Doll
April 20th, 2010, 06:26 PM
I feel kind of bad.
I went to the school guidance counselor, because I've been really worried about my friend. She used to cut, and she talked about suicide a lot. She hasn't been herself, or even really talking to me at all, lately. On her blog she's been talking about loosing weight, even though she's like a stick already. She went anorexic once before. So I asked her if she was doing it again, and she wouldn't talk about it- just kept drawing flowers and talking about other things, since we were passing notes. And I know her life at home isn't the greatest. She always says she's fat, but she's really not at all.
I went to the guidance counselor and told her I was worried, and what was going on. She pulled her from P.E. and I guess we had a mini-intervention. Our counselor is totally awesome, though, so it wasn't awkward at all.
When she asked what my friend ate for breakfast this morning, she hesitated and said yogurt. She asked what flavor. She went, "Ummmm....Strawberry?" but it definitely took her a second. So I think she lied about that. She said that she's been writing about suicide, but that she doesn't want to hurt herself. She only showed us one arm, though, so she still might be cutting. And people don't just cut their arms, they cut their stomachs or legs sometimes. So she's not really in the clear there, either.
I do feel bad, though. She cried. But she wouldn't cry if she didn't have something to hide, right? I'd be angry that someone was accusing me of that. The last thing I would do is cry. Unless it was true. I'd cry then. My counselor and my mom said it was the right thing to do, but I don't know anymore. Was it? She totally hates me now. I'm fine with that, I'd rather her hate me than end up dead. I'm going to highschool next year anyway, just have to survive 34 more days.
She thinks I told our friend about it, but I didn't. I would never do that to her. Why would I? I don't gossip. Especially about something as serious as this. I don't think she gets how much I care... It's like she thinks I just want to torture her. I've been crying over it lately, and I got an hour of sleep both last night and the night before, when I realized it was getting worse. I wouldn't have suspected Anorexia if she hadn't done it before. The first time she told me about it, but she never tells me anything anymore. She wears hoodies almost every day, and they're usually pretty baggy. I've heard that's what people with that disorder do, they wear baggy clothes and are really sensitive. She's always telling me she's fat, and how she wished she was as skinny as I am. She's skinnier than me by far, though. So it doesn't really make sense to me what could be going on if it's not anorexia.
Did I do the right thing?
Should I apologize?
Am I total bitch for 'betraying' her and telling the counselor?
Ughh. I'm confused.
This is in my blog, too, so hopefully I'll get some feedback between this and that.
She said she feels angry and betrayed, and she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. She said she was just using words she shouldn't have when she was talking about the suicide, but she was talking about drowning and jumping off of buildings. "Going splat". So I don't think it was just in a joking manner or anything.
I went to the school guidance counselor, because I've been really worried about my friend. She used to cut, and she talked about suicide a lot. She hasn't been herself, or even really talking to me at all, lately. On her blog she's been talking about loosing weight, even though she's like a stick already. She went anorexic once before. So I asked her if she was doing it again, and she wouldn't talk about it- just kept drawing flowers and talking about other things, since we were passing notes. And I know her life at home isn't the greatest. She always says she's fat, but she's really not at all.
I went to the guidance counselor and told her I was worried, and what was going on. She pulled her from P.E. and I guess we had a mini-intervention. Our counselor is totally awesome, though, so it wasn't awkward at all.
When she asked what my friend ate for breakfast this morning, she hesitated and said yogurt. She asked what flavor. She went, "Ummmm....Strawberry?" but it definitely took her a second. So I think she lied about that. She said that she's been writing about suicide, but that she doesn't want to hurt herself. She only showed us one arm, though, so she still might be cutting. And people don't just cut their arms, they cut their stomachs or legs sometimes. So she's not really in the clear there, either.
I do feel bad, though. She cried. But she wouldn't cry if she didn't have something to hide, right? I'd be angry that someone was accusing me of that. The last thing I would do is cry. Unless it was true. I'd cry then. My counselor and my mom said it was the right thing to do, but I don't know anymore. Was it? She totally hates me now. I'm fine with that, I'd rather her hate me than end up dead. I'm going to highschool next year anyway, just have to survive 34 more days.
She thinks I told our friend about it, but I didn't. I would never do that to her. Why would I? I don't gossip. Especially about something as serious as this. I don't think she gets how much I care... It's like she thinks I just want to torture her. I've been crying over it lately, and I got an hour of sleep both last night and the night before, when I realized it was getting worse. I wouldn't have suspected Anorexia if she hadn't done it before. The first time she told me about it, but she never tells me anything anymore. She wears hoodies almost every day, and they're usually pretty baggy. I've heard that's what people with that disorder do, they wear baggy clothes and are really sensitive. She's always telling me she's fat, and how she wished she was as skinny as I am. She's skinnier than me by far, though. So it doesn't really make sense to me what could be going on if it's not anorexia.
Did I do the right thing?
Should I apologize?
Am I total bitch for 'betraying' her and telling the counselor?
Ughh. I'm confused.
This is in my blog, too, so hopefully I'll get some feedback between this and that.
She said she feels angry and betrayed, and she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. She said she was just using words she shouldn't have when she was talking about the suicide, but she was talking about drowning and jumping off of buildings. "Going splat". So I don't think it was just in a joking manner or anything.