parents..especially Mom

[Jess]

okay for some reason Mom won't let me chat I mean I don't even give away any personal info I can't even say hi? and she doesn't like forums like these she doesn't even understand what threads and posts are. she thinks everything is chatting. she won't let me have online friends.

even my brothers are annoying. every thing they see like this place I have on Forever Blue if they see it they think I'm doing something bad. sites that have 'weird colors' makes them think it is bad :mad:

[Aspiringanonymous]

The traditional Asian parent complex - I'm familiar with that. Not only are they closed to negotiating freedoms, they also are often mistaken about what's going on. I don't have to deal with it anymore, thank goodness, but I always found some way to get around their scrutinizing eyes back when it was still necessary. I never bothered sitting down to talk with them reasonably - we weren't a diplomatic kind of family - but that's not to say it's not worth a try.

Tell them that in American teen culture, everyone uses the internet to communicate to some degree, and it's perfectly natural that you are doing the same. Let them know with sincerity that you're aware of your boundaries in regards to personal information - don't be afraid to reinforce the claim if they're reluctant to take your word at first. While your parents' concerns for your safety are justified, you do have the right to give input regarding how your own life should be conducted.

[Ryhanna]

Don't worry, she's just looking out for you :)
It's internet safety. Believe me, I've heard such horror stories about bad internet expericenes, she's just looking out for her girl :)

[Kaius]

Don't worry, A lot of parents of the teens that are on here are quite strict when it comes to the internet. Some people have even had to leave because of their parents. My dad recently found the site, I've had to hide pretty much everything that points out its me on here so I don't have to leave myself. If you think she'd feel better about it, show her the forum, Tell her what its about and who's on it and let her know that you'd tell her if anything bad happens. She's just looking out for her daughters safety really, the internet's not as safe as it used to be any more.

[Nelson]

Two points of view on this

1. Shes just being cautious, (silly to say) But you dont know who your talking to always, Personally i have come across some "older" (think 45+) men on the internet, Now see, You dont have a pic up on here, but on other places like FB, MySpace, Bebo and Windows Live Messenger, you get pressured into putting up pics, and then people tag you in there pics.

2. Shes being over cautious... (I dont know your background, so ill use my experience), When we got the internet after i started year 5, Dad said to me "No Facespace, Mybook, Bebop, or Messenger" (i lol'd). Anyway i got accounts everywhere, Dad found out and installed "SafeEyes for Windows" to stop me using them, Which would of also blocked VT as its VBulliten Based, as Krezlyn said

Tell them that in American teen culture, everyone uses the internet to communicate to some degree, and it's perfectly natural that you are doing the same. Let them know with sincerity that you're aware of your boundaries in regards to personal information - don't be afraid to reinforce the claim if they're reluctant to take your word at first. While your parents' concerns for your safety are justified, you do have the right to give input regarding how your own life should be conducted.

Basically i cant put it better than that

[Jess]

I guess she is being overly cautious but even if I do show her this forum and explain it, she probably wouldn't believe me -_-

[Katrina]

This is a common scenario and the short and blunt answer is, you may well never affect any real change with your Mom.
You should try to talk to her, calmly and sensibly and show her how her control is affecting your life. You could also ensure that she sees you being adult and responsible in your daily activities.
I'm afraid though that I can't suggest anything else at the moment that would have any effect on her.
She is the way she is and you may have to learn to accept this as best you can until you can afford to move out.

[Sapphire]

You may see it as her trying to control you and so on but really, it is all for your own safety.
There are a lot of creeps on the internet who are willing to take advantage of others. You do not want to go through that. Trust me.

I've been on the receiving end of a lot of it and tbh it has given me some issues with regards to kids and internet safety. I will be making sure that my kids have any profiles set to private complete with parental controls activated.

[Jess]

I learned a lot about internet dangers, I know the dangers and Mom also won't let me play games when I have free time

[Kaius]

Shes probably just being cautious. My parents used to be the same way. She may not trust the internet, whether you know the dangers or not. Just show her who you are in fact talking to, friends at school or from your area, and just make it known to her that you're sure of who your talking to.

[Jess]

what about playing games? why won't she let me do that? during free time I mean


also she doesn't like me talking to boys at school and she yelled at me when I told her a boy hugged me

it's just stupid

I am careful and she just doesn't know that and she just doesn't believe me.

[Sapphire]

Her over protectiveness may be rooted in bad past experiences or she may just be a very anxious person.

Whichever way it is, you aren't going to be able to change her mind. You will have to learn to live with it and find ways around some of the things she's trying to enforce.

