Friends...?

[starbrite5]

I love my friends dearly, and I know I'm blessed to have them in my life, but... I feel constantly distanced from them because they don't know. There are 6 people that know, and they are kept carefully separated from my school life. No one else knows. My parents, my sister, the majority of my friends, my boyfriend... none of them know. And I want it to stay that way, almost. Because I can't get past this far that if they found out or if they see the cuts and the scabs and the scars they will desert me. Half of my brain says I'm being stupid because they are good people who wouldn't do that, but...

And I worry that it will leak. I don't think they would tell anyone, but it would get out, and everyone would know, and it would get worse... I worry so much about any of them finding out, and yet it feels odd to keep something that has consumed so much of my life from the girl I consider my best friend. I don't want to be distant, and I want to be honest, but I live in constant fear of abandonment... Help please?

[Sith Lord 13]

Fear of abandonment, I understand. One of my friends has gotten to the point that he's about ready to hit me because I keep thinking he's going to ditch me. I now how hard it is to get passed that deep seated, if irrational, fear.

Yes, the simple answer is to bite the bullet and tell them. But I know how hard it is to do that. To do anything that might jeopardize the friendship. But in the end, you have to make a choice: risk it and tell them, or keep going the way you are, hiding it as best you can until one day you cut to deep and wake up in the hospital. Then, they'll find out, in the way you least want them to.

There is always option 3. You could stop cutting. While that would be your best option, I am willing to bet it would be even harder than the other two.

My suggestion is to trust in your rational side. I know it's hard, but you have to try. Good luck.

[starbrite5]

Thank you so much. I think that's sort of what I needed to hear. I can't really not tell them, or at least my best friend. I just need to do it... gah. That'll be fun.

[Sith Lord 13]

It's going to be tough. But you can do it. And remember, the toughest part is just saying it. Once it's out there, once other people know, it will actually be at least a little bit easier than it is now. Keeping secrets is hard work. Sharing it with others makes it easier to live with.

[Mike321]

Telling someone is never easy, it took me 2 months to tell anyone about it.
Only tell somone you can really trust, like your best friend, and as Alex said sharing your problem makes it a bit easier
Atleast that way you have someone to turn to if your finding it hard to cope

[Fiction]

I've been in both situations. I've been found out and i've told people. Only 3 people know and some i'm glad know and some i regret. Just make sure the person you tell is someone you can really trust.

[starbrite5]

I've decided that I'll tell her for sure. I'm just not sure when. I think I'll see if she wants to hang out on Friday, and if I tell her, then great. If I don't, I had a good evening. Or something like that. How do I even bring up the subject? I don't just want to blurt it out randomly or whatever shiz. Gah. This is really not helping my constant feeling of social awkwardness.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I've decided that I'll tell her for sure. I'm just not sure when. I think I'll see if she wants to hang out on Friday, and if I tell her, then great. If I don't, I had a good evening. Or something like that. How do I even bring up the subject? I don't just want to blurt it out randomly or whatever shiz. Gah. This is really not helping my constant feeling of social awkwardness.

i know the feelling, i ended up not having to tell him..he saw my cuts and like yeah he now knows..but someone said to me to start it off with how much you trust her and why you want her to be the one you tell...and just gently break it to her and tell her why you do it. I'm sure if you explain, she'll understand and try to help you. Good luck :) x

(sorry if this is useless >_<)

[starbrite5]

i know the feelling, i ended up not having to tell him..he saw my cuts and like yeah he now knows..but someone said to me to start it off with how much you trust her and why you want her to be the one you tell...and just gently break it to her and tell her why you do it. I'm sure if you explain, she'll understand and try to help you. Good luck :) x

(sorry if this is useless >_<)

It's not useless. Honestly, any advice is appreciated. I'm horrible with switching into serious conversation mode from our normal joking around. I mean, we have deep conversations, but those just happen naturally in our group of friends. Once again, I am completely socially awkward. Around everyone. No matter how long I've known them or how close I am to them.

[munchausen]

You probably already know he'll have to find out at some point but you really would be better off telling your bf that you self harm, if he finds out accidentally he will be shocked and maybe even mistrust you because of it that can seriously damage a relationship. you should probably come right out and tell him about it but I know that won't be easy, if it's too hard to do in person you could always just send a message over msn or a text or e-mail. and goodluck telling your friend

[Fiction]

You probably already know he'll have to find out at some point but you really would be better off telling your bf that you self harm, if he finds out accidentally he will be shocked and maybe even mistrust you because of it that can seriously damage a relationship. you should probably come right out and tell him about it but I know that won't be easy, if it's too hard to do in person you could always just send a message over msn or a text or e-mail. and goodluck telling your friend

I agree. My bf found out and it seriously was the most horrible thing that as ever happened to me. We had an arguement a few weeks ago because i said i probabaley wouldn't have told him so you really want to avoid that. We can't really talk about my sh in real life, only over msn. So i agree with that too, it can make talking alot easier :)

[MELL-AHH-KNEE]

well i have had experience with this i had my friends desert me because of something like that and i cut my wrist and it was really hectic cause she had no idea how this made me feel. she pretends everything is okay when its not. so just be up front with who you want and if ppl find out just stay calm about it and talk to someone about it, i let my situation get really out of hand and it got pretty serious but i told someone about it and things got easier. people got over it and it became old news.

