hallucinations and other problems

[Asylum]

so yesterday i had a really bad hallucination. i had an anxiety attack and was crying a lot and it made my make up run leaving black running down my face. in the mirror i didn't recognize myself. i saw not me, i was convinced it was a demon or something because i had like really dark looking make up on and was wearing all black. so.. i got scared. i went numb when i looked into the mirror making it all seem really real. so thinking somoene or somehting evil was trying to take over my body i cut myself a lot to feel again and to bring myself out of thaT. this hallucination was brought on by my mother because she was discussing how i was letting Satan into my life through the music i listen to, the way i dress, anything and everything, she'd just relate it to evil.... so during my anxiety attack i guess i kind of took that and created it into reality. this isn't the first time i have hallucinated.... and i sort of need advice to make it go away... does anyone have any helpful tips?
another hallucination i have quite often is dark shadow figures coming at me... there is a lot of them.


when i get an anxiety attack i hear a high pitch noise almost like a buzzing noise but out of a computer or recording device, gosh i'm horrible at decribing thigns... does nayone else hear soemthign similar? i asked a doctor about this and he had said that he'd check my blood pressure next time it happens but its nothign to worry aobut... is it somethign to worrry about?

[Zephyr]

This sort of thing used to happen all the time when my dad would constantly criticize me in a crude manner.

Have you considered talking to your mum about the way she talks about you? Sometimes parents say things and don't realize just how hurtful they can be, especially when it attacks your personality, likes and interests. Sometimes the things people say can trigger things like this when you're not in the greatest mental state in the first place. Bring up how her talking down at you effects you, and perhaps she can say it in a less offensive manner from now on at least.

[Asylum]

thank you Stephanie for your response. i have tried talking about it to her in the past... but it doens't work more of an i'm not the bad guy here... you are sort of thing... which creates more drama...

[derkderpderp]

Hey,i think i undestand how you feel,i get the same kinda episodes where i believe im something naturally wrong,something possessed after im criticised by family for my interests and music,and how i dress.it sucks,its led me to do some stupid acts of self harm.
Its left me feeling vulnerable,like if somebody else said something else to criticise me id just die,i made pacts with myself like-'one more thing and im just going to do it,and rid them of me'.but ive learnt ways of understanding/attempting to control what i see in my 'episodes',id write down what i remember seeing and what i was feeling,and id read it over and over,to make it seem less harmful,less evil,id draw what i thought and felt i looked like during my self hate hallucinations,its my way of coming to terms with it,trying to make it seem funny,but coming to terms with it.
What you have to do,or try to do,is occupy yourself.draw,read,write whatever,keep your mind off the feelings and thoughts that affect you most,but dont bottle them up.it may seem kinda childish but i was told by my psychiatrist to try this-write down the feelings and images,using as many visually descriptive words/phrases (words/phrases that make you 'see' what you see,but not a hallucination.basically anything that helps you remember what you were feeling and seeing)and make 'fun' out of it.i.e 'i mustve looked like a clown,or a cat on lsd etc'i.e meld the feelings and images with humour so the next time you hallucinate its not as bad,you can assert control by implementing humour etc.

I know this all sounds confusing,but its important to keep busy and vent.
And pm me if you have any questions,or if you would like to talk at all.

oh and that high pitched whine i get when i concentrate too hard,as far as i know lotsa people get it?

[Asylum]

thank you so much Habib :) i will try this. this seems like it might actually work, yay!

[derkderpderp]

no problem,hope it works for you!eep!