The Mask

[thatgolferboi]

The sunlight flooded onto the thick sand colored carpet late that morning. Pressing the snooze button, he tried to forget the memories of what had happened just two nights ago. Despite anything he did, the memories haunted his subconscious, replaying over and over and over again. He could not focus on anything, the fear gripped his stomach. Suddenly, his stomach knotted, as if he had just experienced something horrific. His brow began to be drenched in the saline liquid. His heart was racing, chest constricting, breathing was impossible at this moment. His terror-filled mind replayed the scene again. The pain filled him. He let out a stifled sigh as he ran to the bathroom, afraid of vomiting on the floor. Doubled over the toilet, he wondered if he should tell anyone. Would anyone believe him? He laid there weeping, hoping no one would hear him. He knew if anyone knew what happened, he would never be able to look anyone in the face again. He thought everyone would hate him and no one would believe him. As soon as the pain subsided, he stood upright, staring at his face in the mirror. In essence, rather, he looked through his image. Perfecting a façade of happiness. A disembodiment of his true feelings.

[Cosmic]

Very powerful and emotive piece; you've done very well keeping the pace up and I love how it slows down at the end into an insightful close.

Stick to a tripartite structure when developing something similar to your "over and over and over and over again" line. Four lots of "over"s is excessive, slows the piece down, and drags on. Sticking with the magic number of three encourages the exact same point of repetition and a sense of recurrence - it's a well developed structural technique. Use it well!

I like the ending a lot - but I wonder if you could improve it a bit with some bluntness. A "facade of happiness" and a "disembodiment of... true feelings" are effectively the same things; but I agree that the facade needs additional explanation. Consider rephrasing it to something like:

"...working to perfect a facade of happiness. A dismebodiment of his true feelings." I don't know about you, but to me this quote reads with a lot more poignancy. Leaving it with a short sentence allows for a short, simple concept to echo in the reader's mind. Just an idea!

Very well written, great work. :D