[INFERNO]

what about playing games? why won't she let me do that? during free time I mean

Either it's over-protectiveness or she wants you to study as much as possible without playing games.


also she doesn't like me talking to boys at school and she yelled at me when I told her a boy hugged me

I think this is simply a reflection of bad experience(s) she had as a child and may be trying to protect you from experiencing those. Have you ever asked her what her childhood in and out of school was like? If you ask her properly, she may eventually tell you what happened.


I am careful and she just doesn't know that and she just doesn't believe me.

I don't think it's her not believing you, although that could very well be the case but rather she wants to keep you safe and presumably prevent any bad experiences for you. She doesn't appear to be open to negotiation and each time you try or go against her will, it may show her that you cannot be trusted as you won't obey her for everything she demands. It seems like she wants to have a relationship of she's the dictator and what she says is law, no negotiating so any resistance is in a way met with force.

[georgiamay]

yeah i know how you feel. my dad put parental controls on the computer, so i'm allowed an hour a day and he gets an e-mail every week saying what websites i went on and who i talked to. if he saw this site he'd go mad, because i've mentioned things on here that he would ground me for, like self harm and stuff. he would go mad if he knew that i was doing it after he thought i'd stopped. i've stopped now, but that wouldnt stop his flipping out. i've managed to disconnect the parental controls when i go on this site, but then i re connect it when i log off, so he never see's that i go on this site, but he thinks i dont know how to do that, so he thinks i only use the internet for homework lol :P

all you can really do is talk to her and tell her that your responsible enough not to give anyone personal information, or to meet up with anyone. i might work if you really convince her, but if it doesnt, you might just have to find a way around it. endure it, but give yourself some freedom when she cant tell or something like that. thats all i can say really. if you cant convince her, your just going to have to do it without her knowing.

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

Maybe something you could do, is just have her sit beside you and watch everything you go on for a day or two? That way she see you're not going into anything that bad.

Frankly, my mom thinks this place is a breeding ground for Pedos. lol

[Scarface]

Don't worry, she's just looking out for you :)
It's internet safety. Believe me, I've heard such horror stories about bad internet expericenes, she's just looking out for her girl :)

she is looking out for your best interest. you must be careful on the internet because of sick people out there. That just means she cares.

[Sapphire]

Frankly, my mom thinks this place is a breeding ground for Pedos. lol
It's not a breeding ground for them as that suggests this place plays a role in the development of pedophillia.
But think about it - this is a forum full of vulnerable, young people - what sexual predator wouldn't find that an attractive prospect?

[georgiamay]

It's not a breeding ground for them as that suggests this place plays a role in the development of pedophillia.
But think about it - this is a forum full of vulnerable, young people - what sexual predator wouldn't find that an attractive prospect?

wow, thats a really desturbing thought :eek: maybe i should definately not say that to my parents.

that probably would seem like an attractive prospect to a sexual predator.

but every website with a forum, or a message board or something will be at least slightly attractive to a peodophile, but we cant say that no one under the age of 18 can communicate with anyone over the internet, that would just piss a lot of people off. plus, not everyone in these websites are peodophiles... :eek:

[Aspiringanonymous]

It's not a breeding ground for them as that suggests this place plays a role in the development of pedophillia.
But think about it - this is a forum full of vulnerable, young people - what sexual predator wouldn't find that an attractive prospect?
Unfortunately, I have encountered that in the past, on another teen support forum. The person harassed a bunch of us younger girls over MSN after having proven himself 'genuine' enough to get that information - so the staff didn't do anything about it.

When it comes down to it, we all have to exercise discretion. That doesn't mean distrusting everyone on the internet - just have a bottom line, and uphold it firmly.

[Jess]

Either it's over-protectiveness or she wants you to study as much as possible without playing games.



I think this is simply a reflection of bad experience(s) she had as a child and may be trying to protect you from experiencing those. Have you ever asked her what her childhood in and out of school was like? If you ask her properly, she may eventually tell you what happened.



I don't think it's her not believing you, although that could very well be the case but rather she wants to keep you safe and presumably prevent any bad experiences for you. She doesn't appear to be open to negotiation and each time you try or go against her will, it may show her that you cannot be trusted as you won't obey her for everything she demands. It seems like she wants to have a relationship of she's the dictator and what she says is law, no negotiating so any resistance is in a way met with force.

idk...she had no bad experiences with boys or whatever ...she did well in school. she lived in China and had a harder life than me but other than that it wasn't bad.


Maybe something you could do, is just have her sit beside you and watch everything you go on for a day or two? That way she see you're not going into anything that bad.

