love hurts

[Asylum]

i think i'm falling for you
falling so softly
love hurts
i'm afraid to love again
afraid to feel
afraid of getting hurt again
however life is full of risks and chances
i must live life
i must take risks and jumps
if i fall, i fall
i just pick myself back up
now that i know this
i am ready to let myself fall for you

[Fruit_Tart.]

AAAWWWW!!! i LOVE this! <3 <3 <3... it gets three hearts!!!

[Asylum]

aww thank you Ryan :)

[Marcie]

Aww I like this :-) it's really pretty.
I envy your skills :P

[Asylum]

aww thank Benjie :)

[Marcie]

You are very welcome :-)

[Sith Lord 13]

I love this poem. Love hurts, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. Or at least, that's what they tell me. :)

[Music.]

i liked this poem :) love does hurt..

[Asylum]

very true Sith love is worth it, and thank you for your comment. thank you too Tom :)

[Shadoukun]

im just going to write like this with no commas or grammar and hope it works


Seriously, what is this?

[Cosmic]

I like the ending and I definitely think you've got some potential with this piece as this idea of reserved love is one many can relate to. However I can't help but feel the distinct lack of punctuation (albeit an apostrophe or two, and one comma) really ruins the piece as a whole. It's important you utilise punctuation to bring emphasis to key words and phrases which really drill the message of the poem into the reader's head, and instead I find myself more concerned about oxygen starvation than what you've written.

I also feel you've got a few redundancies and unnecessary repetition, most notably:

if i fall, i fall

So the fact you fall doesn't matter in any way other than that you've no longer standing up? So why bring it into the poem? I can't help but think this is unnecessary and brings nothing to your poem.

Also, the introduction of your main concept (love being an often painful experience) came in at a rather inappropriate and random time (probably not helped by a lack of punctuation):

i think i'm falling for you
falling so softly
love hurts

Can you see why that appears so random and nonsensical? Try and bring your thoughts into a coherent process rather than allowing them to become jumbled, because to the outside reader I'm seeing someone mixed up and not entirely sure on how to express themselves.

Hope I've helped a little!

[Asylum]

thank you Cosmic i'll work on it. and thanx Shoudukun