Don't Want To Ruin Friendship

[steve1234]

Here is another one of those 'i like this girl' threads, so apologies in advance :D

So, im currently in the last year of sixth form, year 13, and 18 years old.
I have liked this girl who is in my friend group since year 10! (thats right, year 10) and I haven't told her my feelings. She is pretty, intelligent, and fairly shy (although, not as shy as me!).

She is on my mind a lot of the time, and I try to get her off my mind, but as soon as I see her again, shes back in my mind.

She found out I liked her in year 10, and she didnt talk to me the same after she found out. That was a long time ago, so she might not think I still like her.

She gives off mixed signals- sometimes im like one of her best friends, then sometimes im invisible.

I have been meaning to tell her how I feel for quite some time now, but Im not sure if I should do it, when i should do it, and how I should do it. Im not being negative, but I know she probably doesnt feel the same way, but you can never be certain unless you tell them how you feel. Also, many people say that if you have liked a girl for a long time, you should tell them just to get it off your chest.

The reasons I wont tell her how I feel:
* Im a shy, quite nervous around girls, might not be the best looking guy around. I tend to have my glass half empty.
* She seems quite shallow (but isnt everyone?). Like talking about her friends behind their backs really harshly, and saying that less attractive guys are 'F**k ugly'
* After nearly 4 years of being in the same friend group, we are finally becoming good friends, so I dont want to ruin the friendship. She also seems to act cold to the boys that like her, plus it would make things difficult between us.

I may be over-analysing things

Anyway, does anyone have any advice?
Thanks :)

[cassann08]

first of all, welcome to VT :)

the same thing happened to me - TWICE! in yr 7 i started liking this guy and then he got girlfriends so i kinda gave up but still really liked him. i was so hung up on him that i was so tempted to punch his girlfriend in the head and my face would heat up with anger when she walked past. they have broken up now and both have new bf/gf and i'm friends with both of them.
when i told him how i felt he didnt do much - nothing at all actually. then one day last year (yes, 4 years later) i just woke up and didnt feel anything for him. i still love him as a friend and that's just it - we're really good friends now. that was me falling for him and then becoming friends.
the second happened not that long ago, but it was more intense. i actually fell for a guy who was a friend first. i told him how i felt and i accept his decision/opinion/response whatever, because i realise now that the friendship is not worth ruining.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, really think about what would happen. is she the kind of girl who will let it go or will she completely shut you out. very rarely do things in the movies actually work! :P my advice would be that whatever you decide to do, try your hardest to keep the friendship strong. having a significant other is nothing compared to having a friend.

[Kaius]

Hey don't worry, it happens to us all. Thats a pretty long time you've been liking her, and although you have some cons of asking her, there are quite a few more cons for not asking her. For example, at the age you are now you'll both be going off to uni next year. Now what's saying she won't find someone else there, and the last 4 years would have been in vein? I say go for it, you won't know unless you try. And honestly.. girls can hide their feelings for someone pretty damn well I have to say, my current girlfriend did the same thing when we started to like each other. I stayed quiet in fear of breaking our close friendship, but then thought why the hell not, and told her.. luckily, she felt the same way and it just happened. The advice would probably have to be to tell her. Either way you'll acomplish something, whether it be getting the girl or getting the courage to tell her how you feel about her. Sorry this might not be that helpful, but good luck.

[steve1234]

Thanks cassann08 and Kaius! Some really helpful adice from you both. :)

She does seem the type of girl to completley shut me out if I told her, which is putting me off a bit. But, she may take it well. I wont know until i do it.
I will tell her I like her, hopefully, seeing as after year 13, we will go our seperate ways to university, and probably not see each other again (or if i do see her, it will be rarely). So if i dont tell her, I might regret it once I leave year 13.

Just after such a long time liking her, I feel a bit like a creepy pervert, and Im afraid she might think of me like that once I tell her. I am probably being silly though.

Anyway, thanks again for your advice. I definaltly will tell her! (although, that is easier said than done :D lol)