Okay I Get It, I Fucked Up.

[1_21Guns]

i'm sorry, and that's all I can say.
i don't know what you want me to say or do,
i cant turn back clocks, but i wish i could.
if you never forgive me, i wont blame you.
if you never talk to me again, i'll understand.
just when everything was finally perfect again, i messed it up - again.

my hand feels numb, the cuts are stinging, i did them 8 hours ago. but they won't stop hurting. i just want it all to stop. i wish this whole week never happened. i wish it would all just go away.

i know you hate me, i dont blame you. what happened was a misunderstanding, all because i went looking for help in the wrong place. i nearly tried to kill myself earlier, you probably wish i had.

it wont stop hurting. i just want it to stop. the only way i can stop it is to do it more. and i cant do that. i just want it to go away. i just want it to be over. i just want that to go away, but its not going to is it? it's never going to be the same again.

I fucked up, I wish there was a way to put it right, but there isn't.
_____

probably noone understands what that was about, and i really do hope you don't read that. but if i didnt get that out of my system i think i was about to lose it completley. nothings clear anymore, everythings just a haze. i dont understand anything anymore, feels like its all gone to shit for good. maybe giving up isn't such a bad idea after all. why does everything happen all at once? why does everything happen when i can't deal with it... just why.

[Sith Lord 13]

Natalie,

I felt the exact way you did, less than a week ago. I hurt two people I cared for. I fucked up, in what I thought was the worst way I could. But you know what? One of them has forgiven me and we're closer than ever. The other, still needs more time. But I've found out that my fears were mostly in my head. That the only person condemning me for what I did, was me. Yes, they weren't happy with me, but they forgave me. And they didn't think what I did was nearly as terrible as I thought it was. Now, I don't know your situation, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out like mine. Death is permanent. Don't kill yourself when this may not actually be as bad as you think.

[Antonioc]

Sounds like my last summer... first time I ever cut :(