Counseling Ideas

[joshm]

My friend doesn't want to go to a counseling so I told her I'm going to counsel her and try help her stop overall cutting herself. She accepted my help and I know this won't be easy.

I'm asking for ideas on how I can help her not cut herself, like ways to let out stress and sadness in other ways. Plus anything else that might come at me would be helpful.

[Asylum]

personally for me:
glass of ice cold water on my head is perfect distraction
when i'm angry
punch scream pillow
exercise
play happy music
run
do crunches

want to feel pain
hold ice cubes
freeze and orange and squeeze
rubber band flick it against wrist (woulnd't suggest this this can cause urges)

want to see blood
ketchup
food coloring
marker
drawling on yourself on places you want to see it

sad
listen to happy music
call a friend
eat choclate

NO DEPRESSING UNHAPPY MUSIC LISTEN TO HAPPY MUSIC


Quote:
Originally Posted by Heather
So what do I do instead?
Many people try substitute activities as described above and report that sometimes they work, sometimes not. One way to increase the chances of a distraction/substitution helping calm the urge to harm is to match what you do to how you are feeling at the moment.

First, take a few moments and look behind the urge. What are you feeling? Are you angry? Frustrated? Restless? Sad? Craving the feeling of SI? Depersonalized and unreal or numb? Unfocused?

Next, match the activity to the feeling. A few examples:

angry, frustrated, restless
Try something physical and violent, something not directed at a living thing:
Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock.
Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at. Cut and tear it instead of yourself.
Flatten aluminum cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go.
Hit a punching bag.
Use a pillow to hit a wall, pillow-fight style.
Rip up an old newspaper or phone book.
On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture.
Make Play-Doh or Sculpey or other clay models and cut or smash them.
Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it.
Break sticks.
I've found that these things work even better if I rant at the thing I am cutting/tearing/hitting. I start out slowly, explaining why I am hurt and angry, but sometimes end up swearing and crying and yelling. It helps a lot to vent like that.
Crank up the music and dance.
Clean your room (or your whole house).
Go for a walk/jog/run.
Stomp around in heavy shoes.
Play handball or tennis.
sad, soft, melancholy, depressed, unhappy
Do something slow and soothing, like taking a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles, curling up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book, babying yourself somehow. Do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted. Light sweet-smelling incense. Listen to soothing music. Smooth nice body lotion into the parts or yourself you want to hurt. Call a friend and just talk about things that you like. Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read. Visit a friend.
craving sensation, feeling depersonalized, dissociating, feeling unreal
Do something that creates a sharp physical sensation:
Squeeze ice hard (this really hurts). (Note: putting ice on a spot you want to burn gives you a strong painful sensation and leaves a red mark afterward, kind of like burning would.)
Put a finger into a frozen food (like ice cream) for a minute.
Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root.
Rub liniment under your nose.
Slap a tabletop hard.
Snap your wrist with a rubber band.
Take a cold bath.
Stomp your feet on the ground.
Focus on how it feels to breathe. Notice the way your chest and stomach move with each breath.
[NOTE: Some people report that being online while dissociating increases their sense of unreality; be cautious about logging on in a dissociative state until you know how it affects you.]
wanting focus
Do a task (a computer game like tetris or minesweeper, writing a computer program, needlework, etc) that is exacting and requires focus and concentration.
Eat a raisin mindfully. Pick it up, noticing how it feels in your hand. Look at it carefully; see the asymmetries and think about the changes the grape went through. Roll the raisin in your fingers and notice the texture; try to describe it. Bring the raisin up to your mouth, paying attention to how it feels to move your hand that way. Smell the raisin; what does it remind you of? How does a raisin smell? Notice that you're beginning to salivate, and see how that feels. Open your mouth and put the raisin in, taking time to think about how the raisin feels to your tongue. Chew slowly, noticing how the texture and even the taste of the raisin change as you chew it. Are there little seeds or stems? How is the inside different from the outside? Finally, swallow.
Choose an object in the room. Examine it carefully and then write as detailed a description of it as you can. Include everything: size, weight, texture, shape, color, possible uses, feel, etc.
Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it.
Pick a subject and research it on the web.
Try some of the games and distractions at digibeet's page; she's assembled a lot of distractions.
wanting to see blood
Draw on yourself with a red felt-tip pen.
Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.
Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you've made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells.
Paint yourself with red tempera paint.
wanting to see scars or pick scabs
Get a henna tattoo kit. You put the henna on as a paste and leave it overnight; the next day you can pick it off as you would a scab and it leaves an orange-red mark behind.
Another thing that helps sometimes is the fifteen-minute game. Tell yourself that if you still want to harm yourself in 15 minutes, you can. When the time is up, see if you can go another 15. I've been able to get through a whole night that way before.
From...http://palace.net/~llama/psych/self.html#match

