Obscene Eyedeas
March 31st, 2010, 02:40 PM
Alone. Cast aside like i meant nothing to you. Your cruel smile, echoes of history long forgotten to those in todays society. You are merciless in your assault and i was but an orderly in your mind games. I held no true value and yet i suffered all the consequences. What was i to you? You used me, acted like you had no choice but i know better now. Everytime you saw the scarlet river running down my arms you smiled to yourself, your cruelty reaches profound levels i never knew existed. You have no heart, you proved that when you let the cruelty continue. We were both kids and you the adult, your twisted mind games make me shiver at night. When alone i remember the deeds you had me do back then and thats when i turn to the blade. Look what you have done to me. You have made me turn towards the jaws of an addiction i can never overcome for your own sadistic pleasure. When the blade kisses my skin and becomes one with my blood i feel the relief and happiness i long for and when the deed is done and the scarlet river runs down my arm, i collapse into tears and it tears at my soul this is not happiness. You have made me like this, made me in your image and this too was part of your mind game. Tell me my leader, was this also planned. I am the only one of your servants to survive all these years and now that i am finally free i cannot help but see the irony here. I am free of you now but slave to the blade, to the pain and blood it brings, my self hatred grows deeper everyday as my understanding deepens of the damage you have wreaked. When i lie awake at night, too scared to sleep, too scared to visit the memories i have, I see your sadistic smile. I see what people on the outside see a lovely bubbly women of grace and prosperity but to me and to those you have hurt we see your darkest secrets and not the facade you deign to show all others. I wish you were long gone back in the history books in the era you truly belonged to. You ruined everything for so many and it makes you happy. So my sadistic queen who is next for you never will leave me be I know it like i know my own name or at least the name you have given me. I bow to you because i am not strong and hopefully someday this pain will end with your withered demise into a grave you shall not resurface from