Obscene Eyedeas
March 2nd, 2010, 11:31 AM
So I have to say nothing brings me greater happiness then making someone smile when all they wanted to do was cry and lay down and die.
The pain of the things i have experienced in my life is still as painful as ever but i have finally come to realize that it was not my fault.
One time i remember how my friend was having suicidal thoughts i took him down to the shop away from the group to try and talk sense into him because he would only ever listen to me and noone else and wouldnt talk to me in front of them. I turned my back on him for two seconds and next thing i know im in an alleyway holding him as he bled to death. I tried but there was nothing i could do to save him and i blamed myself for his death for turning away from him for those few seconds. I watched him die, i screamed and cried and beg and all the time I believed it was my fault. He told me many things as he was dying until he couldnt focus anymore. I felt for so long that it was all my fault.
I even tried to kill myself the guilt was so heavy on my shoulders.
At times when i have experienced friends taking their own lives i have believed wholly it was my fault and no matter what anyone said it would not get through to me. I bent it in such a way i wouldnt have to listen. I saw so many statistcics and facts to show that it wasnt my fault but i could never focus on them just pushed them away.
So in the end it was emotional help that has finally made me realize it wasnt my fault by listening to other peoples stories and experiences. I just wanted to post this to give back it was hard to write but it has strengthened my resolve. It was not my fault and anyone who has been faced with something simillar and feels the same way, it wasnt your fault either. I hope you see something in this experience that helps you in realizing that what happens to your friends is not your fault. All you can do is help the rest is their own choice. <3
Depression can be so soul destroying it can take away your beliefs and your friends but remember there is always someone there for you. If you are ready to accept it wasnt your fault when something bad has happened to you or your friends, then tell your friends and get the support you need. If not please mull over things and realize that soemtimes there is nothing you can do. Is that your fault? Its not, you are doing everything you can to help so please dont blame yourself.
Noone deserves to feel this way you may think you do but you dont. Noone does. There is always someone who will help you, who WANTS to help you, please dont push them away.
For everyone out there who is trying to get better, i hope with all my heartt you suceed. I offer hope and hugs :hug3:
The pain of the things i have experienced in my life is still as painful as ever but i have finally come to realize that it was not my fault.
One time i remember how my friend was having suicidal thoughts i took him down to the shop away from the group to try and talk sense into him because he would only ever listen to me and noone else and wouldnt talk to me in front of them. I turned my back on him for two seconds and next thing i know im in an alleyway holding him as he bled to death. I tried but there was nothing i could do to save him and i blamed myself for his death for turning away from him for those few seconds. I watched him die, i screamed and cried and beg and all the time I believed it was my fault. He told me many things as he was dying until he couldnt focus anymore. I felt for so long that it was all my fault.
I even tried to kill myself the guilt was so heavy on my shoulders.
At times when i have experienced friends taking their own lives i have believed wholly it was my fault and no matter what anyone said it would not get through to me. I bent it in such a way i wouldnt have to listen. I saw so many statistcics and facts to show that it wasnt my fault but i could never focus on them just pushed them away.
So in the end it was emotional help that has finally made me realize it wasnt my fault by listening to other peoples stories and experiences. I just wanted to post this to give back it was hard to write but it has strengthened my resolve. It was not my fault and anyone who has been faced with something simillar and feels the same way, it wasnt your fault either. I hope you see something in this experience that helps you in realizing that what happens to your friends is not your fault. All you can do is help the rest is their own choice. <3
Depression can be so soul destroying it can take away your beliefs and your friends but remember there is always someone there for you. If you are ready to accept it wasnt your fault when something bad has happened to you or your friends, then tell your friends and get the support you need. If not please mull over things and realize that soemtimes there is nothing you can do. Is that your fault? Its not, you are doing everything you can to help so please dont blame yourself.
Noone deserves to feel this way you may think you do but you dont. Noone does. There is always someone who will help you, who WANTS to help you, please dont push them away.
For everyone out there who is trying to get better, i hope with all my heartt you suceed. I offer hope and hugs :hug3: