scared of myself

[LoveMe_HateMe]

i am actually getting kinda scared of myself, at the minute i either feel nothing, or the need to cut. and my cuts aren't really shallow like they used to be, and i'm doing it more often...going deeper. i cant help it :/ it really is like a drug, wish i'd never started in the first place and i cant get the courage up to tell anyone about it...altho i'll probably have to tell they boyf soon..he'll be the first to see them... but when first do it, everything looks better in life but after when the affect fades away, i hate myself for what ive done..which then triggers my urge to do it..again... :/ but the annoying thing is i hate me doing this cause i know i've got a fairly good life and there's people out there who are going through much MUCH worse but... i dont know :(

and i dont even know why i posted this... didn't really have to but i need to get it off my chest, and at least here people will understand that they're not alone and yeah so on.

[Aceso]

You posted in my thread - we do seem rather similar!
What i am currently doing is just bringing back very small things that i used to do, like listening to old songs or visiting places i used to go to, i really find it theraputic and just for a while it gives me hope that i can go back to that way. Of cource some things will be different and we cant change that, but the small things really do help! :)
Good luck! mabye we could chat sometime?

[LoveMe_HateMe]

thank you, i'll try that :)
and yeah we can do if you want to :)

[Fiction]

If your like me, you will go through phases. You will cut deeper some weeks and shallower others and less or more often. Although it does seem to get progressivley worse :/ I know what you mean about having a good life. There's nothing wrong with mine either but i still can't live without burning myself :/

[Aspiringanonymous]

It's okay. What is done is done, and there is no need to add to the burden of your struggle with self-condemnation. Perhaps you were not fully conscious of the implications when you began - well, now you are - learn from the experience, so that mistakes do not repeat themselves in the future. States of mind are always changing, but knowledge and insight will remain, and that is ultimately what matters.

And, yes, you will be able to recover from this addiction at some point. Even if it doesn't seem to be likely now, it is certainly possible, but will require a lot of willpower and effort on your behalf. As for strategies, Hannah took my main ideas :P - become reacquainted with your state of being prior to the onset of self-harm. The only way to gain perspective is to first take on a different one that is independent of this experience.

Also, sharing your experience with others may also beneficial. Converse with others who have recovered, especially those with similar life circumstances - simply listening to their own stories can serve as an inspiration.

I hope that posting this has helped you to clear your head a little. I'm always around if you want to talk about anything. :hug3:

Stay strong and stay safe.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

it is certainly possible, but will require a lot of willpower and effort on your behalf.

i know its possible but i dont have the effort and willpower that i need to stop :/

Converse with others who have recovered, especially those with similar life circumstances - simply listening to their own stories can serve as an inspiration.

i found out today that someone i know used to cut and he's been trying to help me today, and he's offered to come with me to see a doctor/therapist. but i dont have the courage to go and seek help. also the doctor/therapist shouldnt need to be bothered with me...there are people out there who need them alot more than i do :/

I'm always around if you want to talk about anything. :hug3:

Stay strong and stay safe.

Thank you :) x


I've also started to think it might be dangerous for me to be in a bad mood,bored and on my own atm :/

[Aspiringanonymous]

I've also started to think it might be dangerous for me to be in a bad mood,bored and on my own atm :/
Indeed, I share that feeling often myself. It's a good thing that you are aware of circumstances which intensify the urges - why not try to use that knowledge to your advantage, and take care to avoid such situations from springing up for too long? To the best of your ability, of course. One certainly can't expect to never be alone, for example, but there's no harm in deliberately seeking to spend time with others during worrisome moments.

The best way to stay clear of boredom is to be out of the home and actively doing something. If you sense that you might be starting to slip into a dangerous mindset, go out for a walk - go to the nearest store, buy a bag of chips, that kind of thing - if it's possible.

Look at it this way, you posted on here about wanting to stop rather than choosing to succumb to the urges - that shows that there is willpower hidden inside after all. The pain and confusion prevents a strong connection with it, but it's there, waiting for a suitable opportunity to surface.

There is no such thing as 'bothering' a mental health professional - that is their job, and most of them are more than happy to help you. There will always be those who are better and those who are worse as relative to any particular position in life, but if you are a danger to yourself, that is definitely a sign that you need to seek help.

May you find courage and inspiration.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

The best way to stay clear of boredom is to be out of the home and actively doing something.

i cant really do that at the minute... kind of got myself grounded ¬_¬ but thats one of the reasons why i'm on here so much to kill boredom AND to try and help people :)

There is no such thing as 'bothering' a mental health professional - that is their job, and most of them are more than happy to help you. There will always be those who are better and those who are worse as relative to any particular position in life, but if you are a danger to yourself, that is definitely a sign that you need to seek help.

i know they are but i don't want to feel like i'm wasting their time..cause i dont actually have a reason to be in these moods all the time and to be self harming :/

Thank you x

[HeroesAndCons]

i know what you mean
somedays i feel like shit
and then i have deep and shallow cuts
it sucks
i wish i didnt do that first cut
but im slowly recvering
and i know u would too
Xx