theres a cliff...

[Violetmonster]

on the moors. about a 10 mins walk from my front door.
i had an episode there. i was with my boyfreind. we were there for about 2 hours. while he battled to stop me jumping.
after that, i went back there every night,
while my family were sleeping.
i just feel so unworthy of life. i have no real want to live. i just feel like i'm not there atall. i don't even know if its depression.
its not wanting to kill myself so much. but wanting to put myself in hospital with something serious. when i'm in the car i pray it'll crash. when i'm walking alone i hope that something terrible will happen too me.
i don't know whats wrong with me :/

[Mr. Smithers]

Do you have any counselors at your school. Have you talked to them? You can always come here for help. You always have someone to talk to. You shouldn't have to feel that way. You shouldn't feel the way you do.

[Antares]

You have a LOT more to live for. At least 60 more years, your life can turn around on a dime and you could live the best 60 years anyone can imagine. Jumping off of a cliff won't solve your problems. It will just cause unnecessary grief and pain for your family and boyfriend.

[Aceso]

I sometimes have a phase like this too...just hoping something, anything will go wrong. You are not alone in that aspect...I would suggest spending more time with people, so just in case you suddenly have an urge to do something, your safe with them...

[Violetmonster]

Do you have any counselors at your school. Have you talked to them? You can always come here for help. You always have someone to talk to. You shouldn't have to feel that way. You shouldn't feel the way you do.

there is a system, but its made up of students, mostly my freinds, so i don't really want to speak to them.


I sometimes have a phase like this too...just hoping something, anything will go wrong. You are not alone in that aspect...I would suggest spending more time with people, so just in case you suddenly have an urge to do something, your safe with them...

thats the problem, my freinds wouldn't think anything of it if i wanderd off, since i few times a freind of mine has stormed off. but i do spend alot of time with my boyfreind, so that helps.

[1_21Guns]

putting yourself in hospital isn't going to make every reason you want to be in there go away. it's going to give you another reason to jump again.
just think what your friends would say, what everyone would say if you did.
like Regulus said, you have a lot to live for, just because it doesn't feel like it now doesn't mean there is nothing.

[Aceso]

Hmm okay...
Well from what you posted it seems like your boyfriend really cares for you, mabye try talking to him about all this?
Try to have a worst-case-scenario action plan. Thats what i do.
So, you had an awfull day, and nothings worth doing anymore. Your at this cliff, ready to jump. What i suggest is walking a long way away where no one can hear you and as far away as you can from the cliff and just let it all out. Cry, scream, laugh, anything. I mean if thats possible for you.
Sorry if im being useless, im not feeling on top form today :(