I still really want to...

[munchausen]

yesterday I cut again, I lost a dangerous amount of blood, I know that now because I'm dealing with the after effects of it, I cut more times than I would care to post here and at the time I made sure not a single one was shallow. I am pretty messed up today, I couldn't even make it into the kitchen this morning to get socks for school :/ and I still want to do more. It just wasn't enough. Right now I don't care that my parents or my not-girlfriend know what's going on I just want to cut and I can't stand not being able to. The blade I used yesterday is long gone so I can't SH even if I want to, this seems so unfair to me, I want it so badly and I'm not able to.

Everyone that knows tries to stop me, one even said "You like cutting yourself so much you'd pick doing it over spending time with me." and sometimes that is true, I have had to miss out hanging around with friends and doing some stuff because of my SH but I'm fine with that. If I want to SH why do so many people try to stop me? if it's just concern then they're wasting their time I'm already screwed up cutting a little bit wont make any difference to that. It just feels so unfair that I'm being constantly forced into not cutting when it's the only thing I really have that helps me cope.

Rant over, sorry just had to get that off of my chest.

[UnknownError]

I fell sorry for you. I haven't cut for a few months. Stopped as soon as my teacher noticed and confronted me about it. I lied and said it was a cat but I could tell she knew I was lying.

[Aceso]

Dont worry
I am sorry you feel like that, and i know you have probably herd this but they take the knives away because they care...
I am quite suprised that they would say "You like cutting yourself so much you'd pick doing it over spending time with me." though, because they should be supporting you rather than making you feel guilty, because i know from experiance that it makes us feel worse.
Im rubbish at giving adivce but when i feel like cutting really bad i have a pillow fight with my wall or thow soft things...

[Aspiringanonymous]

My rationale for being anti-self harm is very simple: Cutting is addictive and often does become an addiction, and addictions are characterized most of all by a significant loss of rationality and self-control. Once one relinquishes enough power to consciously and logically direct one's actions, and makes room for destructive forces to take over instead, there is a constant danger of it growing out of proportion and leading to unexpected consequences.

I have come across many who claim that even after most of the circumstances which perpetuated the desperate need for a coping method has changed, their enduring addiction to self-harm is the one thing preventing them from making a reasonable recovery from depression.

There are also cases of people who accidentally killed themselves through self-harm by cutting too deep and/or too much. Yes, accidentally; just a coping method, not an intentional suicide attempt. These are only a few examples.

It would feel very unfortunate, and to an extent, irresponsible on behalf of those who truly care, to just stand there and watch the addiction rob you of a clear mind. Perhaps they do not know how best to support you, especially if you are unwilling to make an effort to stop, but they are only doing what they can, with the best intentions.

I know this was a rant, and you probably didn't want someone to come and continue the 'cutting is bad' talk, but I really felt that it should be said - the logic behind it, if anything.

Hope it has helped to post this. :hug3: