Im finally ready to open up

[Obscene Eyedeas]

*Deep breath* ok so im finally ready to talk about what happened i need to get this out. near the end of last year my boyfriend wanted to have sex with me but i said no.

we were alone and he didn't take no for an answer. and well i still can't talk about the details it hurts too much. but the things he did to me for hours while we were alone makes me feel so dirty and so alone. he raped me hurt me in horrible ways and i still can feel him at times in the dark. ever since iv found it nearly impossible to touch people when i do its with a lot of mental preparation. iv tried to forget but it hasn't even got one bit better. the feel of his hands was so disgusting and painful. at times when i close my eyes or Luy in bed at night i imagine his breath on my neck. Ht makes me cry and i struggle constantly against self harm. my depression is hard enough to deal with but what he did has made me feel like i can never be loved and i want to die.

[Pirate]

I don't want to say 'I know how you feel' but I think I might a little.
My brother abused me several times when we growing up, and for a long long time I couldn't have anyone touch me like that without feeling so dirty and empty. If you want to chat, pm me at any time, honestly. I'd like to help if I can, I didn't have anyone who understood when I was trying to deal with it.
It's plays on your mind a lot doesn't it? And if anyone mentions anything related to it - for me, it was when people spoke about incest or child abuse or that - you think of it.
It's a horrible thing to live with, and like I said, feel free to get in touch, I'm always going to listen. x

[CuriousDestruction]

oh hun, i'm so sorry. but i'm glad you told us. you were really brave. have you told anyone about this? a counselor? a friend? parents? police? i can't imagine what you are going through but please feel free to PM me anytime.

[Katrina]

Oh dear, I am SO sorry to hear he raped you! What an awful thing to happen.
At least you were brave enough to talk about it
You need to tell your parents, to start. YOU are NOT "dirty" - what happened is not your fault. But you do need to be able to talk this horrible experience out with someone, maybe a counsellor. He could well go to prison for raping you, especially as you are a minor. He deserves to be punished and WILL be, I hope. Hugs to you!

[Obscene Eyedeas]

Thank you so much guys for your kind words

[Sapphire]

It's a good sign that you are able to open up a bit about this.

There are rape crisis centers in Ireland - if you need any support in dealing with this then find your nearest and arrange for an appointment. They offer weekly counselling sessions and I think they even offer telephone support if you need it in between sessions.

Be gentle with yourself

[emt.Cam]

Please do not put the guilt on yourself hun. Like many have said, it's not your fault. You're off to a great start by opening up to us, this is such a huge step. I can't imagine how you must feel but I would advise that you take this to the next step. You've already done one of the hardest steps and that was finally opening up. Next may be to find someone who you can trust (a friend, parent, a counselor, a doctor, even a helpline) I would love to hear that this guy get what he pays for. I only wish I could do it for you as I am going to be a State Trooper -apologize for getting off topic- If you need any guidance or assistance, please feel free to PM me. I help people for a living and I wish you the best of luck hun, take care.