Is there a point?

[nyrhockey]

Hi, my name is Daniel, and I'm suffering from depression.

I was an A-/B+ student and I was aiming to go to college and major in creative writing, and eventually become an author. That was before and this is now; my depression has been beating me. To start off, I have the most amazing family ever. There is nothing wrong at home and my parents just want me to be happy, and I feel fortunate to have such a great family.

I'm not okay. Back in December, I told my parents and my therapist that I was thinking about suicide. I haven't really gotten better since. I know a ton of methods, but I hate pain and I don't have the availability to some things. There have been nights where if you put a gun or something I had in mind in front of me, that I would not be here today to tell you about it. I'm really shy and have no good friends. I have a texting buddy that lives across the country, and I talk to her about this. She's gotten fed up and sees that I have no reason to feel suicidal. I really don't, but my depression distorts me and makes me feel like death is the only way out.

I've cut myself twice, with a plastic knife since I would never be able to use a real knife, and the nights just keep getting hworse. If you put a gun infront of me I'd say thank you and goodbye. I'm concerned with my health now, but I'm more concerned for later in my life when I'll have more availablity to certain items. I've been feeling extremely suicidal lately.

And to my real problem. I feel like I should get myself committed to a hospital so that I'll be safe from myself and so that I can hopefully get better. I don't know if I should or not, and I don't know how to tell my parents and my therapist that I am suicidal again and I think I need to be committed to a hospital.

Sorry for this being sort of long and thank you so much if you read through all this. I could have gone through my life story, but I don't need pity and it isn't worth reciting. And don't worry; I'll be here tonight. I don't know how much longer I can live with myself and I want to die and give up.

Thanks again, I know this turned out long. I'm sorry if any of this sounds confusing, and I'll gladly answer any questions or clear anything up if you want me to.

[Aspiringanonymous]

I think you know what you need to do. You've conveyed a clear and undistorted understanding of your situation, which is already commendable.

I'm afraid that I can't offer you advice on approaching others - having only experienced drastic failures of it personally - but the first thing that comes to mind is, how were you able to tell them about feeling depressed initially? If the approach was effective once, it most likely should be the second time around.

Welcome to VT, by the way. I'm glad that you decided to join us and reach out; you are among friends here.

Feel free to contact me if you ever need to talk.

Best of luck to you.

[Mattasaur94]

I agree 100% with Maya, you seem to have a clear grasp on whats happening and whats going through your mind. I personally, see this as a starting point.
Suicide, obviously, is a bad idea.
Depression is a horrible thing, I mean, sure there are drugs, but resorting to medication or not is a personal choice, or, it should be.
The best thing you can do is talk to someone about it, keep talking, talk it all out of you.
Writing things down can usually help with things.

Considering your parents were able to listen to you the first time around, and that they helped out out, they should be able to do it again. Understandably, your scared of how they will react, it's fine. It's human.

Being a teenager your mind is still growing, chemicals and hormones are raging through your body can can cause massive chaos within you.
Eat healthy, talk to people, and try and focus on positive things.
Stupid idea, right? Well, try your best.

If you ever need to talk, you've got VT here for you. (:
And welcome, btw.


EDIT: http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=11050
Give it a go. There's always a point to life, your only young, suicide will mean that you've given up on yourself, in all honesty, it's not the right way to go.

[nyrhockey]

Thank you for responding :)

The first time that they listened to me about my suicidal thoughts wasn't all me. I was taking days off of school, and it seemed a little suspicious. I had one of my sessions with my therapist and he said I didn't look to good, and that snowballed into me telling him about my thoughts.

My parents made some changes, like not letting me be home by myself so much and other things. My problem now is that I've been telling them and my therapist that I've been feeling better and that I haven't thought about suicide. Obviously, that's a lie. So that's what I have a bigger issue with. Me telling them "I haven't really felt better, I've been thinking about suicide, and I need more help since I can't trust myself with my life". I haven't told them, or my therapist, about me cutting either.

I want to tell them soon so I don't end up doinng anything stupid.

[Scarface]

well to start suicide is not the only way and i suggest that you tell your therepist because suicide is a very serious thought and should be taken as seriously as the thought itself. i don't believe that you need to be committed to a hospital. maybe it would help if you went to a psychiatrist that way they could prescribe something that would help you feel better. if you ever need someone to talk to im always here and im so glad that you came here for help again never hesitate to Pm me hope this helps

[BuryYourFlame]

As stated above, suicidal thoughts are always serious, and should always be dealt with. I strongly recommend you just straight-out tell your therapist about this, your therapist doesn't have to tell your parents if you don't want them to.

If you can't see a point to life, make one. Try to get closer with friends, it will often take a lot of strength, but it will definitely benefit you in the end.

[Mattasaur94]

...My parents made some changes, like not letting me be home by myself so much and other things. My problem now is that I've been telling them and my therapist that I've been feeling better and that I haven't thought about suicide. Obviously, that's a lie. So that's what I have a bigger issue with. Me telling them "I haven't really felt better, I've been thinking about suicide, and I need more help since I can't trust myself with my life". I haven't told them, or my therapist, about me cutting either.

I want to tell them soon so I don't end up doinng anything stupid.

Well, Atleast it shows your parents care about you enough to make sure that your safe, it's not that they didn't trust you, it's because they didn't want you to do anything that you would regret. Not that you'd have the oppertunity to regret it...

You should be safe with talking to your therapist about it, confidentiality is one of their main things unless they see it incredibly fit to discuss with your parents, even then they'll do it with your consent, mainly.
You should talk to your therapist about it, it's possibly the safest thing you can do.

Don't give up hope, you can make it through this, sucks to be a teenager, but its one of the most eventful times in your life. Everything's changing and it will slowly work out.
Persevere through these crap times and you can make it to the "brighter" times, if you wish to call it that.

We're here for you, none the less.

[nyrhockey]

Hey guys, posting here again. Thank you for the responses so far :)

I forgot to mention this. I opened up to my therapist the first time about my suicidal thoughts back in December, and he shared it with my parents since I was endangering myself. I didn't mind him telling and it was alright I guess. I was referred to a psychiatrist by my therapist, and I ended up being prescribed Prozac.

I don't take it consistently like I should, and that makes my depression worse. It's hard for me to accept being on this type of medication. Part of the reason why I feel like I need to be committed is so that I'll have to take it consistently. I know it is terrible for my health to take Prozac a couple days in a row, then stop for a couple days, and then start again.

That's all for now, and I appreciate the responses :)

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[Ryhanna]

Suicide is not the way to go.
You know that. Everyone knows there are others ways of dealing with things. No offence, but suicide is the weak way out. You have to perservere, because there is a point: Life. Your here to live and taking your life would take that purpose.