Frankly, my mom thinks this place is a breeding ground for Pedos. lol


no I definitely don't want her watching me all day. she thinks every site I go on is bad (most anyways). that brings up another thing. I have a journal I keep online, and she won't even let me write in it. she asks, why type it out, and not write it on paper? I want to type it out - it's easier.

the only forum she allows me on is this Spanish language forum that helps me with Spanish. other than that forums like these places she doesn't like.

[Sapphire]

When it comes down to it, we all have to exercise discretion. That doesn't mean distrusting everyone on the internet - just have a bottom line, and uphold it firmly.
Discretion isn't something that children and young teens are going to have at their disposal. This is why parental controls and the such like exist.
Saying that minors who use the internet simply have to use discretion is taking a step backwards, not forwards.

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

Discretion isn't something that children and young teens are going to have at their disposal. This is why parental controls and the such like exist.
Saying that minors who use the internet simply have to use discretion is taking a step backwards, not forwards.

If you educate them right while they are younger, they will know to be careful.

[Sapphire]

If you educate them right while they are younger, they will know to be careful.
I had "stranger danger" drilled into me when I was young, as did my peers.
But did that stop any of us from being taken advantage of by unscrupulous people?
No, because the emphasis is always on the people you don't know and once you have been cautious with someone who's proven to be genuine you don't class them as someone to be wary of.
That is how they reel you in.
They gain your trust and then start slowly desensitizing you to things until you are a willing accomplice.

[solosarah]

If my parents knew I joined a site like this I would be slapped and then beat with a paddle, since the internet is satan.

[Dive to Survive]

okay for some reason Mom won't let me chat I mean I don't even give away any personal info I can't even say hi? and she doesn't like forums like these she doesn't even understand what threads and posts are. she thinks everything is chatting. she won't let me have online friends.

even my brothers are annoying. every thing they see like this place I have on Forever Blue if they see it they think I'm doing something bad. sites that have 'weird colors' makes them think it is bad :mad:

That's exactly how my mom feels. I just don't get it!

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

I had "stranger danger" drilled into me when I was young, as did my peers.
But did that stop any of us from being taken advantage of by unscrupulous people?
No, because the emphasis is always on the people you don't know and once you have been cautious with someone who's proven to be genuine you don't class them as someone to be wary of.
That is how they reel you in.
They gain your trust and then start slowly desensitizing you to things until you are a willing accomplice.

So then teach children not to give out your address without permission.
You seems to forget with these parental blocks that there are proxys that go around them.

[Sapphire]

So then teach children not to give out your address without permission.
You seems to forget with these parental blocks that there are proxys that go around them.
You don't have to give out your address to fall prey to them.
And I haven't forgotten that but it is better to have them there in place as it is protection for those who aren't familiar with proxys.

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

You don't have to give out your address to fall prey to them.
And I haven't forgotten that but it is better to have them there in place as it is protection for those who aren't familiar with proxys.

Google: How to get around parental controls

Nearly all teens will do that.

[Sapphire]

Google: How to get around parental controls

Nearly all teens will do that.
But not a 10 year old.

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

But not a 10 year old.

You'd be surprised, kids are getting smarter and smarter with computer.
No one thing will keep them from it..Well you could disable internet.

[Sapphire]

You'd be surprised, kids are getting smarter and smarter with computer.
No one thing will keep them from it..Well you could disable internet.
A parent is meant to protect their offspring. If they weren't then we would be able to fend for ourselves straight after being born (or soon after). If you don't try to protect them on the off-chance that they'll use a proxy then you are not being a responsible parent and may as well throw your child to the predators.

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

A parent is meant to protect their offspring. If they weren't then we would be able to fend for ourselves straight after being born (or soon after). If you don't try to protect them on the off-chance that they'll use a proxy then you are not being a responsible parent and may as well throw your child to the predators.

Excuse me? My mom NEVER used parental blocks, she thought me what was safe and what wasn't.
I've never given my address out, unless I have permission or I know for a fact that the person is a close family member.

[Sapphire]

Excuse me? My mom NEVER used parental blocks, she thought me what was safe and what wasn't.
I've never given my address out, unless I have permission or I know for a fact that the person is a close family member.
As I have said before, one does not need to give their address out to fall prey to these predators.
All one needs to do to fall prey to them is to be befriended by and get to trust the wrong person.

[Jess]

I use my own laptop, so I don't have parental controls. the only thing that my parents can do is block websites. :/ and one of my fav websites is blocked

I already know the internet has its dangers.

[Sapphire]

I already know the internet has its dangers.
As you have already said.