no way back. I will have no more problems, but I will also be no more. I don't think I'm going to do that, even though I want to. But it's tempting.

What's the purpose anyway? I'm just one in six billion humans. I live, I die, I am forgotten. My death would only affect a few people, and then they will die as well. And then no one would care if I ever existed. And when the last human dies, what I did, said and thought will matter no more. So what's the purpose? Why endure this pain, when in the end it won't matter anyway? Honestly, what reasons do I have to live?

[carrot_cake]

This is so true. I think about the true value of life pretty much every day. We think alike.
I mean, if I didnt hand in my paper or dropped out of high school or whatever else i could do would be completely insignificant to the rest of the world. Everyone is eventualy forgotten, except for famous people like hitler. yay.

[Aspiringanonymous]

I too struggle with this on a daily basis. I will tell you what I have been telling myself.

The cosmic insignificance of all life is no reason to stop living and wait for death - what would happen if every living thing in the world right now decided that their existence was meaningless and thus to self-destruct would be better? Life was meant for living, for experiencing, and learning. Many people find comfort in the idea of some 'ultimate purpose', often through religious beliefs, but it is in fact not necessary for a fulfilling existence. Life is Now. All significance of life is in the Now.

I do not live for happiness and comfort, but rather the experience of life in its entirety, be it for better or for worse. Unfortunate and uncomfortable times are often just as, if not more insightful, than 'good' times. I live to learn about the human condition, about myself, and my relationship with the external world. So long as I am continuing to learn, to see, and not dwelling idly in dull stability and comfort, then this life has not been in vain.

I know how difficult it gets sometimes, but if anything, just remember that you are not alone. This is a part of the journey of life - and you have six billion companions walking the same long road. Everyone will encounter fatigue and existential uncertainty at some point - survive through the darkest hours, and you will find that it is a great opportunity for thought and growth.

All the best to you. :hug3:

[delta]

what would happen if every living thing in the world right now decided that their existence was meaningless and thus to self-destruct would be better?Nothing that would matter in the majority of the known universe. And I find it odd that this has not already happened.

Life was meant for living, for experiencing, and learning. Many people find comfort in the idea of some 'ultimate purpose', often through religious beliefs, but it is in fact not necessary for a fulfilling existence. Life is Now. All significance of life is in the Now.If I could just have faith in some religion, this would've been so much easier...

I do not live for happiness and comfort, but rather the experience of life in its entirety, be it for better or for worse. Unfortunate and uncomfortable times are often just as, if not more insightful, than 'good' times. I live to learn about the human condition, about myself, and my relationship with the external world. So long as I am continuing to learn, to see, and not dwelling idly in dull stability and comfort, then this life has not been in vain.Then you die, and all your experience will be worth nil.

I know how difficult it gets sometimes, but if anything, just remember that you are not alone. This is a part of the journey of life - and you have six billion companions walking the same long road.What's the difference between six billion and five billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine?

Everyone will encounter fatigue and existential uncertainty at some point - survive through the darkest hours, and you will find that it is a great opportunity for thought and growth.Then I die, and all my growth will be worth nil.

All the best to you. :hug3:Thanks! I needed that one!

[Aspiringanonymous]

Nothing that would matter in the majority of the known universe. And I find it odd that this has not already happened.
Most things in the universe are what one would call 'odd', upon examination. But it is the reality - and the dynamics behind it is worth contemplating. There is so much to learn from nature and its workings. To me, this fact seems to state that life was designed by nature for living. Only humans, who like to question nature and find often non-existent explanations for almost everything, seem to have a significant problem with this - because they are engaging in a thought process that is not necessary. Your own interpretation may be different, of course.

If I could just have faith in some religion, this would've been so much easier...
Why not give it a try, then? Try out different religious groups, not necessarily just limited to the 'popular' ones. You might just find something along the way that is compatible, maybe a belief system that you've never really heard of before.

Then you die, and all your experience will be worth nil.
Yes, because it will no longer be necessary. During the process of living, it is necessary to sustain some form of growth and progressive change. Knowledge and understanding is the only thing that cannot be taken away; happiness can, material possessions can.

It takes just as much, if not more energy to end one's life in a given moment, as it does to continue living. I might have said this before, but death can wait - one human lifetime is so short in the span of all eternity which one will have to be 'dead' afterward. There's no rush to get there at all. Sure, life is pointless... but death is equally so, isn't it?

What's the difference between six billion and five billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine?
I never said there was a difference. I believe in accepting all reality, including this reality, and existing in harmony with it. The fact that life itself is meaningless does not hinder the individual's ability to perceive some form of meaning in life.

Then I die, and all my growth will be worth nil.
I've addressed this already. Concern oneself only with life while alive; death is another dimension altogether, one that the living spirit can never be fully certain about. You will have plenty of opportunity to know death when it comes. For all we know, there could be an afterlife or whatever - nothing is for sure.

Thanks! I needed that one!
Have another one. :hug3:

[delta]

Most things in the universe are what one would call 'odd', upon examination. But it is the reality - and the dynamics behind it is worth contemplating. There is so much to learn from nature and its workings.But what is the purpose of learning? When, as you said, after I die,[...] it will no longer be necessary.To me, this fact seems to state that life was designed by nature for living.I don't really see the connection here...Only humans, who like to question nature and find often non-existent explanations for almost everything [religion?], seem to have a significant problem with this - because they are engaging in a thought process that is not necessary.What I'm saying is that I don't think even life itself is necessaryYour own interpretation may be different, of course.Seems like it is

Why not give [religion] a try, then?I don't even like the idea of religion! Lots of people have died becayse of religion, religion makes people do stupid things...

During the process of living, it is necessary to sustain some form of growth and progressive change.Again, why is the process of living necessary? Knowledge and understanding is the only thing that cannot be taken away; happiness can, material possessions can.Knowledge is stored in my brain. When I die, my brain stops working and the knowledge is lost.

It takes just as much, if not more energy to end one's life in a given moment, as it does to continue living.Finally a point I can agree with, and one of the main reasons why I am still alive. I might have said this before, but death can wait - one human lifetime is so short in the span of all eternity which one will have to be 'dead' afterward.I don't think I will have a concept of existence or time when I'm dead.There's no rush to get there at all.Yeah, cause I will die sometime anyway. What a nice and cheerful thought. We live only to die.Sure, life is pointless... but death is equally so, isn't it?Another point of agreement here.

The fact that life itself is meaningless does not hinder the individual's ability to perceive some form of meaning in life.It does hinder me.

ou will have plenty of opportunity to know death when it comes.I don't think i will "know" anything when I'm dead. For all we know, there could be an afterlife or whatever - nothing is for sure.There could. But I don't think there is.

Have another one. :hug3:Thanks! :hug3:

[PatrickZii]

I don't feel qualified to leave advice, but I can say people notice and care, even when it seems that they don't. <3

[Aspiringanonymous]

Okay, I have a question for you then. Why is a purpose necessary? Why must one have a sense of significance or ultimate meaning in order to live out their life naturally? I personally have not experienced the need for one, so perhaps you can enlighten me on your perspective.

As for mine, I've said all I needed to - and if none of it makes sense, then we'll leave it at that. I will not force my beliefs upon you if they are not compatible; it is your task to develop a world view which appears most logical to you personally. But remember - your choice of beliefs should help, rather than hinder you, in coming to terms with the problems of existence. If they are making you uncomfortable, and if you find yourself wishing to perceive things differently - then they are worth re-evaluating.