Quote:
Originally Posted by dying lullaby
1. Call some one you know you can talk to and talk about your feelings. It's bad to hold them inside.
2. Bite on something malleable (something close to the feel of skin).
3. Remember that some one loves you (if you cant think of anyone who would love you think of me).
4. Kick something.
5. Scream as loud as you can. No holding back!
6. Eat your favorite food.
7. Watch your favorite TV show or a comedy.
8. Think of something hilarious and laugh your head off (even if afterward you feel stupid just laugh!).
9. Cuddle with your favorite stuffed animal.
10. Buy a cheap pillow and take all your anger/emotion out on it.
11. Surf the web ( look at some funny sites).
12. Listen to music (not angry music).
13. Make weird faces at yourself in the mirror until your face hurts and then laugh at how funny you looked.
14. Listen to other peoples problems and try to help them (sometimes it makes your problem seem like just one rain drop on your windshield where as before it seemed like millions).
15. Think of ways to get out of your next test in school.
16. Every time you lose blood think of your blood being the one in the world you love more than any thing else (I doubt you wanna lose them).
17. Think of ways to eliminate your angry/fear/depression/or whatever it is that makes you cut.
18. Write a journal instead of bleeding blood bleed the words you want to say but never could except inside your head.
19. Go to websites like this and look for things like this just to keep you occupied and prepared for the next time you have an urge thats too unbearable to withstand.
20. Draw on yourself with red washable marker (looks like blood).
21. Put warm red colored water on where ever you want to SI (makes it look and feel like blood).
22. Talk to a complete stranger and tell them your secrets just to get them off your chest.
23. Snap a rubber band against your wrist.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jono
This is a list of 12 things that might help you get past the urge to hurt. Bear in mind that some of these may seem too hard when you're really severely depressed, but if just one of them is something you can do, it'll help.

1. Do something for someone -- a child, a friend, a partner.
2. Do something for yourself -- a haircut, new clothes, a massage.
3. Do something for your home -- garden, plant a tree, put on some cool music and clean your closet or a drawer.
4. Have eight people to dinner. Use your good china and best recipes.
5. Take three upbeat friends to lunch. (If you're as broke as I am, just go to lunch with three upbeat friends, or even make it a picnic.)
6. Plan a vacation. You can even make it your dream vacation; for right now, the planning counts more than the execution.
7. Exercise -- swim, dance, jog, walk.
8. Do volunteer work somewhere. Amazingly, being a crisis counselor helped me get through some rough times (and it built good feelings about myself).
9. Follow the AA formula of HALT -- take action to avoid being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
10. Talk to someone you trust. Join the self-harm list, and post. It's an invaluable resource.
11. Join a club or take a course.
12. Sing along to the radio -- even if you "know" you can't sing. do it as loudly as possible when no one's around.

List adapted from Kathy Cronkite's book, On the Edge of Darkness: Conversations about conquering depression.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackness_chic
151 Things To do Before You Self-Injure

