We argued. Now my feet are a mess.

[1_21Guns]

'Pain' 'Hate' 'Numb' carved into my left foot, and 'ugly' 'liar' 'idiot' in my right.
i was about to carve a whole lyric in my leg. that was when i finally managed to snap myself out of it.
with everything that went on, i just wasn't in the mood for my mum winding me up - at all.
and what did she go and do, so i snapped at her.
she just told me to put my laptop in her room and get to bed.
then we started arguing.
maybe if i still had my laptop, i wouldn't of done it.
everythings just one big mess.
i'm just messing everything up.
i've cut bad before.
but never this bad.
after stopping for 29 days, and all the times before.
it seems like i've made up for all the days i didnt cut.
i don't want to stop anymore either.
i deserve it, after all.
you can say i dont, but i do. i just screw everything up.
that's not even the main reason i started cutting again.
i thought maybe it might make me ugly to everyone who seems to think i'm not.
maybe he'll stop looking at me.
it'll never work. but it's a reason.

[pixie1234]

hmmm, apart from yur laptop is there anything else that can distract you? i know how it feels to stop and then cut again. you feel like giving up but please, please, please dont give up. stay strong!!

if you ever need someone to talk to pm me xx

[Fiction]

Relapses will always happen. However much you want to stop. You jsut have to keep on going and see if you can go longer this time. I know what you mean about not wanting to stop. The best way to stop is to find yourself a good reason too. Maybe a family member or a friend who you know would be upset if they knew. Good luck in trying again :) x

[1_21Guns]

hmmm, apart from yur laptop is there anything else that can distract you? i know how it feels to stop and then cut again. you feel like giving up but please, please, please dont give up. stay strong!!

if you ever need someone to talk to pm me xx

there is, but i have no interest in anything else. i was still on MSN on my iPod, but it wasnt the same. without it being in my room it felt like i'd lost a comfort. i always feel lost when there's something not in my room.

Relapses will always happen. However much you want to stop. You jsut have to keep on going and see if you can go longer this time. I know what you mean about not wanting to stop. The best way to stop is to find yourself a good reason too. Maybe a family member or a friend who you know would be upset if they knew. Good luck in trying again :) x

my best friend knows, i had to tell her this morning because i was crippled with guilt over it. she practically shouted at me, said if my arm looks like that again she's going to force me to get help. i know i should stop. but i just don't want to... thanks.

[UnknownError]

Well, at least your friend cares for you. That should make you feel a bit happier?
My friends laugh at this sort of stuff. I tried to mention it once and they start saying stupid jokes. You know that your friend loves you and cares for you. If you ever need to talk, or shout, Private Mail me. Im not that good a talker but Im a good listener.

Stay strong!

[Mike321]

As others have said, atleast your friend cares, althought she shouted at you, it shows she doesnt want you to hurt yourself.
I know this isn't going to be much help but try and keep yourself distracted especialy if you feel the need to cut (easier said than done i know)
And if your mom starts having a go at you, try and walk away before you get angry, and don't blame yourself