Mother Earth

[Jess]

this is a poem I wrote for First Draft at school....

( I am not good with poems so bear with me. also don't suggest changes, I already submitted this poem in so...just give positive comments please )

Mother Earth by Jessica Chen

If we keep polluting
Mother Earth will die
She is dying
From all our pollutants
We need to find a solution
For cleaner air
Cleaner water
Save endangered animals
Stop littering
Mother Earth is dying
Help save her
For she is our Mother Earth
Our home
So please
Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.

[Shadoukun]

A prerequisite to positive feedback is a good work. You seem to still be working on this condition.

Enjoy your grade, lawl.

Also, poetry is not an environmentalist bumper-sticker. Next you're going to slander me for eating meat.

[Cosmic]

I know you didn't want people to suggest changes, but if I may, I'd like to offer some advice for the next time you have to/ decide to write poetry: remember that it doesn't have to read like prose. Poetry is an experimentation of language, and you can really push the meaning of words to their limits. So use some vivid images, try and be a bit creative in your expression; this is your chance to show things in a way that they usually aren't.

[Brayden]

I don't see the point in posting poetry on an online forum if you're not willing to deal with constructive criticism. This isn't a forum where we're going to blindly compliment you on what you tell us is good, this is a forum where we're going to put on what your poetry is lacking and how you could have better constructed your poem.

I'm not going to leave a positive comment, because this poem doesn't warrant one. It feels like you're trying to shove environmentalist doctrine down my throat, albeit with an attempted 'creative flair'. I'd recommend a total rewrite. Poetry can really push the limits of expression, you can find truly interesting and unexpected angles from which to describe things. Paint a picture in our minds, evoke a strong feeling within us, don't arrange bumper-sticker platitudes and call it a poem.

[Jess]

this was a poem I made up out of thin air! sheesh

[Cosmic]

this was a poem I made up out of thin air! sheesh

Most creative processes are "made up out of thin air"... you shouldn't sit there content in your abilities; work to improve! Otherwise it's pointless posting your work in the first place, particularly if you profess to putting on work into it.

[Harley Quinn]

You three do realise that you can post poetry and not actualy want people to critise it right? Well, judging by your posts you don't, look around not every poem gets comments. You didn't have to post in this if you didn't want to or you didn't like it. Which you clearly didn't because of your "I'm not leaving a positive comment" you could just ignore the thread. But no. You three gang up and harrass her. Don't say you didn't. It's obvious. Stop being smart asses and don't post if you have problem. Harrassment isn't allowed in the forum, go to a different one if your used to that. Thanks.

[Origami]

I agree wholeheartedly with Delcan and Shadou.
Besides, what does positivie criticism do? Usually it's negative feedback that forces you to better yourself.
Only thing I'll note: Please use synonyms?
www.reference.com
The concept is clear and well pointed out.
I like it, but reading the same words again and again tends to bore me.

[Cosmic]

You three do realise that you can post poetry and not actualy want people to critise it right? Well, judging by your posts you don't, look around not every poem gets comments. You didn't have to post in this if you didn't want to or you didn't like it. Which you clearly didn't because of your "I'm not leaving a positive comment" you could just ignore the thread. But no. You three gang up and harrass her. Don't say you didn't. It's obvious. Stop being smart asses and don't post if you have problem. Harrassment isn't allowed in the forum, go to a different one if your used to that. Thanks.

Excuse you, but we harassed nobody. I actually gave constructive advice. Not criticism; I didn't once comment on the poem. I gave advice on writing in general. I suggest you look up the definition of harassment because you clearly don't know what it is.

And stop being "smart asses"? Take your ridiculous name calling and unfounded attack on myself and two other members and go and get your facts straight.

As a moderator you should know better than to make such quick judgements and go on the offensive without any substance. In fact, if you can even point out one part of my posts prior to this that were in the least bit rude or "harassing", then I'll be damned impressed.

[The Batman]

Let's get back on the topic of the poem you can finish the conversation in a pm if you want.
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Jess, the way you wrote it was here's the problem, what caused it, and how to fix it. It felt more like reading a very short essay than a poem. With writing you have to really make the words pop off the page, you need to be descriptive and use clever comparisons to get people to understand it and to make give it more of a life. Also a rhyme scheme would help probably help with it.

[Shadoukun]

You three do realise that you can post poetry and not actualy want people to critise it right? Well, judging by your posts you don't, look around not every poem gets comments. You didn't have to post in this if you didn't want to or you didn't like it. Which you clearly didn't because of your "I'm not leaving a positive comment" you could just ignore the thread. But no. You three gang up and harrass her. Don't say you didn't. It's obvious. Stop being smart asses and don't post if you have problem. Harrassment isn't allowed in the forum, go to a different one if your used to that. Thanks.

If she doesn't want criticism, she shouldn't put it in any public domain. If she does so, I'm permitted to my honest opinion of it.