sick and tired

[LoveMe_HateMe]

You know, sometimes I feel so worthless when I'm around my parents, like I'm just an outlet for stress. Mum is always having a go at me for the slightest of things and whatever I do is never good enough, never to the right standards. In the morning she'll say do this, do that. And if i forget to do it or I did something else she'll have a go at me. She tells me to revision, coursework, do this and that around the house, get a job etc. If i do my coursework and nothing else she has a go at me for not doing the other stuff. Its just getting too much. Last night my dad picked me up from my boyfs and we broke down i asked if i coud help some how and he just completely ignored me asif it was my fault his shitty car broke down.

When mum has a go at me i just let her do it, i dont fight back incase it'll cause an argument. And she's really controlling and quite strict... she'll let me go to gigs on my own but she wont let me catch the train to sheffield (its like an hour or something on the train) on my own or even with my friends. Its like i'm still a little kid.

She just piles stuff ontop if me and with the stress of my exams coming up soon, i dont know how i'm gonna cope... so far i've managed to stop cutting but if this carries on i think i'l lend up starting again..but worse. If i do the boyf will see it and tell my parents...

On occasion i have actually thought about moving out, i'm legally old enough to do it.

I actually feel like a burden to my 'best' friends and family and i hate it. The only person who is the closest to even knowing the real me is my boyf, i feel like i'm putting on an act for everyone. ITs like theres a wall that im hiding behind so no one can get it. There's still a side of me that my boyf hasnt seen yet bits that he doesnt know. To be honest i dont think i even know the real me anymore. i think i hide behind the wall so no one can hurt me.

i dont even ike myself, i dont see how anyone can like me. i'm too much of a pushover, i never speak my mind, i hate how i look, hate how i act... i just dont wanna do this anymore

i have no idea what this'll achieve and i dont expect anyone to be able to help but i think i jsut needed to say/post this...

[Kahn]

You are not worthless to them, and you are not a burden to your friends families.

What your mother is doing is trying to help you strive to succeed. Being strict sometimes does this, and it is common when parents treat their children like this. The thing you shouldn't allow her to do, however, is let her yell at you constantly. With the way she treats you it could end up breaking your relationship if she truly yells at you constantly. My older brother and my father do not speak to each other anymore because of their strained relationship.

The best thing to do in these situations is talk to her. You need to tell her how you feel about the way she treats you, and how you want more responsibility. You need to actually talk though. Don't let her get angry and "go off" because that will just make matters worse. If she gets angry calm her down and continue speaking to her about it later. No matter what you need to voice your opinion to her and make her hear it.

I'd also talk to your friends parents. Ask them if they are bothered by how much you come over or hang out at their house. Ask them if you are a burden. If they are truly acceptable of you they should give you an honest answer.

The thing with going out with friends an hour away is different. She is just trying to protect you. I know you want to, and you get pissed when you are denied being able to, but maybe it is for the best. Your parents just want to keep you safe so just keep that in mind. Being an hour away from your child not knowing what they are doing is very stressful. I know my mother was scared when I didn't call her the first day I was 13 hours away from her.