Lose-lose situation

[Fiending_the_freedom]

Why am I never able to win with him?

When Owen is in a bad mood, he is quite the asshole. This is just how he is and i've learned to deal with it.
When Owen is sick he's an asshole, i still put up with it and take care of him.

But it still makes me sad.
When I am depressed, Owen gets frustrated and ends up being an asshole, and once again I am left sad.

I just can't seem to win.

I am so tired of being the one who has to be sad about our fiights, when he is out with his friends having fun.

I am also tired of him not being able to get that depression is a real thing.
I get it, that some people just can't understand because they've never felt anything like it,
but at least try.
Don't tell me it's in my head.
Don't get angry when you telling me to cheer up doesn't work


I was really quiet in the car on the way to get food with him. He kept asking me if i was ok and telling me i seem sad. I guess I was but I thought maybe I was just having an off day.
When we got back to my house it really sank in.

anyway long story short he told me to stop being bitchy.
I told him that he's been an asshole the last few days and i've been paitent with him and now I'm being a little bitchy and he's not doing the same for me.
He said " well i was ill"
i said, i'm ill.
"yea with a cough"
me: Oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize there was only one sickness that excuses you from being an asshole.

then he said he was leaving..
I got upset and turned over while he got up
I kind of mumbled that i wish he wouldn't leave while he was angry with me.
He didn't hear me, said "what?"
I just said nevermind, and he left.

I wish he wouldn't do this.
Leave or tell me he will talk to me tomorrow when we're having an argument.
Because I'm the only one that has to go to sleep depressed or angry.

I'm drinking.
Alone.
The first time in a year.
I know I shouldn't be, that was a really hard thing to quit.
But I am just not stronge enough right now to fight off everything.

I wish I wasn't so unhappy with myself.

[misery_business]

This isn't fair for you, why are you still with him if he makes you feel this bad? you need to be with someone who respects you and loves you if I were you i would leave him before he causes more pain. But it depends also how you feel about him, if you love him then it would be really hard but every girl deserves to be treated well :)

[Art_dude]

I'm sorry bud. :( My advice? He's not worth your time, break up. You deserve to be with someone who can respect you, and your depression. It may have been a fun run you've had with him, but now that it seems to be serious I think you need to realize that your boyfriend is not showing any effort in contributing to a serious relationship that with any compassion or understanding.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

That's the thing, I know I am going to sound like every other girl out there,
but he's not a bad guy, in fact he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.
I've gone through some really bad relationships and trust me I do not put up with bad shit.

He sounds a lot worse when I write this kind of stuff down than he actually is.

It's just that he doesn't get it. Hes a creature of habbit.

I love him a lot, We've been together for a year, and have gone through a lot, and we're going to start a life together.

Just the combination of my depression and his obliviousness isn't a good combination.
I was being a bitch today to him, I just feel like I put up with a lot from him and he doesn't do me the same favour.

[Art_dude]

ohhhh I see what you're saying. My friend went through a similar situation. As hard as it sounds, I still stand by my advice of breaking up. Or at least in this case go on a break. As great a guy as he is, like you said, your depression and his obliviousness is an unhealthy cocktail. If you really prize your relationship with him, you'd respect yourself to know when to take a break to save the relationship and not worsen it. It doesn't mean you can't try going at things again in a couple months when you're in a better frame of mind, but when you're having a tough enough time as it is, it would not be beneficial for HIM AND YOu to continue this habit.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

The thing is, I've been coping with my depression better in the last year than i have in the last 5 years. Its not even close to as bad as it was before.
I think I just need to sit him down and explain to him that if we don't clear up his ideas about depression itself, then this is going to turn into a bigger problem.
I also don't communicate to him what i'm feeling as much as I should be

[Art_dude]

But you've only been with him for one year right? So although your depression may have been the best it's been in five years for YOU, your boyfriend (not being all that educated on the topic) experiences it much worse. Obviously it's your life, you should do what you want, but I think you'd both benefit by just recollecting yourselves and getting your bearings. Sometimes it's good for couples (even in really healthy relationships) to just breathe for a bit. Either way, I do agree you still need to have a talk with him about what exactly depression is, and how it affects people including yourself. Communication is key. I hope this helps :) Feel free to drop me a PM if you want to talk.

[IAMWILL]

You don't have to have a boyfriend, that is an option. If it doesn't work it doesn't work. You two are opposites, and thats that.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

We're not oppisites.
It kind of bugs me that I come on here and all anyone has to suggest is that we break up.
Relationships are about working to fix problems together, not run when it gets tough.

He texted me today saying I've been being a dick latley i'm going to start sucking it up.

When I said earlier that we've been through a lot together, I mean it.
We contracted an STD from each other but luckly enough we're happy with spending our lives together, so we are going to.

[Art_dude]

"We're not oppisites. It kind of bugs me that I come on here and all anyone has to suggest is that we break up. Relationships are about working to fix problems together, not run when it gets tough."

If you came here for advice (which I'm guessing you did seeing as you posted here) then this is what you'll get: advice. Sometimes it's not always gonna be what you want to hear. We're trying to help you, not spite you. Breaking up, or going ON A BREAK for that matter doesn't mean you're running away from relationship issues. It means you're taking a personal initiative to remove yourself from a toxic relationship. Like I said, sometimes having a little space helps a couple recollect their thoughts and make their love even stronger. "running" doesn't have to be out of fear of things getting tough. It's knowing what's best for both people. And sometimes that can end up in a stronger relationship.

It sounds like you do indeed have a lot of history together and you're very close. I personally think a BREAK (NOT a break-up) would help some, but if you don't feel like doing that which you've made clear, then I will reiterate the strength of what you've said - talk to him about depression and re-educate him on what exactly it is you're feeling. Communication is so underrated! It sounds like you've recognized that maybe you were being a little dick-ish and are now sucking it up a little bit. I think that's a great step forward. Relationships are a two way street and require change from both people. The solution is not a one source formula. It's gonna take a lot change and effor from both people.