[starbrite5]

You probably already know he'll have to find out at some point but you really would be better off telling your bf that you self harm, if he finds out accidentally he will be shocked and maybe even mistrust you because of it that can seriously damage a relationship. you should probably come right out and tell him about it but I know that won't be easy, if it's too hard to do in person you could always just send a message over msn or a text or e-mail. and goodluck telling your friend

I don't really want to tell him, and I don't feel comfortable telling him. He's a really great guy and all, but dating him makes me feel miserable and slightly panicked. I'm fairly certain it's made my cutting worse. I'm sort of planning to break up with him. So, most likely not telling him.

Still planning on telling my friend though. But maybe not tomorrow as I had planned. She's been sick this week and I just got sick, so our plans for tomorrow night are most likely off. Maybe I can call her this weekend?? But I feel like this is something that should be said face to face.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I don't really want to tell him, and I don't feel comfortable telling him. He's a really great guy and all, but dating him makes me feel miserable and slightly panicked. I'm fairly certain it's made my cutting worse. I'm sort of planning to break up with him. So, most likely not telling him.

Still planning on telling my friend though. But maybe not tomorrow as I had planned. She's been sick this week and I just got sick, so our plans for tomorrow night are most likely off. Maybe I can call her this weekend?? But I feel like this is something that should be said face to face.

If you think you're gonna break up soon then I suggest not telling him... :/

I think you should tell your friend as soon as possible. I think it may be better if you say it face to face BUT I know how hard it can be to do that, if you do, do it face to face you can easily see her reaction, but she may ask questions, I know my boyfriend did when he found out. However you can tell her over the phone but you wont be able to see her reaction but it will be easier to make an escape if you need to.

In the end its up to you. Go with what you feel the most comfortable with :) Good luck :)

[starbrite5]

I ended up not being able to tell her on Friday because our plans got ruined. It's also hard because I haven't even seen her recently. I guess I would feel bad if like, the first time I see her after a week or so I just break this huge thing to her. I mean, I think she would take it really well, that's why I decided to tell her rather than any of my other friends, but still... I guess I just have this huge fear of being an inconvenience to people.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Don't have the fear of being an inconvienice to anyone. You wont be, not to the people who care about you, and the ones who dont care about you arent worth the effort. When you see her next, see how it goes and if you think the time is right to tell her, tell her. But you should tell her as soon as possible. Good luck :)

[starbrite5]

Thanks. :) I'm going out of town this weekend, so I think I'll call her or message her at that time. That way, I probably won't feel like I actually told her until I get back in town. I can also most likely dodge the feelings of vulnerability that triggered me the first time I told someone.

[TakeMyHand]

I wish you luck! I'm the same way, telling people something like this through messages is just so much easier. Plus it's probably the better way anyway, you'll be able to really put your words together the right way and she'll have time to absorb everything too. I'm sure it'll be fine. :)

[Demyx]

I have a few friends that cut. You just gotta be there for them.

[MadManWithaBox]

If I could give you some advice, I would say tell them to the face. I think something like that may be viewed as hurtful if they didn't think you didn't have the guts to tell them face to face. And do tell them. Its always better to tell someone something than have them find out. Trust me.

[starbrite5]

If I could give you some advice, I would say tell them to the face. I think something like that may be viewed as hurtful if they didn't think you didn't have the guts to tell them face to face.

I really do want to tell her face to face, but it just doesn't seem to be working out. There's no time or privacy at school, and our weekend plans keep falling through.

[MadManWithaBox]

Well then you need to keep trying. Cos texting someone that, or just putting it in an email, would be hurtful, to me. It seems impersonal, and it would seem like you didn't trust that person enough to look them in the eye and tell them. Aask them to walk home with you, or come round to your house to talk or something/.

[starbrite5]

Tomorrow might be possible since we're both staying after school. Privacy might be more possible at that point. And I really wish I could just walk over to talk to my friends, but the problem is that they all live 30-45 minutes away by car. :( My school is weird like that.

[MadManWithaBox]

Take a bus? Ask for a lift? Or take the opportunity tomorrow like you said, once you've done it you'll feel all the better for it