not in a good place

[Gumleaf]

i haven't had a good week and i'm not in a good place. i'm convinced i'm going backwards and my meds aren't working. i feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and i'm on a road to nowhere with no purpose in life. i feel like i'm failing everywhere. i'm screwing up at my work, i just feel like i'm a screw up everywhere. i fail even the people who care about me, the way i am you wouldn't think i care about them too. i don't know what to do? i just try and fix one thing with myself and something else in my mind destroys me. i saw a freight train today and for a split second it crossed my mind, but then i turned and walked away. but that really scared me.

[Harley Quinn]

Ste,
get yourself back to the docs and tell them this, they will
help you and give you advice..as I've said to you before in a thread just like this that you posted, you need to snap out of it and come back to reality! Looking at a freight train like that isn't you and you know it. You need to talk to someone, relax your body. I told you last night, get a bath with some candles and soothing music and lay there. Let it out what you're feeling. CRY - cryings good. You've always been there for me. It's now my turn :)

[Obscene Eyedeas]

Stephen you Are not alone and you know that. im always here for you and you know i can always get you to laugh normally through my stupidity. Ste that guy that wanted to go out in front of that train isn't you, its the depression and you can change it. change your meds and we can talk about this

[Scarface]

im really sorry to hear about what your going through. I suggest you head back to the doctors and discuss whats happening especially the suicide because that shouldn't be happening with the meds. I'm always here to talk to when you feel like this. I know what your going through and i want you to know ill help as best as i can. PM me if you need to talk. hope this helps

[Katrina]

It may be extremely difficult to take any action to help yourself. But it is important to realize that these feelings are part of the depression and do not accurately reflect actual circumstances.

To help yourself:


Engage in mild activity or exercise. Go to a movie, a ballgame, or another event or activity that you once enjoyed. Participate in religious, social or other activities.
Set realistic goals for yourself.
Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities and do what you can as you can.
Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative. Try not to isolate yourself, and let others help you.
Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Do not expect to suddenly "snap out of" your depression. Often during treatment for depression, sleep and appetite will begin to improve before your depressed mood lifts.
Postpone important decisions until you feel better. Discuss decisions with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
Remember that positive thinking will replace negative thoughts as your depression responds to treatment.

[Sapphire]

Stephen, talk with the doctor about this.
I strongly suspect that the thought you had about stepping in front of the train has been triggered by the medication. Anti-depressants, when given to under 18's, are well known to cause an increase in suicidal thinking.

You need to start looking after yourself. I have said it time and time again but you really do. I know that it is difficult and that it feels really strange. But it is so worth it.
You want to be better but you have to work for it. I mean REALLY work for it.

Take some time out of each day to do something for yourself. It can be a bath, a shower, reading, listening to music. Anything. The important thing is to get used to doing things just for yourself.

Sit down with someone and compile a list of the positive things in your life. But don't dismiss what they say. You can then keep that list as a reminder of all the good things that you have. If you want, you can decorate it with things that make you smile just to strengthen the positivity that it holds.

I find that doing a safe-place visualisation helps me relax.
Pick a place (real or imagined) that makes you feel safe and at ease. Sit (or lie) comfortably somewhere you won't have any distractions, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine your body relaxing with every exhalation. Then, while breathing normally again, enter your safe-place. Notice everything that you can see. (e.g. what colour is the sky? are there other people with you and what are they doing? etc) Once you have noticed everything, allow yourself to take it all in as one scene. Do this for each of your senses and when you've finished exploring your safe place, gently take your attention back to your breathing. In your own time, turn your attention back to the room.

I am no stronger than you are. The only difference between us is that I am a few chapters ahead of you. You can fight it just as I did.