Nobody's listeneing

[Fiction]

Sorry this is going to be a long post. Thank you in advance to anyone that reads.
I started to get depressed about August time. I had my reasons. It had all blown over by the time i got back to school and i was fine... for a while. Then about October it just came back, for no reason. I overdosed, although not badly, i ended up being quite ill. My mum came in my room to find me crying my eyes out, totallly drunk and hardly able to talk. She asked me what was wrong, of course, but i didn't tell her because i didn't know. About this time i started locking myself in my room every night, never talking to anyone. My parents would shout at me for being "anti- social" but i just didn't want to talk.
I've been to the doctors several times. One doctor asked me if i felt ok... because i had physical signs of depression. I nearly broke down at cried in front of her. She told me to come back in a year. Wheather she didn't notice me trying not to cry, or if she shose to ignore it i will never know. Either way i could hear my voice cracking as i was talking.
In January, i started to self harm. My bf found out. At first he cared but then told me he didn't. He won't talk to me about any of this and really doesn't take it seriously- he doesn't care anyway. I told my best friend, at first she was supportive( for about the first day) but ended up just telling me i was an "attention seeking whore"- even though only 3 people know about it. She doesn't talk to me anymore. My grades have dropped and my parents didn't notice. I want help but i don't know how to get it and at the same time i'm so scared of getting help. Maybe if no one is taking me seriously its because its not serious? Maybe this is just me making it all up. I feel ignored like i'm invisible, like i don't matter. maybe i'm just an overdramatic attention seeker and my friend was right. I really don't know.

[Mr. Awesome]

No your friend was wrong, If you feel depressed and think there is something is wrong, then there is.

You need to tell your parents, i know its hard, i really do, because i had to do it myself. But it is the best thing to do, tell them everything that is bothering you. you will feel better for it. you will be able to relax more because its not bottled up,

Yes you may have to visit a psychologist or psycharist, but they are there to help you.

Please please tell someone, if its not your parents, maybe a teacher you trust, a school counsellor, or auntie or uncle, in the long run it will help to tell someone

[Fiction]

I'm not close to my parents or any of the rest of my family. We don't have a school councillor and my school has kept suicide attempts and stuff quiet in fear of "ruining there reputation". :/ I don't know who i can tell. Thank you for your help though.

[Mr. Awesome]

You need to find an adult that you can trust, so that you can talk about how you are feeling, whats troubling you, and if they can help in anyway.

Maybe theres a coach of a sport you do that you can trust, or a friends mom that you know well. The biggest thing for you is to find someone you can confide in, and i know i could say you could PM me. but im online maybe an hour or 2every few days.

In a situation like this you need to be able to ring someone, visit them, someone you can talk to at anytime.

if all else fails feel free to PM me. Cause atleast im listening

[Fiction]

I have internet friends who i can talk to and they do help me alot but its not quite the same. I jsut want someone who knows me and who really cares. :/

[Mr. Awesome]

and thats why i am stressing the point of telling someone close to you, but it has to be an adult, because they can help you.

and as for telling a teacher you trust, they wont just sweep it under the carpet, they are human, in my time of need and desperation i turned to one of the teachers in my school and he helped me alot, and he even talked to my parents for me.

Telling a friend can help ease the overwhelming feeling how ever they cannot really do anything at the end of the day, so please talk to a parent (you are their child after all, no matter what the relationship, they do love you) or a teacher or a friends parent, a coach an auntie or uncle, they will help, they will not ignore you if you tell them EVERYTHING you are feeling and going through

[Fiction]

I'm not sure its help i want though. They will try to stop me self harming and i don't want to have to do that. I don't want to cause unnecasary worry :/ This might sound very contradicting but i'm jsut really confused about what i want and what would be best :/

[Mr. Awesome]

Self harming is a way you deal with your problems and if that helps you deal with what is going on in your life, im not going to tell you to stop,

I will however say what will it take for you to tell someone, is it waking up in hospital with your family around you because you accidently cut to deep.

If your not ready yet to tell someone write how you are feeling down in a journal, or even better write it down on a piece of paper and then (carefully) burn it, as if to say thats that problem dealt with.

Just dont keep your feelings bottled up

[Fiction]

I don't cut often. I mainly burn so i'm not going to cut too deep :/ And that never needs to happen they never need to know.

[Mr. Awesome]

trust me. it does need to happen, your parents do need to know

Im not going to keep repeating myself over and over again.

You need to find a better way of expressing you emotions and feelings other than burning yourself and cutting yourself, ie tell an adult or write them down