So much for that..

[Marcie]

So much for my promise to myself not to do it anymore...
I failed on Sunday.. 65 moderatly deep on my ankle..
It suck.. I though I could do it.. but apperently I'm not quite that strong..

[Asylum]

don't give up, pick yourself up and start over, clean slate,you are strong... you can do it.. don't give up... iknow you Ben, i know how you are, your stronger then it... you can fight this.. you don't need this anymroe... call me when you want to... i'm always here for you, you know that

[Marcie]

don't give up, pick yourself up and start over, clean slate,you are strong... you can do it.. don't give up... iknow you Ben, i know how you are, your stronger then it... you can fight this.. you don't need this anymroe... call me when you want to... i'm always here for you, you know that

you're not there past 11, and that's normally when I need help.

[Asylum]

i wish i could be... do what you told me, write a letter.. there are lots of ways to distract thyself that i sent you.

[Marcie]

i wish i could be... do what you told me, write a letter.. there are lots of ways to distract thyself that i sent you.

Writing a letter doesn't really work for me. (I've tried many times)
most of those things I can't really do at 1AM.. I think there were only about 10 that I could actually do and those were ones that don't really work.

[Asylum]

i don't mean this to be mean... hun you need help... like i said i'll get it for you if you wnat it... i can talk to my guidance councler today if you wnat... she can make a few calls and you get help, and if you want a new family... or if you want one and not the other... she can do that too.. but it's your choice i'm not presurring you to get you to do anything you don't want to do... you od't like the situation your in change it, don't kill yoursefl or harm yourself because of it...

[Marcie]

i don't mean this to be mean... hun you need help... like i said i'll get it for you if you wnat it... i can talk to my guidance councler today if you wnat... she can make a few calls and you get help, and if you want a new family... or if you want one and not the other... she can do that too.. but it's your choice i'm not presurring you to get you to do anything you don't want to do... you od't like the situation your in change it, don't kill yoursefl or harm yourself because of it...
I know I need help. I can't pay for it..

[Atonement]

So, this is going to come across harsh, but, its what I think.

You're depending on other people to keep yourself safe. I know its hard. Hell, I've been there. I've been up till 4 am just waiting for people to leave me so I wouldn't feel bad to cut. And its self sabotage. Its a vicious cycle of safety and dependancy which won't end until you decide it will. Ultimately, we choose to self harm. We do. Nothing else can MAKE us self harm. When you decide you want to stop, you will be on your way. Now, we all screw up. We make mistakes because we are not perfect and you will fail at times. But you need to do this for yourself. When you need other people to stop you, you're doing it for them, not yourself. Now, if you don't have the money to afford treatment, I find that hard to believe. Mental health is just as important if you had pneumonia or a deadly disease. By statistics, suicide kills more people than any other disease. At the rate you're going, you will get seriously hurt. You're just setting yourself up for failure. If you could afford treatment for a disease, you can afford treatment for mental health. But, ultimately, its your choice. Take your health into your hands and do what you need for yourself.

Now, I hope this didn't come across as offensive, but I hope you take it to heart to help yourself and get through this safely.

[Lemonlover934]

i am sorry to hear that you cut again. But just try and pick yourself up and try again, theres not much else you can do, just try and stay strong. Good luck with everything xx

[Marcie]

So, this is going to come across harsh, but, its what I think.

You're depending on other people to keep yourself safe. I know its hard. Hell, I've been there. I've been up till 4 am just waiting for people to leave me so I wouldn't feel bad to cut. And its self sabotage. Its a vicious cycle of safety and dependancy which won't end until you decide it will. Ultimately, we choose to self harm. We do. Nothing else can MAKE us self harm. When you decide you want to stop, you will be on your way. Now, we all screw up. We make mistakes because we are not perfect and you will fail at times. But you need to do this for yourself. When you need other people to stop you, you're doing it for them, not yourself. Now, if you don't have the money to afford treatment, I find that hard to believe. Mental health is just as important if you had pneumonia or a deadly disease. By statistics, suicide kills more people than any other disease. At the rate you're going, you will get seriously hurt. You're just setting yourself up for failure. If you could afford treatment for a disease, you can afford treatment for mental health. But, ultimately, its your choice. Take your health into your hands and do what you need for yourself.

Now, I hope this didn't come across as offensive, but I hope you take it to heart to help yourself and get through this safely.

I'm well aware that we choose to self harm, I'm not saying that we don't have a choice. I did decide to stop.. (see here) (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=67396) I don't personally have the money, and my parents wouldn't pay for it before, when the cutting/burning was much worse. I wasn't setting myself up for failure, I really did believe that I could end it right then and there.

[Asylum]

no i'm sure they would have to pay if you didn't have the money, and you got put admitted into a mental hospital... they'd have to pay... i'm not saying you should be locked up... i'm saying its a way to get help... if you want i can have someone admit you....


thnk of wht you'll miss.... the future... all your talents, your a great musician you tech savvy, you a genuis at maht, your a great artist, a wonderful person... think of how much your death would affect you family an friends... like seiorusly.. things get bad before they get better, you must be patient. you believe in God nd Jesus, the havn'et abandoned you... thy are with you Ben... even in your darkest hours... and they won't let yu suffer forever... life isn't full of just suffering... look at all the good you had... and stil have.. look at your future!!!! don't just throw it all away becuse you dwell on the past.... Skrew the past!!!! it's the past... move on look at the future.

[Marcie]

no i'm sure they would have to pay if you didn't have the money, and you got put admitted into a mental hospital... they'd have to pay... i'm not saying you should be locked up... i'm saying its a way to get help... if you want i can have someone admit you....
hmm, maybe, I'll think about that..

[Asylum]

alright :)