i desrved it all

[ShatteredWings]

deserved to be hit. i was a bad child. they needed to hit me beat me around or else how else do you get a five year old who wants nothing more than to please everyone to behave right?

when they say im stupid that im not good enough theyre just being honest. its not like ill amount to nothing.

its my fault they hit them too i didnt do enough to protect them and n ow theres nothing i can do because they re too 'good' to not leave enough physical bruses ibut they re leaving emotional scars that will last for life and its my fault
its all my fault

obviously i deserved it when i had older boys trying to get a hold of me of course i did i was too provocative at 12 and i should have been better at hiding my body
i shouldn't have been swimming that's just asking for problems

if i didn't want him to touch me i should have swam faster been with the other people my speed but i didn't i slacked in practices.
it was stupid to try to tell anyone about that
hes younger than me that makes it my fa ult. of course. because the older one is always the abuser...

but i deserve that. i deserve d it because its obvious im queer and don't deserve to be treated like a human being and its supposed to fix me to do stuff liek that except he did it in front of people and he hit me before that too and no one believed me even tho everyone saw it.

shouldn't be living here anyway should just take dads advice and leave the house pack up and go
no matter that i cant drive and have no where to stay right yet
i was already a mistake and that no one wants me so why don't i just leave no?


im shaking too much to be normal i haven't spilled this much in a long time it in someways feels better but its all my fucking fault it shouldn't matter anyway.

i wont be having closure until they're dead.
most of em wont be dead till i am too.

ripped open the wounds.
sorry you read this all.

[spell checked, may still have errors]

please dont quote the whole post

[Obscene Eyedeas]

Kyle it was never your fault life can be cruel that's just the way it is and you know what Fuck them if they don't believe you and punish and abuse you let them pay for their crimes when the time comes. but don't walk away from your future over them they aren't worth it. your my friend and ill tell you here and now your sweet and protective and always willing to help me you deserved none of that your an amazing person. so you know what ignore them. us me and dylan and many more we love you and we're your real family who care and we always will Hun :hug:

[DarkWingedAngel]

All im gonna say right now is It's is not your fault.
I will talk to you about this on msn when I get back.

[ShatteredWings]

sure i did
i was bad. no matter how much i wanted to be good i was always bad so i deserved to be hit they needed to smack me around a few bruses
who cares if its made of wood, if it goes in shoes whatever. it got me to be good.
they say im makign up lies when i tried to tell someone a few years ago they just said i was lying that i wanted pitty that i was trying to ruin the family

im a slut
of cousre they should have done what they did.

[Obscene Eyedeas]

You didn't kyle. all you wanted to do was be good you Did your best that's all that can be asked. you didn't deserve how they treated you

[ShatteredWings]

All im gonna say right now is It's is not your fault.
I will talk to you about this on msn when I get back.

im sorry you had to read this

[DarkWingedAngel]

;848581']im sorry you had to read this
no need to be

[Thrash Bassist]

It was not your fault. Don't hold on to those things, they are terrible memories, you have to let them go and say "F*ck you!".
I am sorry this happened to you, people are such assholes.

[ShatteredWings]

sure I did. I'm too blunt, too defiant.

They would have never done anything if I was the quiet normal little 'girl' they wanted who knew her place in life knew she isnt allowed to be strong or brave.

No one would have touched me had I been normal, not a freak, not one of 'those' people who are hated in this area because we're all goin to hell and shit.


Blah blah.

Sure, in front of everyone else i'm strong. Hell, I scare people. Hold myself up, no one would guess i've ever been hurt or ever could be.
But at home, it's another story. Wanting to do something at all different was bad, trying to be myself was wrong.


You just Don't Know, even if you're friends, even if you're close. You Don't Know what someone's been through

[pixie1234]

NO ONE. absolutly NO ONE deserves this. you did nothing wrong the fact that you think you are in the wrong makes me wanna go and yell at all those who made you think that. YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS!!!! xx

[Thrash Bassist]

;849348']sure I did. I'm too blunt, too defiant.

They would have never done anything if I was the quiet normal little 'girl' they wanted who knew her place in life knew she isnt allowed to be strong or brave.

No one would have touched me had I been normal, not a freak, not one of 'those' people who are hated in this area because we're all goin to hell and shit.


Blah blah.

Sure, in front of everyone else i'm strong. Hell, I scare people. Hold myself up, no one would guess i've ever been hurt or ever could be.
But at home, it's another story. Wanting to do something at all different was bad, trying to be myself was wrong.


