Going back

[Skeletal-Chic]

Okay, I started self-harming when I was like.... 13 because I hated myself so badly. I thought I was a freak because a lot of the guys in my year were early-bloomers, and there was me singing soprano (not literally). I also hated myself for many reasons that I never properly addressed, such as weight, masculinity etc.

Recently I've started to hate myself again. Sometimes, I'll be high as a kite with my friends, but when I'm on my own, all I can think is how ugly, underweight, unattractive and effeminate/camp I am. Not only that, but I'm still only stage 3 (Tanner Calc.) in puberty. And it doesn't help that I seem to be shitty at all the things I try and do and love. I can't act, but my Drama exam is in 4-weeks, I can't sing but I'm auditioning for a Glee-Club and doing an assessed vocal performance. It's like I put the thoughts aside when I sign up for this stuff, but during and after the feelings just crash on me heavier than before! I've started cutting my arms just above and bellow the elbow. I don't know what to do. I have these mood-swings and feel like I need to slap someone or do something dangerous just to get people's attention and show them how I feel. When I try and use my words, people just try to make me feel better, and I can't help but think how false it is. I feel like I need someone to save me to make me feel better about myself. Why am I like this? Am i just seeking attention? Has anyone else ever felt like this? I need help before I do something stupid.

BC xx

[Fiction]

yes i know this exact feeling! When i read your post at times i seriously thought you where talking about me! I know what you mean about the being fine with your friends and crashing later. I know what you mean about the getting people's attention and then thinking you are an attention seeker. I don't know why you are like this, i don't know why i am like this but you are not alone. I often feel like an attention seeker but i think i just want someone to notice and i really know how you feel about the fake comforting. Pm if you want to talk :)

[screamtobeheard]

I understand exactly how you feel. You're not alone at all, but you should probably try to talk to a counselor or something. If you ever need to talk, PM me. (:

[Asylum]

definately talk to a counsler or someone... you can
i can't tell you why you are lik this because i am not a doctor and can't properally diagnose you, however it sounds liek depression or bi-polar disorder. no you are not seeking attention... and i feel like this all the tiem.. you ever need someone to tlak to you can always PM me

[dxevilboy]

Okay, I started self-harming when I was like.... 13 because I hated myself so badly. I thought I was a freak because a lot of the guys in my year were early-bloomers, and there was me singing soprano (not literally). I also hated myself for many reasons that I never properly addressed, such as weight, masculinity etc.

Recently I've started to hate myself again. Sometimes, I'll be high as a kite with my friends, but when I'm on my own, all I can think is how ugly, underweight, unattractive and effeminate/camp I am. Not only that, but I'm still only stage 3 (Tanner Calc.) in puberty. And it doesn't help that I seem to be shitty at all the things I try and do and love. I can't act, but my Drama exam is in 4-weeks, I can't sing but I'm auditioning for a Glee-Club and doing an assessed vocal performance. It's like I put the thoughts aside when I sign up for this stuff, but during and after the feelings just crash on me heavier than before! I've started cutting my arms just above and bellow the elbow. I don't know what to do. I have these mood-swings and feel like I need to slap someone or do something dangerous just to get people's attention and show them how I feel. When I try and use my words, people just try to make me feel better, and I can't help but think how false it is. I feel like I need someone to save me to make me feel better about myself. Why am I like this? Am i just seeking attention? Has anyone else ever felt like this? I need help before I do something stupid.

BC xx

I asked to be freind. I know exactly how u are i wondered if i was early or late and i have blond hair so you cant see my mustache and i was embarrassed and thought i was weird because i masturbate and i have ADHD so i get natural highs better than dope highs i break shit and party with my friends at school break into school on weekends i always find pot, cigarettes, beer. its fun but i dont use drugs except speed its in my ADHD medicine which i ingest witch calms me down like coffee calms me down because i'm ADHD i love being ADHD every one be my freind.

[Skeletal-Chic]

thanks, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one. But what should I do about it?