1. Exercise - running etc.
2. Putting on fake tattoos
3. Drawing on yourself in red marker (make sure it's washable!)
4. Scribbling on sheets an sheets of paper
5. Writing (poetry, stories, journal, etc.)
6. Cuddling with a stuffed toy
7. Being with other people
8. Watching a favorite TV show (preferably a comedy)
9. Posting on web boards, and answering others' posts
10. Thinking about how I DON'T want scars for the summer
11. Painting your nails
12. Going to see a movie
13. Eating something ridiculously sweet (or any favorite food)
14. Doing school work
15. Surf the net
16. Go into chat rooms to talk
17. Call a friend and ask for company
18. Playing a musical instrument
19. Singing
20. Looking up at the sky (night is especially beautiful)
21. Making your own list of things to do instead of SI
22. Punching a punching bad (with gloves on)
23. Snapping a rubber band on your wrist (or hair band)
24. Cover yourself with band-aids where you want to cut
25. Mix warm water and red food coloring, and put in on your skin (feels and looks like blood)
26. Letting yourself cry (can be very difficult for some)
27. Sleep (only if you are tired)
28. A hot shower, or relaxing bath (no razors in the tub, though)
29. Play with a pet
30. Detangling yarn or necklaces
31. Re-organizing your room
32. Cleaning (hmmm...I very rarely use this one!)
33. Having a pillow fight with the wall (yes, neighbors may think you are crazy, but that's OK)
34. Knitting or sewing
35. Reading a good book
36. Dressing up very glamorous (make sure no one can walk in on you, though)
37. Coloring your hair
38. Listening to music (not angry music though-that can trigger)
39. Watching a candle burn (no playing with the flames!)
40. Finding someone else you can help out
41. Meditate
42. Watching a scary (but not bloody) movie.
43. Work on a website
44. Have a vivid fantasy love affair with a celebrity
45. Go somewhere very public
46. Bake cookies
47. Alphabetize your CDs
48. Chewing leather (especially if you SI by biting)
49. Buy a home Henna tattoo kit (peels off the next day-similar to skin picking)
50. Painting or drawing
51. Ripping paper into itty-bitty pieces
52. Hugs-(this one is very nice...)
53. Writing letters or email
54. Talk to yourself (or if that feels weird, buy a small tape recorder-I then feel like someone is listening)
55. Stroke nice fabrics
56. Hug a pillow
57. Hyper focus on something like a rock, hand, etc.
58. Fingerprint
59. Scream real loud (I LOVE this one-just make sure no one is home)
60. Dance
61. Make hot chocolate (mmmmm....)
62. pop bubble wrap
63. play with modeling clay or Play-Dough
64. count to one hundred
65. Build a pillow fort
66. pop balloons
67. Hug yourself
68. Shoot hoops, hit a volleyball against the wall etc.
69. Reading things in a different language
70) Going for a nice, long drive
71) Complete something you've been putting off
72) Drinking absurd amounts of tea
73) Breaking plastic plates
74) Tearing up socks
75) Throwing socks against the wall
76) Archery
77) Rock climbing
78) Take up a new hobby
79) Organize bills and such
80) Cook a meal
81) Go out for ice cream
82) Buy a stuffed animal (I collect Beanie Babies)
83) Look at pretty things-like flowers or artwork
84) Create Something
85) Pray
86) Trow socks against the wall
87) Make a list of blessings in your life
88) Read the Bible
89) Go to a friend's house
90) Take up fencing
91) Watch an old, happy movie
92) Call a Help hot line or your Therapist
93) Talk to someone close to you that knows
94) Throw a temper-tantrum
95) Hit things-other than yourself
96) Ride a bicycle
97) Polish silver or jewelery
98) Gardening or watering house plants
99) Memorizing German poetry (silly, but works!)
100) CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!
101) Feed the ducks or birds or squirrels, etc.
102) Draw on the walls
103) Play with face paint
104) Do very glamorous make-up
105) Color with crayons
106) Memorize a novel or play or song
107) Put on boots and STAMP
108) Stretch
109) Find butterflies
110) Watch fish
111) Come up with baby names (even if you're not pregnant
112) Make mashed potatoes
113) Make a tape of your favorite songs
114) Name all of your stuffed animals
115) Go SHOPPING!!!!
116) Get into my PJ's and just veg.
117) Buy cheap teddy bears and take out anger on them instead of self.
118) Throw everything (except glass) into the center
119) Go to a loud concert
120) Play the 15 minute game (say you can't cut for 15 minutes, and when the time is up, start again)
121) Plan your wedding / prom
122) Hunt for stuff on eBay (you can find ANYTHING there)
123) Alphabetize your books
124) Hunt for your perfect home in the paper
125) Take up Tai Chi
126) Try to make as many words out of your full name as possible, then do your friends names)
127) count ceiling tiles/lights
128) go clubbing
129) search ridiculous things on the web
130) Color coordinate your wardrobe
131) do a home tan on yourself
132) sort all your photographs
133) colour (or scribble) over the pretty women in magazines
134) plan a dinner party
135) play with a slinky
136) but yourself some toys and play
137) start collecting something
138) get a tattoo / piercing
139) play video/computer games
140) do a trash clean at your local park
141) Play on a swing set
142) go out and perform a random act of kindness for someone
143) call up an old friend
144) write yourself an "I love you because" letter
145) put on fake nails
145) try to build something
146) re-arrange your house
147) go to a public place and people watch
148) go through all your old stuff
149) go bargain - hunting
150) smile at at least five people (you usually end up smiling genuinely yourself.)
151) go to the zoo and rename all the animals.

hope this helps :)

[Aspiringanonymous]

Sometimes the best support one can offer, is to be there for the person, and talk to them - keeping the conversation going so that they are not left alone to succumb to the urges.

There are many alternatives to try out, activities which serve as distractions and non-harmful method of releasing emotion - creative expression, going out for a run, listening to music, even things like taking a red marker and drawing lines on oneself. These are only a few of the more common examples, but there are many, many more.

Read through some of the threads in this forum, also. Perhaps they can offer additional insight.

In counselling, one is encouraged to be open about their concerns, and take initiative for oneself towards better understanding and coping with them. Counsellors offer a safe place for discussing confidential and sensitive matters - though, in the professional setting, it is much more about listening than actively giving advice according to one's own personal views.

She is your friend, so you will have gained a good amount of her trust already. You have to determine for yourself, what the best approach towards helping her would be as a trusted friend. It is all part of the learning process.

Best of luck with everything.

[Amyxoxo]

I don't want to be mean because I know that your trying to help.
Tbh the only thing that you can offer her is your ear and some advise.
You will not be able to council her as people train for years to do that.
As I said just be there for her to talk to.