You just Don't Know, even if you're friends, even if you're close. You Don't Know what someone's been through

You never know what someone has been through.
There is an old saying; "Don't judge someone unless you've walked a mile in their shoes"

Be yourself, don't let anybody break you, don't let anybody bring you down, you are a strong, and awesome person.

You have a lot of people on here that care about you and you have a lot of people here for you.

[DarkWingedAngel]

You never know what someone has been through.
There is an old saying; "Don't judge someone unless you've walked a mile in their shoes"

Be yourself, don't let anybody break you, don't let anybody bring you down, you are a strong, and awesome person.

You have a lot of people on here that care about you and you have a lot of people here for you.
THIS
kid speaks the truth

[Skeletal-Chic]

You have done nothing wrong. It is not your fault and you are a beautiful person! Never ever let anyone make you believe otherwise because you are so god damn special and wonderful!. *hugs* I know I've never spoken to you before but I've read your post and can tell that you are a compassionate and kind and GOOD person.

[Asylum]

it isn't your fault any of that happened... you were victim.. you didn't deserve any of that.... life is cruel man... life is cruel, and i'm so sorry that all happened to you... *hugs* maybe you should see a counsler to talk about what happened?? or call social services get you away from everyone you know, start new? and your not a slut... don't listen to what people tell you... i know they have probably said thigns like htat to you... odn't listen to them... forget them they are trying to blame you for what happend. similar situations have happened to me where it's my fault that they are angry and htey hurt me, it's my fault i was sexually abused, the abuser doesn't want the guilt... so of course because he can't be wrong who will he/she blame, the vicitm, this is just my theory of ti. and for the most part i see it as true. however there are some cases where the abuser see he/she is wrong and apologizes, or dones't apologize but just acconloges it. anyway back to the point... it's not your fault. when thye say those things and do those things they are trying to bring you down and hurt you. i know how hard it is to ignore it, trust me i do.... but you have to try. don't listen to them. thye arne't worth listening to. holding onto it will hurt you more then it's worht... try to erase it from your mind. i'm so sorry this happened to you and you can PM me anytime you ever need someone to tlak to.

[Charleigh]

its not your fault

[Wonder.]

Nobody deserves abuse. Nobody. You haven't done anything wrong by being different. Everyone's different. Don't listen to other people who say you did deserve this. Listen to yourself and hopefully realize how insane that sounds. Listen to me and the rest of VT. You did nothing wrong. I may not know you or your life but to think like this is crazy. You know you didn't deserve it. You know that you did nothing wrong. Just hold on and think. Think about everything and give me one good reason why you deserved it.

[Nickk XD]

It's great that you expressed your self in such a manner here. This is the perfect place to do it!

I, too, was hit as a kid...but my dad eventually realized I was bigger than him...

No one ever deserves to be hit...you aren't different in any way because you're gay...you just like the same sex. It's like my brother, he's deaf. People always give him shit sometimes. We make a huge point that he can perform as well as anyone else...his only difference is that he can't hear.

If you need to spill more, do so on the forum or PM a trusted user.

[DayBreakArt]

Never feel that it was your fault. Far from it really. You were trying. They weren't. You were the victim. It was not your fault at all love.

[AUS-MAK]

its not your fault!

[1_21Guns]

Kyle hun, none of that is ever your fault.
Not one part of it.
the abuse that you have been through couldn't of been helped, you were 5 years old, what did you know? you were just 5 years old. a child, an innocent child.
your not stupid, i got told that for years too, i even believed it then tried to kill myself because of it, only to realise that it was just something said to get at me.
so what, your queer, anyone who has a problem is homophobic and seriously needs to open thier eyes and see that this is the way it is, nothings changing it.
you are who you are, if your comfortable with it, then forget what those people say.
nobody is anybody to tell you what to do with your life, tell you who to be.
anyone that does, isn't a good enough person to accept you.
PM me if you want to talk, and just one more time.
it's not your fault, nobody deserves what you have been through, nobody.

[SmileyGirl]

dude its not ur fault! even if you were bad they had no right to beat you or call you stupid or any of that other stuff they did.
i cant really relate but im a good listener. Pm me if you need to talk.

[YouKnowWho]

It's not your fault. It never was your fault. And it will never be your fault.

You are much too beautiful to amount to nothing. You are something, you are someone.

No one can take that from you.

<3

Rock the world and leave them in the dust!