rockabye baby
March 13th, 2010, 08:07 AM
Okay so I’m just going to ramble on here but I really hope this helps. When I was thirteen I started self harming myself, I know it’s not long ago since I was thirteen but it’s been a year and just over a month since I started, I still am self harming at the moment, it’s like my security blanket. When ever anything in my life turned out bad I would go into my bedroom or bathroom and get either a razor blade or I would use my nails to scratch my wrists. I don’t go to that extreme anymore I usually use rubber bands or my nails still, I wish I didn’t but I fell into the pattern of it, it has become like any everyday thing for me.
My mum found me around a month ago unconscious on the bathroom floor with a razor blade in my hand, and blood running down my wrists and neck, I had tried to kill myself, I knew what I was doing, I was having a mental break down, everything in my life I felt was going wrong and I wanted to kill myself to fix it, but I promise you trying to kill yourself isn’t big or fun. It hurts you physically and emotionally and it also effects everybody else in your life. Things in my life that I felt were going wrong were that a boy I really like and still do, told me he loved me, later on he then said that he didn’t want to risk our friendship and moved onto another girl, I cried myself most nights after that, and resulted to more dangerous self harming. Now I am recovering from that and he has recently told me that he made a stupid mistake for what he did and I believe him and were working on creating a relationship together.
I don’t know why I’m writing this blog, I just feel that if my story of what happened to me can help someone then I should, because I know how everyone who self harms feel, it’s the worst feeling in the world and after a while you become dependant on it. It starts off as maybe a couple of times a month to once or more times a day. I really hope that people who read this will see what self harming can do, and how badly it can affect your life, and others. I have lost my friend to self harming and an over dose of antibiotics. I miss him like hell and I wish he didn’t do what he did, and I had to watch him die in his final hours, the pain on his face was unbearable, in his final hours he didn’t want to go through the pain he did, and he wished he didn’t self harm in the first place but he did.
So I really hope this helps someone because I don’t want anyone to go through the same thing I did or my friend.
And remember that everybody deserves to life and is worth it no matter what anybody else says.
If anyone needs to talk you can always talk to me, I’m always here to listen and give help to people who need it, no matter how much they think it’s pathetic.
My mum found me around a month ago unconscious on the bathroom floor with a razor blade in my hand, and blood running down my wrists and neck, I had tried to kill myself, I knew what I was doing, I was having a mental break down, everything in my life I felt was going wrong and I wanted to kill myself to fix it, but I promise you trying to kill yourself isn’t big or fun. It hurts you physically and emotionally and it also effects everybody else in your life. Things in my life that I felt were going wrong were that a boy I really like and still do, told me he loved me, later on he then said that he didn’t want to risk our friendship and moved onto another girl, I cried myself most nights after that, and resulted to more dangerous self harming. Now I am recovering from that and he has recently told me that he made a stupid mistake for what he did and I believe him and were working on creating a relationship together.
I don’t know why I’m writing this blog, I just feel that if my story of what happened to me can help someone then I should, because I know how everyone who self harms feel, it’s the worst feeling in the world and after a while you become dependant on it. It starts off as maybe a couple of times a month to once or more times a day. I really hope that people who read this will see what self harming can do, and how badly it can affect your life, and others. I have lost my friend to self harming and an over dose of antibiotics. I miss him like hell and I wish he didn’t do what he did, and I had to watch him die in his final hours, the pain on his face was unbearable, in his final hours he didn’t want to go through the pain he did, and he wished he didn’t self harm in the first place but he did.
So I really hope this helps someone because I don’t want anyone to go through the same thing I did or my friend.
And remember that everybody deserves to life and is worth it no matter what anybody else says.
If anyone needs to talk you can always talk to me, I’m always here to listen and give help to people who need it, no matter how much they think it’s pathetic.